Page 19 of Passion and Payback

“Not any good?” I asked to stir him from his thoughts for a moment.

He blinked owlishly before understanding and recognition entered his eyes. “Oh, sorry. No, it’s always good. I don’t think I’ve ever had anything questionable from that place, and I have to say, that’s a hard feat for any restaurant.”

“And here you are, barely touching what you ordered,” I said, raising a brow and watching him.

“I know,” he said with a sigh. “I’m in my head too much. I’m sorry.”

“I keep telling you, you don’t have to apologize for what happened.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Fine, apology accepted.”

“I…that’s not how it works.”

“Really? Then what’s the point of accepting an apology if the other person isn’t going to accept the acceptance? I also screwed up, and I apologized for that.”

“Which wasn’t a big deal. You were doing what you thought was right.”

“So did you. It just meant that the two of us got hurt in the process, and now I know better than to accidentally trigger you by grabbing you like that. And now you know that you can still have that reaction and be ready. Now we’ve both acknowledged what went wrong and can make sure not to do it in the future.”

“We didn’ttryto do it this time.”

“Accidents happen. You apologize for them, like we did, and then try not to do them again, which we will. That done? Then you move on.”

I could see his temper working its way back to the surface as he struggled with what I was saying and what he was feeling. Hunter, as sweet and kind as he was, was stubborn, fiercer than he let on, and not all that patient when he got worked up. He wasalso the kind of person who was hellbent on raking themselves over the coals for something that wasn’t his fault or was a perfectly normal thing to do.

He surprised me when his face broke its growing anger, and for a moment, I caught a glimpse of pure sorrow. Yet it disappeared when he let out a soft, shaky laugh, looking down at the table and shaking his head.

“Yeah,” he said in a soft voice. “That’s about right.”

“I think you lost me,” I admitted to him.

He sighed. “I found myself thinking of Lucas earlier. That’s kind of why I burnt the steaks. I was lost in a memory.”

“A good one?” I asked, hoping that at least he could have good memories and notjustpainful reminders of what he’d lost.

A complicated expression crossed his face, something between worry, guilt, and something else I couldn’t figure out. It was gone a moment later, and he nodded. “I’d like to think of it as one. He showed he knew me better than I’d ever given him credit for. And showing how much he loved me. But I remembered how…you two remind me of each other.”

I thought back to Lucas, who had been different from the other guys Hunter had dated. There had always been a sense of calm around Lucas, a stable core that was neither fazed nor bothered by the constant chaos inherent in the world. He could see into people quite easily, but if he ever did that to you, you only felt like he was curious and not placing judgment. I suppose the only similarities I could see were that we were both tall, dark-haired and eyed, and unlike Hunter, we didn’t immediately burst into flames in the sunlight.

“You’re gonna have to explain that one to me,” I said with a chuckle. “Because he and I couldn’t have been less alike if we tried.”

Hunter scoffed. “You two were more alike in ways you’re not seeing.”

“I guess I’ll have to take your word for it,” I said with a shrug, not wanting to push him. Despite what he’d said earlier, I knew the topic of Lucas was still sensitive. It was one thing for him to talk about Lucas; he knew better than anyone what the safe zones were, and I could end up accidentally stumbling into the bad ones.

“You were both good at calling me out when I was being ridiculous or too hard on myself, but always in a way that didn’t make me feel like complete shit. You were both good at knowing things about me but not always feeling the need to call me out, sometimes letting me do things how I needed to because that’s who I am. And you both made me feel safe, and loved, and understood. And in this case, just like he did, you take things that are complicated to me and boil them down to the simplest form, and then I feel dramatic for letting it go that far in the first place.”

“Well, you do have a lot going on in your head right now,” I told him.

His eyes were downcast as he nodded. “He’d tell me right now that I was overcomplicating things. I was trying to make myself the bad guy because, in my head, therehasto be a bad guy, so I might as well make it me instead of someone I love. And then he’d tell me it’s okay to miss him, but I shouldn’t beat myself up because I’d started getting better.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“But I do.”

“Remember when your parents died?”

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