Page 12 of Passion and Payback

“Oh, fine. I won’t pry,” she said in a voice that said she would dearly love to pry as much information out of me as possible. Everyone in the neighborhood knewsomethingawful had happened to me, and not just Lucas being murdered. They also knew there were a lot of questionable things around the investigation and that, despite initially trying to make sure the law came down hard, I eventually stopped talking about it and tried to get my life together instead.

“Although,” she said as she turned around and slapped the bag on the counter before me, “if you wanted to talk about how you’ve apparently been seen walking around with an absolute hunk of a man.”

“I know it probably gets confusing, working in a butcher shop, but people are not cuts of meat to evaluate,” I told her with a shake of my head. “He’s a very good friend. We’ve known each other since we were kids. And I like having him around.”

“Hmm, from what I saw, I wouldn’t mind having him around either,” she said, raising a brow.

“Oh my God, just charge me so I can pretend you’re not talking about my friend like this,” I said with a groan.

Not that I necessarily blamed her or anyone else. From the moment I considered guys attractive, Kai had been at the top of my list. That was, of course, a problem since he was my best friend and a guy who….well, for all I or anyone else could tell, wasn’t interested in many people sexually or romantically.

I knew he’d had a couple of girlfriends in the past. I knew he’d done short-term affairs after what could only be called a disastrous attempt at a ‘real’ girlfriend after boot camp. I still didn’t know the details, but I knew it had left a mark on him. After that, even though he’d mentioned he was seeing someone, it would always, without fail, be over within a month or two.

And guys? Non-existent. He’d never so much as looked at a guy with interest and the only guys he’d brought up were his buddies in the service. So there I was, one of the biggest cliches in existence, a gay man who had feelings for his straight best friend. All those years of fantasizing, dreaming, trying to look for a clue that I was wrong, and now? Well, now he was the only living lifeline I had tying me to sanity, even more so now he was here.

After dodging any more of Sophia’s questions, I left the butcher shop and made my way to the grocery store. It was more like a grocery hole in the wall, but I liked its cramped aisles and select items that were slightly more expensive than going to a chain. The old couple who ran it were some of the nicest people, and I always tried to drop money there.

“Evening, Rose,” I said after I found what I needed and set it on the counter. “And what scandalous book are you reading this time?”

Rose chuckled, setting her book aside, and I could see the shirtless man with glowing eyes and unnaturally white hair on the cover. “Fey Lords falling in love with a young, feisty girl who reminds me of myself.”

“Well, I suppose that’s one way to enjoy yourself,” I said with a chuckle as she rang everything up. “As long as it makes you happy. Speaking of, how’syourFey Lord doing?”

“Fey Lord? I married an old goat,” she said fondly as she bagged everything. “And he’s out tending the garden like I told him to do two hours ago. And I bet I’ll find him napping in a chair when I go to see how he’s doing.”

“Well, it is a pretty nice day,” I said, glancing out the window with a smile. “Perfect for a nap in the sun.”

“Oh, it’s nice to see you smile,” she said with a wink as I paid for the groceries. “Something special going on? Or just another day being surrounded by miniature devils.”

“You say that, but I happen to know you leave food out for the neighborhood strays.”

“Pish posh, I would never do such a thing.”

“Just like you’d never dream of being carried off by a Fey Lord for a forced marriage?”

“Now that’s completely different.”

I laughed. “Alright, well, you enjoy that book. Try not to come down too hard on the old goat.”

“I make no promises!” she called after me before I stepped back out into the sun.

For the first time in over two years, I smiled as I gazed at the neighborhood, taking in its sights. When Lucas and I first moved to this side of town after the café had started doing well, it felt like there was rarely a day I wasn’t happy at the sight. There were nicer places not too far away, but this neighborhood was somewhere I’d fallen in love with almost immediately whilewalking around the blocks, waiting for the appointment to see the apartments.

It wasn’t too far from one of the city’s harbors, and you could smell the ocean when it was particularly windy. It was an old part of the city, apparently one of the first built after its founding. It was rough in places and could use repairs in others, but unlike other parts of the city, the people here felt connected rather than simply living in the same place. Little shops stayed in business because people chose them. Although my café was on the border of the upscale neighborhood, that too saw business from local people in support.

The people I had come to know in the couple of years leading up to…to Lucas’s death had all been wonderful after he’d been murdered. Nobody asked too many questions, and people tried their best to support me. Rose and Sophia had shown up at my apartment before I’d had the strength to move out to somewhere that wasn’t drenched in the memories of my murdered love to bring me food and make sure I was bathing. When I reopened the café, dozens of people from the neighborhood swarmed in to buy a coffee or croissant or stand and talk to me.

It had been nice to be surrounded by the same people I’d locked myself away from through no fault of their own. But how could I have explained that the sight of them made me feel sick? They were essentially pieces of my life with Lucas, and seeing them reminded me of everything I’d lost. With that reminder came the grief that threatened to pull me into the depths where I was afraid I’d drown…or worse.

Sometimes, I felt that ‘worse’ thing lurking beneath the surface, in the depths of my mind. I could feel something shifting, moving restlessly beneath. Waiting, not to eat me, but for me to reach down to it. I never had the words for what it was because whenever I felt the dark shadow move, I’d turn away as quickly as I could.

There were moments when I wanted to look down, take a breath, and let the pain, rage, grief, sorrow, and…everything take me over to see what would come of it. To find what the monster was and put a name to it…even if the name was my own.

I chose not to. Nothing had given me a reason to choose otherwise. So I stayed the course and finally let the people back into my life when their faces no longer brought tears to my eyes or a stirring in the shadows of my heart.

I was practically whistling by the time I got back to the café. Seeing Kai again and knowing he would be around for good this time had lightened my step considerably. Eventually, we would have to talk, but that could wait. I still wanted him to know things I couldn’t have told him a year ago, but now I had more strength and the ability to move on as best I could.

“Hello, hello,” I said as I entered the café through the front, locking the doors behind me before punching in the code for the silent alarm before it alerted the cops. Not that I thought the fuckers would show up, considering I wasn’t one of the elite members of the city who could line their sleazy pockets.

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