Page 38 of Passion and Payback

That last part stuck in my head and whirled around, making me think. It was easy to justify what I’d done based on self-defense, and even not going to the cops made sense. Who wanted that kind of trouble over someone who tried to kill me…again.

Yet, the thought of what I’d done didn’t make me recoil or shrink back in horror. If anything, it made me think about the rightness of what I’d done. Yet, in the nights that followed, I didn’t lose a wink of sleep over it; in fact, I slept better than ever. Yet, I hadn’t felt that sense of helplessness like before and was frustrated that I’d tasted some semblance of my former self-assurance but couldn’t quite get it all back.

Yet, and yet, and yet…so many thoughts swirled and spun in my mind until they were all I could think of.

Which was where the research came in. The idea of research had come a couple of days after the dealer’s death. I also knew I needed to be careful, so I made a few inquiries to discover a decent VPN service to cover my IP, and then, using that, I did some digging on the somewhat infamous and ominously named dark web.

The dark web took me a few days to get the hang of. It didn’t navigate like the regular internet and demanded more than point-and-click. However, once that had been done, I began digging where it would go unnoticed. It was a place where the worst, most degenerate people could operate with impunity…but it also allowed me to look up things I didn’t want traced back to me, and I could do it in the privacy of my apartment.

“Who’s that?”

The sudden presence of someone behind me sent an electric shock through my whole body as I yelped. The laptop dropped from my lap and, thankfully, onto a pillow from the couch that had fallen when Big Melvin had decided to squeeze his chunky butt between me and the arm of the couch. The cats that had congregated scattered as I turned to glare at the man who had ruined my peace and quiet by walking around silently.

“What the hell happened to trying to make more noise when you move around?” I demanded, bothered by the fact that he didn’t look the least bit guilty about startling me. Which meant he had intentionally sneaked up on me.

“I’m sure you can imagine I’ve been a little concerned about my best friend, who had a rough weekend,” he said. I watched him pop a Pringle in his mouth and bite into it with a crunch. “Especially when he’s been spending so much time on his own, on that laptop, looking up things on a browser I don’t recognize.”

“Just…a new browser, what’s weird about that?” I asked with a scowl. “And why are you ruining your appetite with chips? I told you the stew would be done soon.”

“This might amaze you, but I’m capable of eating a little something now, then eating a lot of something later,” he said, walking around the couch. He wasn’t going to let the subject drop easily as he stared at me.

I rolled my eyes. “I thought even military metabolisms slowed down once you got over twenty-five.”

“Your food isn’t going to make me fat,” he said as he sat on the couch. He’d been here long enough to check the cushion before dropping down so he didn’t squash a cat. “Now, why were you looking up random guys?”

“I wasn’t looking up random guys,” I said as I grabbed the computer. Only to watch it disappear before my eyes and find its way onto his lap. “Kai!”

Instead of confusion on his face, I watched his lips thin. “The dark web? I didn’t even know you knew what that was.”

“A lot of people know what it is,” I said, yanking the computer back and closing the lid. “You hear about it all the time.”

“You hear about how it’s this dangerous place where you can order drugs, weapons, sell people and look up child porn. The news only talks about that.”

“Yeah, and if you listen to other people, you’ll know there are other things there, too. Plus, what’s wrong with drugs? What people put into their body?—”

“Is their business,” he finished wearily. “I know the argument, and you know I don’t care if you occasionally have a bit of fun. It’s your life. It’s the other things you can get access to there that worry me.”

I glared at him. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? That I’m looking up kids or snuff videos? Jesus, Kai, just because?—”

“You didn’t suddenly lose all sense of morality or who you are because you stabbed the fuck out of some scum bag who should have been offed years ago,” he said with a roll of his eyes, his tone testy.

“Then what are you so worried about? I’m clearly not looking up anything illegal,” I told him, a little mollified by his understanding of me.

His eyes burrowed into mine for several heartbeats before he sighed. “It wouldn’t be all that hard to find someone willing to kill a few guys for you for the right price.”

I blinked. “You…think I’m looking up hitmen?”

“Hunter?”

“Well, I’m not.”

“Then you’re doing something so much worse.”

“What could be worse?”

“You’re looking up all the information you can find on them.”

“Okay?”

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