Page 98 of Kandie Shoppe

“Yeah, I guess. But therapy is not my bag, Mimi. I tried it. It didn’t stick. In fact, it made everything worse.” I hear the plea in my voice. I remember them trying to use my words against me when I had all those evaluations, when they were trying to blame me for the fire and the death of Sheriff Hezekiah and those three deputies. If I had food in my belly right then, I’m pretty sure I’d be throwing it up.

“Those were state appointed people. They weren’t looking out for your best interest. Dr. Lockett will look out for you and only you. I promise,” Mimi urges, before switching to a new topic. “How about a shower and then maybe that wonton soup you love from Fulin’s?”

My tummy growls at her words, and we both laugh. “I’d love that.” Mimi helps me scoot over to the side of the bed when we hear the deep rumble of, “Love what?”

Both of our heads swivel at the sound of U’s voice. He’s standing holding a box I remember Marlene had beside her bed when I visited.

“Kandie was saying she’d love a shower,” Mimi says because I can’t make words right now. My heart feels like it’s about to beat out of my chest. It sounds so loud. I feel my chest rise and fall so fast it’s going faster than the blades on a wheat plow.

“I can do it,” he says, his eyes looking at me somber. I drink him in. He’s in jeans and his sheriff’s shirt. He walks toward us, his eyes never leaving mine. Removing his gun belt, he drops it in a nearby chair before coming to stand beside Mimi as she takes the IV out of my arm. After she’s removed the monitor attachments, she steps back saying softly, “I’ll go send for the food. You can just text me when you’re ready.”

“Alright.” Ulysses nods, still looking at me.

I just sit there looking up into the glacial blue of his eyes. The cold, aloof disdain he normally cloaks himself in is gone. Nothing but raw emotion shows in his eyes. Eyes with deepshadows beneath them. I notice his hair is still damp, like he just rushed home to take a quick shower and then come back.

Like a slow-motion reel of a building collapse, he comes down to his knees before me. Finally, we are eye level and I see so much emotion in his eyes, I’m not sure I’m ready to see it.

“Hey, lil’mama, you had me scared there for a while.” He tilts his head to the side, a sad smile curving his lips. Reaching between us, his hand covers my cheek. His thumb rubs the tear that drops from my lashes. “Why are you crying, baby?”

I shake my head. “I-I don’t know. I just missed you.”

“Me too.” Pulling me into the strength of his arms, he buries his face in my neck. “I’m so sorry. So fucking sorry this happened to you.” His words are rough, they are tender. “I looked for you everywhere. By the time we figured it was him you showed up here — I was so fucking useless. I failed you. I didn’t protect you. I couldn’t save you—just stood by, just like with Dad and Mom.”

I feel the heat of his despair on my neck as his hot tears bathe my neck.

“No.” Pulling back, I cup his face. “Stop that shit right now. You didn’t just stand by. You were a kid back then, U. Same as me, we didn’t know who Nathaniel was. He fooled everybody. And as for your mom, you are not God. We don’t get to decide who we lose or how we lose them. You were able to give her the best days of her life by being here when she needed you the most.” He closes his eyes. For the first time I understood Mimi’s frustration trying to get me to realize I needed counseling.

Leaning in, I wince, wrapping my arms around his waist as I lay my head on his chest. The heavy thud of his heartbeat as we embrace each other makes me realize how blessed we are in this moment.

“C’mon, let’s get your little musty tail bathed,” he murmurs, scooping me up, taking me in to shower.

“Okay,what do you want to watch?” U asks, handing me the wonton soup he just got from Mimi. He puts a ginger ale, which Mimi said I could have on the bedside table.

“Nothing.” I shrug, watching him walk around Angel’s huge bed in low-slung joggers he borrowed from his friend after taking his clothes off to bathe me in the shower. “What’s in the box?”

His jaw tics as his eyes skate over to where he lay the small trunk. Sitting his beef lo mein down, he retrieves it, sitting it between us before grabbing his food. “Eat. You’re going to need it.”

First Letter

Kandie,

I can’t get you out of my mind. I meant what I said the other night at the barn fire. I want you to be mine for the rest of your life. We have that forever kind of love.

I ship out tomorrow and I know I haven’t the right to ask this of you. That’s why I gave it to my mom and told her to hold on to it until I left. Wait for me, wildcat. Please wait. ~ U

First Letter

U,

I hate writing because I’m terible at it. When I told you I was dyslexic and you didn’t laff ment the werld to me. My letters won’t be long but they will be tru. I luv you, U. I no you didn’t say wait but I culd tel you wanted me to. I will. ~ kandie

Kandie,

I was hit by a roadside bomb. Mom wanted to come but I told her not to worry. The side of my face is fucked up. We were taking a family to safety under the cover of darkness when my transport was hit.

There were three generations we managed to get to safety. The caravan was hit midway to our destination. Just as my Bradley turned on this particular rough patch of road, the bomb exploded. I was in the gunner position. We were all thrown, but I took the brunt of the hit. Thankfully, it was just one side of my face and a few strays of shrapnel that hit me. One lodged in my thigh and a couple in my side. My face is a mess, though. They had to stitch it back, taking part from the inside of my thigh. I’m going to be a fucking scar face. Will that bother you? You’re so beautiful. Would you want to be seen with me looking like Frankenstein? Did you read my last letter? Mom said she gave it to you. The only thing I thought of was getting back to you. I didn’t want you hearing about it from anyone but me. I crawled out of the back, making all these alarms going off. I’m a big guy, so they couldn’t stop when I made my way to a phone to call you.

Your phone was turned off. For everybody or just me? Mom said she gave you my info. What’s going on, babe. Are you mad at me? ~ U

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