Page 28 of Passion and Payback

Between that and the alcohol, I was feeling bold. I moved closer, reaching out to set my hands on his sides and continue dancing. His movements stopped as he looked at me in surprise but didn’t pull away or push my hands off him. Feeling even bolder, I moved closer and watched his brow creep up his forehead as our bodies were almost pressed together.

It was my turn to be surprised when he reached out and put his hands on my hips, pulling me that last inch closer. Thechange in the air was immediately noticeable, and I looped my arms around his back to hold him. He continued trying to dance, his eyes burrowing into my skull with an intensity I had never seen on his face before.

Suddenly, it no longer felt silly or playful as he watched me. I could feel shivers running up and down my spine as he held me, fingers finding their way under my shirt. I could feel the hardness of his body as he held me close and the heavy thumping of my heart. Sweat broke out on me, though it wasn’t because of the heat of the dance floor or my dancing.

We had never done anything like this before, and all those years of silently wanting to touch and be close to him were suddenly a reality. I was torn between wanting to pull away and getting closer. Kai had never been afraid to touch or be close to me, but he hadn’t been what I’d call physically affectionate. Our touches were always brief, like hugs or a hand on the shoulder.

Now I was so close I could feel his breath on my face. Excitement mingled with nervousness, but I didn’t dare draw away. I could feel myself getting hard, and some part of me wondered if I was feeling him getting hard or if it was just my imagination and hope. I didn’t dare do anything to check, and I didn’t dare pull away. I was stuck in an endless loop of dancing.

Then his face drew nearer, and I thought my heart might trip over itself and stop when I realized what was happening. Suddenly, everything I thought I knew about him, about us, was thrown out the window. Two voices screamed in my head, one to immediately run before everything changed irrevocably, and the other screamed to lean in closer, to have this moment.

Ultimately, the decision was made for me when he pulled me into the kiss at the last second. A wave of heat passed through me as I stood there, no longer dancing and realizing what was happening. All those years of dreaming, pining, and hoping were being realized, and I found I couldn’t move a muscle.

For one moment, all that existed in my world was the two of us. The feel of his fingers squeezing into my skin as he held me, the press of his lips, and the firmness of his body against mine. I had pictured this moment so many times, but never once had I thought it would happen in the middle of a dance floor, and on the best day I’d had in over two years.

Which was all it took to break the illusion. My head was no longer filled with the rush of a first kiss and the realization of a dream but instead with the thoughts of the lover I had watched die. My chest ached, and I felt my stomach twist into painful knots. Lucas was long gone, but two years did not feel like enough time. This kiss, as wonderful and unexpected as it had been, felt like a betrayal of the memory of a man who had loved me so warmly, so brightly.

“I’m sorry,” I said as I pulled away, knowing he couldn’t hear me but hoping he would understand from the movement of my lips. I could only shake my head as I backed away to be quickly reminded that I was surrounded by people dancing and writhing, unaware and uncaring about what was happening around them.

“Hunter,” Kai called, reaching toward me and stopping when I backed up, shaking my head again.

“I’m sorry,” I repeated. I hated the look on his face. I couldn’t tell if he was disappointed, upset, or worried about me. He hadn’t done anything wrong, but the guilt on his face hurt me almost as much as the memory of Lucas.

The club, which had been a source of liberation and happiness for me, was now too cramped, too loud, and too chaotic. Suddenly, the last thing I wanted was to stay on the dance floor and in the club. The air was hot and oppressive, and the smell of sweat and alcohol was choking me. All I could manage was to shake my head, point to myself, and then toward the entrance to tell him I needed fresh air.

Kai made to take another step toward me but stopped when I backed up again, giving him a grimace of apology as I did so. I knew he just wanted to help, but there was nothing he could do for me. There was nothing either of us could do, so I just turned and walked away, wincing every time someone bumped into me.

My vision narrowed to a point as I stumbled through the crowd. I didn’t know how long it took, but at some point, I found myself outside. The crowd had thinned on the streets since we’d arrived at the club. It seemed like most people were either still having the time of their lives or had headed somewhere else.

A wave of loneliness welled inside me and threatened to drown me as I stood on the sidewalk, watching a few people as they went about their night. It seemed that I couldn’t even manage to have a good night without the darkness that had infected my life two years ago finding its way back to me. I felt listless as I wandered down the sidewalk, unaware of what was happening around me. Kai texted me to ask where I was, and all I could do was tell him I was getting fresh air and would meet him back at my place later.

I walked for several minutes before I realized where I was. I had purposefully chosen the club Kai and I had gone to because I wanted to avoid the area where Lucas and I had been attacked. Yet, without thinking, I had wandered onto that street and felt a shiver go down my spine. It was a stupid thing to do, but I found myself walking to the alley where I had dragged myself out of the abandoned building in an effort to save my life.

Kai would have been furious if he knew I’d come here alone in the dark. I wondered if he would be frustrated that I was here, poking at a wound that sometimes felt old and sometimes felt fresh. Or maybe he would just be angry because of the risk.

But maybe I deserved to have the reminder, to stand there in the long shadows and remember. To remember how I had failed to save the man I loved, to spare myself the horror that had beendone to me. My eyes drifted to the ground where I’d dragged myself, bleeding heavily and trying so hard to get help. I’d wanted someone to help, to save me, to save Lucas even though he was beyond saving by then. Had I known he was gone and just denied it? Maybe I was too far gone to know up from down, let alone know my boyfriend was dead.

A soft scuffle behind me sent my heart leaping into my throat. With a choked sound, I turned around to find someone standing at the mouth of the alleyway. The light was behind him, and I couldn’t see his face, but his hands were shoved into his pockets, and he was hunched forward.

“What’re you skulkin’ around here for?” the man asked, and it was like getting slapped with an icy hand.

I knew that voice.

“If you’re lookin’ for a bit of fun, then you’re in the right place,” he said with a chuckle. “Course, I hope you got the money for it and ain’t lookin’ to waste anyone’s time…especially mine.”

“You,” I croaked out, taking a shaky step backward. It was the trio’s dealer buddy, the one they’d met up with and convinced Lucas and me to follow them. The whole thing had happened because I’d trusted them and stupidly let myself fall for their lies, even when they’d led us down the dark alley to the building where this guy supposedly kept his stash.

And now he was here again.

“What? Someone tell you about me?” he asked as he stepped closer, forcing me to take another step away. “Damn, what’d they tell you? I don’t bite…hard.”

“Yes, you do,” I heard myself say, my voice sounding distant, weak and thready. “You really do.”

“Do I now?” he asked, sounding amused and getting closer. Just like that night over two years ago, I realized there was no way out of the alley other than the mouth he was guarding. I was trapped here by him. “Wait a minute…you look familiar.”

My heart thundered in my chest as my lungs struggled to find oxygen. I didn’t know how I felt at first, he didn’t seem to recognize me, but the fear spiked the moment I realized he might remember me if I stood there for too long. Yet all I could do was stand and stare at him in horror as he approached.

He stepped under the faint light from the sign above me, and something inside me tried to curl up and hide when his face was illuminated. It was the same face. An odd mixture of handsome and ugly that had struck me the first time I’d seen him. The same crossed scar high on his cheek, the same hard eyes that held more malice and cunning than anyone I’d ever seen.

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