Page 90 of Passion and Payback

“That was his friend,” I said softly. “I can’t say it’s all that weird that he’s acting badly right now.”

“Is that sympathy I’m hearing?”

I gave him a dirty look. “Not really. I still plan to continue, but?—”

The plan had gotten easier from the sounds of it. He and Callum were always going to be the hardest to get to because of their status. I’d expected more security, though I probably shouldn’t count that chicken without seeing the hatchery first. The original plan had been to come here, scope him out, and see if there was a way to get to him. The building wasn’t used for anything important, so security was supposed to be minimal. We had seen how few cameras there were, so it would just be a case of trying to get around them.

“I just...it’s weird to think of them as friends.”

“You knew they were friends from the start.”

“I used that word so fucking sarcastically it should have drowned half the city,” I snapped at him and then forced myself to take a deep breath. “I thought of them as the bastards that did what they did.”

“You forgot they were people.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, they are, Hunter.”

“I’m aware!”

He turned so he was pushed up against me, pinning me to the wall and sending my blood pressure skyrocketing. “Are you?”

“Kai.”

“Because this isn’t some TV show or movie, you’re not some monster hunter killing the evil big bad of the week.”

“I’m not?—”

“You are,” he got closer and spoke so low and quiet that the wind almost took his voice from my ears despite our closeness, “killingpeople.They’re people who did awful, fucked up shit, and they absolutely, without a doubt, deserve what we are doing...whatyouare doing. But you need to realize they’re still people. They've still got lives, people who care about them, even love them. Those same people will suffer because of what we’re doing. If you need to take a minute to understand that, then we need to leave right now and get your head in the game.”

“And if I can’t? Get my head in the game?” I asked him, turning my chin up stubbornly.

“Then we stop,” he said simply, resting his hand gently on my cheek. “This isn’t a game, Hunter. These are lives you’re dealing with, your life especially. If you can’t commit further than this because your heart is getting in the way, we cut our losses and learn to live with what remains.”

The worst, most infuriating part was that I could feel myself faltering at his words, forcing myself to look away. I was risking so much, and for what? Revenge on a group of men. These three were nothing special, monsters in a world full of them, and I was going through all this because I needed to avenge a man who was past suffering.

I breathed deeply and remembered the smell of sweat and blood, the acidic fear that had filled my nose so horribly it wasall I could smell. I could hear the hiss of their voices, their laughter as they abused me,violatedme. It had taken days to stop bleeding, weeks to be able to leave the house, and untold months to be able to feel anything but distant terror at the sight of other people.

It might have been selfish, but it wasn’t just Lucas I was avenging. It wasme. It wasn’t just about getting back my power or finding a way to live with myself. It was finding a way to make sure these men wouldneverget away with what they had done and that their final moments were filled with the knowledge that, in the end, they had been exactly what Kai had said, a person. Mortal, fragile, and just as prone to having monstrous acts done to them.

“Law of the universe,” I said, turning my head to stare fiercely up into Kai’s face. “Like begets like. They treated me monstrously.”

“So now you become a monster,” he said, but his voice held no malice, judgment, or disgust. Only a flash of sorrow and regret in his eyes, gone a moment later as he steeled himself, but it had been so strong that it broke my heart knowing I was the one doing that to him. Maybe I understood what he meant when he’d spoken at Damon’s and accidentally pissed me off. Because of the feeling inside me, the monster that had grown inside me. I wouldn’t have wished it on anyone else and would have done whatever it took to spare them living this way.

“Then let’s do this,” he said, and in the hard lines, the intensity and sheer lack of regret or remorse on his face, I realized I was finally seeing the soldier Kai had been all these years.

I had only a moment to wonder if I might have released something I hadn’t expected or knew anything about, but it was too late. I had told him I was dedicated to whatever came next and meant it with every fiber of my being. All I could do now wasfollow him, prepare for whatever came our way, and hope we got through with our skins and sanity intact...and maybe a few other things.

“How are we going to find him?” I asked once I was close enough to speak and not to be overheard.

Rather than speaking, he turned to look upward. I could see the lights from the large windows of the event room and the small black squares of the rooms above it. That was, except for a couple, which were lit. I couldn’t be sure if it was a trick of the eye mixed with my anticipation, but I would swear I saw a shadow move across the window.

“They said he’s been on his own the whole night,” Kai said softly, his eyes sharp and distant, as if he were keeping up with the conversation but also crunching numbers in his head. “I don’t see anywhere else lit up.”

“I know I said here, but...” I trailed off with a wince. “Security systems, security guards, on and on. Wouldn’t catching him in his car or something be better?”

“Car would work,” he said, glancing at me. “Except he’ll still have people with him, and it’s more likely to draw attention than someone high above a noisy party.”

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