Page 82 of Hearts of Fairlake

For the first time since we’d committed to it and brought Gray into the house, I finally felt the impact of the life this boy had come to know. Maybe I was just slow on the draw, or maybe it was normal not to realize what he'd been through. I had stared at his file, with what information we'd been given of his past, and apparently, it hadn't clicked. Even though he'd been here, it was only doing so now.

Horror washed over me as I gazed at him, his face still pulled into one of his rare, genuine smiles. Just when had he stopped feeling like he could smile like that whenever the mood struck him? When had he been made to feel his happiness was not just unwanted but something that could bring trouble? When had he finally learned the lesson that adults, not just his parents, were something to be watched carefully and treated like a dangerous animal that could lash out at you at any moment?

Gray turned his eyes on me, his smile faltering. Felix noticed his reaction before mine and turned to see me, his brow shooting up, eyes darting all over my face to read the weather there. He blinked before sighing. “Gray, do you know how to prep food?"

"Like...cook?"

"I just need someone to get the stuff out so we can cook it."

"Sure."

"Good, just pick out what you want, and I'll cook it up. I need to go throw some laundry in, and I'm dragging this one with me to do the heavy lifting and to find his stray socks."

That seemed to ease Gray's stress, but it certainly didn't do a whole lot to make me feel better. Felix continued to be unfazed as he grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me toward the doorway and down the hall toward our bedroom. He hovered in the doorway, listening to the sounds in the kitchen before closing the door behind him.

"Tell me what's going on in that head of yours, and don't say 'nothing' because I can see it's something," he said.

That brought me up short, and I let out a shaky laugh. “Sounds like something I've said to you in the past."

He rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes, I'm very crazy and fragile."

"Felix—"

"Stop, I'm being an ass. Now talk to me."

I tried to explain the sensation that had filled me, of the enormity of my realization. The problem was that it was impossible to put it into words that would make sense to someone else. Hell, I could barely understand what was going on in my head and I expressed as much before standing there...confused.

Felix chuckled. “I'm pretty familiar with that sensation, don't worry. Sometimes, there are just feelings and thoughts in life that won’t ever come out properly, but...I think I know what happened."

I stared at him. “Why do you look so happy about it?"

Felix cocked his head, and I could hear a muffled thump from the kitchen. “I think he's making so much noise so we can talk, cute."

"He's a lot more observant at that age than I ever was," I said with a shake of my head.

"Well, that's what that kind of life gives you, the ability and curse to read things other kids your age would and should miss," he said with a shrug. "And me, I'm not really...happy about what you told me. It's more that you've been dealing with all this so well up to this point. It's...nice to see you finally hit a wall where you realize you're lost and confused. Which is kinda fucked up now I think about it."

Now, it was my turn to snort. “Not really. I guess you have every right to be amused. I've been pretty chill about this whole thing, but it just hit me, and then you're there handling it like...well, like a pro. By the way, I told you you’d be better at this than you thought."

"Yeah, yeah," he said, taking my hand. "Well, don't worry too hard. You were right that we can handle this, okay? And let's keep going the way we have been. Just, with me aware that I can actually handle some of this, and you?—"

"Realizing the full scope of how fucked up life has been to him?"

"Neither of us is ever going to understand the full scope. Hell, he'll never understand the full scope, even though he's been through it. Honestly, it's kind of my hope that being here with us shows him more of just how screwed up things for him have been."

"That's...kind of messed up to wish on a kid."

He raised a brow. “I didn't realize how messed up my childhood and the years afterward were until I saw what normal and healthy looked like firsthand. And knowing something like that is the first step to being able to figure out what needs to change in your life so you can have something like normal, healthy shit. I mean...yeah, it sucks when you realize your life was way worse than you ever thought, butthat doesn't change that it's important to go through that to learn."

I sighed. “I see your point, but I just...Christ, it's weird. He's already been through enough as it is. Feels weird to rub it in his nose that there's better out there."

"You know that's not what we're doing," he said, pulling me close. "That's just you freaked out."

I thought about that for a moment, shoulders slumping. "I guess the alternative would be throwing him back to the wolves, which is not happening."

He hugged me with a smile. “Not that you ever considered that an option for a minute."

"Not a chance," I said roughly. "I guess I still have plenty to learn myself, huh?"

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