Page 17 of Hearts of Fairlake

"When you went up there, even though it was against protocol and dangerous...did you do it because that was your job? Like...because that's what you felt you needed to do?"

I thought about it for a moment, mostly to figure out where he was trying to go with this. "No. I took this job because I wanted to help people and give back to the peopleof Fairlake like my family used to do, but in a 'boots on the ground' sort of way. And that night, I did it because there were kids trapped up there, and rules be damned, I was going to try to help them. Not because it was my job, but because I wanted to...and I guess you could say I almost felt like I needed to."

"Would it have felt the same if you had been ordered up there?"

"I...don't know, maybe?"

"What if you had been ordered up there when you didn't want to go? Or...maybe you did, but you were worried and scared about going, but Bolton or someone else forced you?"

"I would have done it because it was all I could do then, but I wouldn't have...oh."

He surprised me by bending down to kiss between my shoulder blades. "Your dad didn't give you a choice either...not a real one. Do what they want...or lose them. You've been mad at them, and you hate them, but...that doesn't mean you can't still miss things about them...or miss them at all."

The sudden wash of sorrow caught me off-guard as I felt my eyes prickle with tears threatening to surface. Sure, sometimes I remembered the good times, like my father taking time out of his day once to personally train me how to ski rather than pushing it off onto a skilled and expensive instructor. My mother had always taken at least an hour, if not more, to sit down with me to do...just about anything. All that had mattered to her was that we had time together, whether it was getting me to read aloud to her, play a game, paint...anything.

My childhood had been fairly strict. We were expected to act and speak in a way that took me years to unravel after I left. But there were still bright moments of light and laughter, and I had never wondered what it was like not to beloved or cared for. My father had high expectations for my future but never treated me as less or a simple extension of himself. Until he discovered I could neverfit into the mold he had created for me. It might have been a wider, more accepting mold than many of my peers at the time, but it was no less strict or unforgiving to those who tried to break out of it.

"I don'twantto miss them," I said in a thick voice.

The cot shifted, and suddenly, Julian was beside me, squeezing his mass between my body and the wall. For someone smaller, it would have been effective but only pushed me aside. The result was that I was almost pushed off the bed, but he was quick, grabbing me and pulling me back. It also had the benefit of jerking a surprised laugh out of me before I took comfort in his arms, holding me close.

"Sorry," he mumbled, sounding embarrassed.

"Don't be," I said, burying my face in his neck and kissing it. "I'll just chalk it up to you wanting an excuse to get ahold of me."

"I don't need an excuse for that," he said in a rare moment of smugness that made me laugh.

"You really don't," I said, running my hand up and down his wide back appreciatively. "It's a free pass as far as I'm concerned."

"Same for you."

"Oh yeah? Good to know."

Which, of course, was the moment I decided to slip my hands between our bodies and find the front of his shorts. I cupped him, appreciating his soft feel just like I enjoyed him in any other shape. Of course, my touch completely changed things, and I could feel him growing hard. He buried his face into the top of my head to kiss gently, and I slid my hand into his shorts, sighing in contentment and pleasure as my fingers found the soft, growing shaft.

Julian grunted, and I wondered if he would try to stop me before it got too far to continue our conversation. I, however, was distracted from my misery. What was happening right now was far more interesting than what we had just been talking about. And if I was using it as a distraction for a moment to pour all my feelings into something 'productive,' something I knew what to do with, then...who could blame me?

Not either of us, that was for sure.

By the time we’d worked together to push his shorts off, he was already rock-hard. I wasn't surprised by his rapid response. The past week had seen us unable to have any intimate time together between long and conflicting shifts. Though the initial heat of our relationship had cooled to a far less consistently horny level, all I had to do wasthinkabout the man naked, his dick, or...well, honestly, just seeing him in a good pair of shorts, bent over as he did something completely benign could still do it for me.

Except now he knelt over me, gripping the base of his thick cock to aim it toward my mouth. There was zero hesitation as I opened my lips and felt the thick head slide past them, the weight of it on my tongue as he slid forward. The angle was bad for using my throat, but that was alright. Even years of practice didn't prevent me from the occasional sore throat whenever Julian got a little...enthusiastic during blow jobs. Not that I could rest the blame for that solely on his shoulders. I was just as enthused about it when he got his engine revved up.

Julian hovered over me, slowly shifting his hips as he stared down. Eye contact had always been a big thing for him, and if he could take the opportunity to watch intensely, he would. Not that I minded. The intensity of his stare before sex immediately made me ready, and during? Well, that was enough to make me squirm, enough that I had tofind a way to remove my pants to make myself more comfortable from the straining of my dick.

That lasted only a moment before restlessness kicked in. As much as it was fun, I was already amped up from the slight dry spell and the desperate need to feel something more...vigorous. I patted the side of the bed, then tugged his leg so he understood what I wanted. Raising a brow, he did as I asked, sliding off the cot to stand beside the bed. That allowed me to turn around so my head hung off the side of the bed, mouth open.

Not one to waste the opportunity being offered, Julian immediately put his dick right back where it was. The difference was the new position allowed him to press forward until his cock slid into my throat. While I had gotten better at deep-throating him, this was the only position that allowed it to happen comfortably. It wasn't my fault that Julian had to be big all over, but that didn't mean I couldn't find ways to accommodate my shortcomings.

Julian was clearly enjoying himself, gently rocking back and forth. He used the upper bunk to hold onto while he crouched down to reach my mouth. It gave me a chance to breathe before he finally slid forward, wiry red hair tickling my nose as he bottomed out with a low moan. Another one was pulled from him when I swallowed as much as I could, which wasn’t actually swallowing, but my muscles did something that made his legs shake.

As there wasn't much I could do in this position, I flopped my hand over for the small overnight bag I'd brought. Julian pulled out slowly, savoring the sight as I got hold of the drawstring bag and opened it. After a moment, my hands closed around the familiar shape of a bottle and pulled it out. Spreading my legs, I opened it, letting any excess lube spill onto my shirt as I applied the liquid to my fingers.

I moaned as I pushed two fingers into myself, hiking upmy legs and hooking my feet into the slats of the bunk above for easier access. Despite my vision being partially blocked by Julian's cock, I could still see how intensely he stared down at me as he took advantage of my throat and mouth, his eyes only leaving my face to watch what I was doing.

Completely trusting him if I started to fall, I reached up with my other hand and under his shirt to run my hands over his muscles. I could feel them shifting under his skin and the heat radiating off him. A shiver ran through me, and I pushed a third finger inside, feeling my body protest mildly before it relaxed as Julian once more bottomed out in my throat.

The moment was heated but slow, and I couldn't wait until it was his cock inside me rather than my fingers. The anticipation made me antsy, and I spread my fingers to ensure I was nicely stretched. I'd grown adept at taking him over the years, but that didn't mean some preparation from one of us didn't help.

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