Page 63 of Hearts of Fairlake

"Hope it doesn't make the frogs gay," Felix said, making Louise snort.

"I...what?" I asked in confusion.

"I am not going to explain the context around an oldmeme to you," Louise said with a shake of her head. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have things to do before I start."

I didn't bother to ask and let her disappear back up front. Whenever she was in a full-blown mania, it was simply better to stay out of her way and, if you were one of her chosen helpers, to do as she told you. Otherwise, you were likely to get run down while trying to figure out what was going on in her head. Clearly, Felix had the same thought because with her gone, he quickly scooted out of sight of the doorway to join me at the table, albeit from the other side, where he wouldn't get in my way.

"I take it Luke is currently home with Gray, then?" I asked, resuming my attempts to make the dough cooperate.

"He is," Felix said carefully, undoubtedly feeling out my mood as best he could. "It's only been a few days, so we're trying to make sure one of us is with him as much as possible. It's a little tricky with us both working, but we've more or less made it work."

"It might have been simpler if both of you hadn't been tied to businesses in high demand for the festival," I pointed out.

"Are you making conversation or a critique?"

"A little of both. It was quite sudden, this fostering."

"It was an emergency fostering," Felix said with a shake of his head. "If we hadn't agreed, he would have gone somewhere else. Or possibly into the system to await another set of foster parents."

I felt my stomach twist uncomfortably at the idea. Both my brother and I knew how rough that situation could be on a child. "You also made it far harder on you and Luke, considering the current circumstances. It would have been easier on the two of you if you’d waited until the festival was over."

"Which would have still left him up shit creek without a paddle."

I paused. “Is this because of the boy, or because you can't stand the idea of standing by and seeing a child thrown into the system when he could have been with you and Luke?"

"What, are they mutually exclusive?"

"Don't be flippant."

"I'm not. But I'm not going to pretend my decisions are made in a vacuum, made up of only the stuff happening at that moment," he said with a shrug, leaning on the table. "At the end of the day, I decided to get into the fostering program to...I don't know, make up for what happened to us, to try to be something good in a system that creates so much apathy and cruelty. And at the same time, it's a way for me to feel out if I'm ready to have a family like Luke has always wanted."

"You can't let his wishes on something as serious as this influence such a big decision," I told him, not wanting to make it sound like I was accusing Luke of pushing or Felix of being weak. Still, I knew how easily a loved one could influence your choices, especially a spouse.

"He hasn’t made that wish known often. We don't talk about it much. I think he's afraid it’ll push me toward that decision. Kind of annoying, having someone baby me like that, but it's Luke, and I can forgive him because he's never done anything meant to harm me," he said with a smile. "But I know that's something he wants, and he’s willing to give up that dream if I don't want it. So, this is a way for me to figure it out...and if I'm even up to the task."

"I can't argue with the logic of making sure beforehand," I said. "I suppose this is as good a trial run as you get...though perhaps fostering is, as was put to me once, starting out at hard mode."

Felix grinned. “Let me guess...Sylas?"

I hesitated, not sure if I had trodden on a toe. “We...have discussed it, yes."

Felix shook his head, still smiling. "Yeah, you and pretty much everyone who knows it. Buncha gossips, I swear."

"It wasn'tgossip," I said, slightly offended at the accusation. "It's a serious topic that affects the people we love and care about. It was bound to come up in conversation."

Felix chuckled. “Calm down, I meant it as a tease, not accusing you of anything. Luke and I knew it was a big step for us as a couple, and he won't admit it, but it's ahugestep for me. People were bound to start talking, and it wasn't like we were keeping it a secret."

I wouldn't say it aloud, but I wouldn't lie to myself either. I wondered if Felix was up for the task, not just raising a child but raising one who’d been through a lot before coming to live with him and Luke. I had no doubt my brother was genuine in his intention to do his best and had come a long way from the man I’d witnessed making disasters for years.

That did not mean that taking on the monumental task was something he was fully prepared for. I understood that no one was ready to raise a child, not really, and especially not one who’d already been through a lot. However, my brother had also been through a lot, and while I understood that it meant he had a specialized view of life and trauma, that did not mean he was technically ready to deal with the reality.

"I can practically feel the doubt rolling off you," Felix said, maintaining his smile, but it faltered.

"I don't mean to..." I took a break to collect my thoughts so they came out as correct as possible. I needed my brother to understand that I was just worried, not that I thought he couldn't do it. "I just know this is a lot to ask of anyone, and you have even doubted whether or not you're ready. But as you also pointed out, no one would achieve anything if theywaited until they were ready. I just...do not wish to see you get involved in something that could cause you more harm."

Felix thought about that for a moment before shrugging. “Well, that's how life goes. Like you said, I can't wait until I'm ready, but I also know there's a good chance I could screw up, and this could blow up in my face. But...I'm confident that after all the progress I've made and the people around me, even if it doesn't work out, I'll still be able to get through in one piece."

"Well,” I relented. "You’re much more stable than you've ever been, no offense."

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