Page 25 of Hearts of Fairlake

"Exactly. Now what about the first night while you were still pissed?"

"I missed you. Even when I was laying there, thinking about how much I wanted to shake you and tell you off...our bedroom just felt too empty."

I blinked, my chest giving a squeeze, and I wondered if we'd been doing the same thing every night but on opposite sides of Fairlake. The past few nights had been spent on Bri's couch, with me on my back, staring up at the ceiling, wondering what Trevor was doing. Used to be that insomnia and I were well acquainted, but the past three nights had been the first time in years I’d had difficulty falling asleep.

"The whole damn house is too quiet," he continued, eyes dropping to the floor. "I've thought that every time you've gone on some assignment but it's worse because you're not there because you don't want to be, not because you're working."

"I don't…" I began, my stomach twisting with guilt. "Well, okay. I guess I kinda want to be there, but it just feels...I don't know...wrong to be there."

"How is it wrong?"

"Because you didn't trust me, Trevor. If I stuck around at home, I would have kept getting reminded that when youshould have trusted me, you didn't...doesn't mean I haven't missed you the whole time."

His eyes drifted toward the window, face creased with a frown. "I...reacted badly. I should have known you wouldn't do something like that. But I wish you’d mentioned it."

"I was going to when I knew more. The offer is on the table, but I don't know much about it...or if I want to go."

At that, he scoffed softly. “You want to go. Just because you're happy here doesn't mean you're not still the same restless, adventure-seeking shithead I met and fell in love with years ago."

If he was insulting me, we were moving past being angry. Trevor hadneveroutright insulted me when we were arguing. That kind of thing was only meant playfully. "Well...it's kind of a hard habit to break."

He chuckled. “Habit? Ethan, that's who you are. I knew that when we started...everything between us. I didn't go into this relationship hoping it would change, let alone thinking it would. Shit, you wouldn't be you without that sense of adventure, daring attitude, and your need to dig and dig until you get to the truth. It's as much a part of you as your smart mouth and inability to take things seriously."

"I take things seriously," I muttered, but the effect was ruined slightly by the horrifying realization that he was actually making me feel a little emotional.

He smiled at that. “When you want to, but you do tend to go through life treating it like a game."

"A little," I admitted, finally edging closer to him. "There's enough awful, serious shit in the world. No point in treating all of life so seriously."

"Yeah, you leave that to me," he said, looking at me fondly. "I never expect you to change who you are, Ethan. If you weren't you, we wouldn't be having this conversation because I fell in love with who you are. Even if that personsometimes drives me crazy and likes dangerous situations a little too much for my liking, that's you. And I love the person you are."

There was no point in fighting it any longer, so I sat on the couch next to him, fingers itching to reach out as they rested in my lap. Part of me wanted to crack a joke, maybe tease him for being so serious, but it wasn't the time. Sure, Trevor could be too serious for his own good, but he was being earnest with me right now, and despite how much we loved each other, heartfelt moments weren't very common between us. Not because we didn't care, but because we weren't sentimental people…or romantic? Bah, that wasn't even close to who I was as a person.

He might not do heartfelt anymore than I did, but there was no denying he was genuine and honest. I never once had to question if he loved me or cared about me, and save for this latest issue, I knew he trusted me. He didn't just tolerate my difficult ass, he genuinely loved and appreciated me. Ours was a slightly odd relationship, especially compared to some of the more traditionally sentimental, romantic relationships around us, but it worked for us...we worked.

"I...was going to say something," I told him softly. "But I should have brought it up sooner. You shouldn't have had to find out the way you did, and that goes double for you overhearing the explanation instead of being told it."

"Well, you had a point," he said, taking my hand. I didn't know if he sensed I was reluctant about closing the distance between us. Not because I was still mad, but because I just...didn't deal with emotions that well, even after being with him for years. "I did react strongly. And badly. I didn't give you the chance to explain, and you were right to be pissed at me."

"I can't exactly expect you to be the perfect picture of patience all the time. Especially with something like this," Iadmitted. "I know you worry about me when I'm on assignment. Not that you're not justified; I don't exactly take safe jobs."

"Tell me about it," he said with a snort, but he was smiling.

"And I know you're worried about losing me," I said. "Not just because you love me, but because you've already lost a man you loved once."

It had been his childhood best friend with whom he'd been crazy in love, Troy. The two had been close, and both had gone into the Marines. The difference was that Trevor had returned in one piece, but Troy hadn't. Sure, he'd gone on to marry a woman he loved, only to find his marriage ending in a mostly peaceful divorce. But even then, Trevor had mourned the man he'd loved, keeping his dog tags at home and a picture of him in his office.

The picture had disappeared quietly one day. I hadn't said anything, and neither had Trevor. The dog tags were still in his office, tucked into a protective frame I’d bought so he didn't have to clean them constantly. They sat on the top shelf, where you could see them if you searched, but not on display. I was never once bothered by either memorabilia. Trevor loved me fiercely and truly, and if he needed to keep the memory of the first person who ever held his heart in their hands, then I wouldn't complain.

Plus, competing with ghosts was just stupid.

"Yeah, you two are alike enough as it is," he said with a shake of his head. "The last thing I want is to lose you like I did him."

I squeezed his hand, smiling gently. "I wish I could promise that's not going to happen."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I don't."

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