Page 29 of Passion and Payback

My terror mounted when his eyes widened, and he laughed harshly. “Well, I’ll be God damned. Of all the people to run into, I wasn’t expectin’ you.”

“Leave me alone,” I said quietly as I backed up, hitting the wall behind me. Panic was a desperate animal clawing inside my chest, trapped there with the cry that had been building. There was no way past him without getting close, and as I’d learned that horrible night, the chances of someone walking past and actually helping were next to zero.

His fat lips curled into an ugly grin. “What, you felt like comin’ back and enjoyin’ the memories? Gotta be honest, I wasn’t expectin’ either of you boys to make it. We gutted you pretty good, but here you are.”

“Go to hell,” I said, feeling dizzy as I tried to think ofsomethingI could do. He was advancing slowly, and all I could focus on was the hard glint in his eyes.

“See, that’s where you come in again,” he said with a chuckle, hands at his waist. “See, your fuck buddies might’ve got off without much trouble, but me? Well, you caused me a whole heap of grief.”

“Me?” I asked, eyes going wide.

“You,” he said, and before I could see the danger, he darted forward. His hand found my throat and slammed my head against the wall, shooting stars and colors across my vision. “You just had to go and live, then start shootin’ your mouth off, didn’t ya? You know how much hell those pigs gave me afterward? Guess it’s a good thing Coop and his two idiots were willin’ to do me a solid eventually, but ooh boy, you hurt my pockets.”

It was like being in a nightmare where, no matter how much I pushed, I couldn’t find the strength to fend him off. His grip was like cold iron on my throat, and his body was pressed firmly against me. It had been stupid to come here alone, and now I was trapped in a stinking alley with one of my worst nightmares.

“So I’m thinkin’, maybe I should pay you back for the trouble you gave me,” he said with an ugly sneer. My eyes widened when a flash of silver crossed my vision, and I stared at the awful knife he’d pulled from behind him. “Oh yeah, you remember this, right? I’m tryin’ to remember, was it me who gutted your boyfriend with it first, or was it Coop?”

I knew the answer, of course, but all I could do was stare at the knife in horror. The last time I had seen that blade, it had been sliding out of my guts, stained with both mine and Lucas’s blood. That was after they’d all taken turns beating us, and I’d been forced to watch as the blond fucker in charge of the merry group of assholes had shoved the knife between Lucas’s ribs.

“Why don’t we,” he said slowly, and I winced as I felt the tip of the blade shove into my skin, “see if I can’t pay you back in full…and some interest while we’re at it. Let’s see if you can survive again…I bet you won’t.”

Terror gave way to despair, and even as I felt the blade sliding into my skin again, I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe this was what should have happened all along. After all, I’d spent two years trying desperately to put my life together, even when getting out of bed was the hardest thing I had to do that day.I had tried to get through without breaking down in tears or shaking like a leaf whenever I heard a man laugh just the right way.

And what had it all been for? So I could return to the scene of my worst horror and be found by one of the four monsters who still haunted my nightmares? What was the point of all the exercises and classes to help me feel in control and less likely to be a victim? Only to turn around and make myself the victim all over again.

“Ahh,” I groaned as the knife slid in an inch.

Really?I heard Lucas’s words in my head.After all that, all the hard work, you’re going to…what? Give up? You were so worried about insulting me by kissing Kai, yet you’re going to let this asshole kill you without so much as a fight? That’s the real insult to my memory if you ask me.

I could see him saying it, shaking his head as he wondered where the hell the man he’d fallen in love with had gone. That man was long gone in so many ways, replaced by someone haunted by the past in ways I never thought possible. It was the same person Kai had treasured for years and tried to take care of…and wasn’t I letting him down too?

It hadn’t been my fault, even if I had been too trusting, too slow to react to the danger. I hadn’t deserved what had been done to me, and I didn’t deserve to watch Lucas’s life slip away like I had. All I’d wanted for the past couple of years was to try to get back on track, try to have a life again, and now this man had come slinking out of the shadows to take all that hard-fought progress, that tear-soaked success, and slice it out of me one inch at a time.

The despair filling me broke open, and I found a fiery core of absolute fury. And not just anger, but downright indignation. How fucking dare this motherfucker come along and decide he was going to add to the misery he and his friends had alreadycaused? Oh, his business had taken a hit? All the while, his buddies had gotten off without so much as a slap on the wrist because they came from good families.

And what had I got? A whole host of problems and neuroses. A life shattered into a million pieces, some of which I would never get back or find a place for again. I’d lost just about everything, and now this bastard was going to try to take what little I’d kept. He’d probably contact his friends and tell them how he had taken care of their little problem and that the mess was officially cleaned up.

Likehell!

In my rage, I found the answer to my weakness before had been terror. That fear was gone, however, and I slammed my head forward, driving it into his thick nose. As the fury wrapped itself around my thoughts, I found grim, ugly satisfaction in the sound of his nose shattering and the grunt of pain as he stumbled back.

I barely noticed the pain that flared in my side as he ripped the knife out so he could cling to his face. What I did notice, though, was the bottle beside me. I wrapped my hands around the neck, absurdly realizing it was the exact brand of cheap vodka I had drunk at frat parties. Not that it mattered one way or another because, like the innocence and happiness I’d had once upon a time, the bottle shattered as I drove it into the side of his face.

“Motherfucker,” he hissed, clutching the side of his head and swinging the knife wildly at me. I hadn’t just cut the side of his face. There were glass fragments in his cheeks and sprinkled in his beard.

“What’s the matter? Not so tough when you haven’t got your buddies with you?” I snarled, feeling the hate inside me twist and squirm.

“I don’t need them to deal with you, you cheap little shit,” he grunted and leaped at me. Anger had cleared my head, and I saw him attacking from a mile off. I grabbed his arm as he missed his first thrust and flung him behind me into the wall. Again, I heard a harsh crack as his head slammed into the bricks, leaving a red smear as he slid to the ground.

I advanced on him as he crumpled, his eyes open still but dazed. My eyes fell on the combat knife he’d used on who knew how many people. The same knife he and his buddies had used to carve me up and take Lucas’s life.

“Like it meant nothing,” I snarled. “Like we meant nothing.”

“Nothing,” he repeated, and I didn’t know if he was agreeing with me or if his addled thoughts had landed on that one word and decided to repeat it. Honestly, I didn’t care about the reason or the motivation. It was just confirmation of precisely what I’d just said, and all I could see was Lucas’s beautiful face, marred with bruises and smeared with blood, as he reached out toward me. His last act on this earth was to comfort me and try to save me.

With a snarl I never knew I was capable of, I flung myself at him. That disgusting, evil blade was in my hand, and I gripped it tightly as I knelt over him. I watched as it slid forward into his guts and saw the way his eyes went wide. I stopped for a moment, surprised at how easily the blade slid into him. I had almost forgotten how easy it was to drive a blade into someone’s gut, it was virtually identical to what I had thought when the shoe was on the other foot, and he had been the one stabbing me.

“Are we still nothing, you miserable piece of shit?” I hissed, seeing the fear in his eyes eclipsing even the pain.

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