Page 5 of Essa

His cheeks are burning bright red, either because he's flustered from our interactions with the golden female or the two purple males. Or maybe it's because he knows exactly why I want to get him somewhere more private.

You can't fuck me to make how you just acted okay.Seth's trying to sound stern right now, but it takes just one side eye from me to know he's full of shit.

I take a deep breath and stand from the loveseat.Good thing I have no plans on fucking you.

He follows me out of the entertainment room. The red pendant dangles from my fingers as we walk down the halls, trying to find our room. Maybe I shouldn't have turned it to red until we were told where to go. No one stops us, though. In fact, we don't see anyone as we try every single door until one finally opens for us.

The room is nicer than any we've ever had. It's filled with a large bed and a couple of small closets. A handful of drawers are built into one wall, and when I pull one out, it's filled with various types and flavors of lube. I take special note of that, knowing Seth and I can get some use out of this room. We both ignore what I'm almost positive is a sex swing in the corner. Maybe we'll return to that when I feel better about being on this ship.

There's a small bathroom attached, which means the only reason we'll need to leave this room is for food. This is good. The less we have to interact with everyone else, the better.

Seth takes in the room with more awe than I do. It's a room with a bed. It's not like we're staying somewhere really nice. He finds joy in everything, though.

It should warm my cold, dead heart. Normally, it does a little bit. He's the only one who can. I'm too hyped right now, though.I want to fight someone or show them that I'm not weak. Seeing as I can't do that with anyone on this crew without risking our chance of starting over, I'm left with using Seth.

"On your knees." I grab the back of his neck and use some of my strength to push him down. His eyes flash a mixture of confusion and surprise before he follows my lead and falls to his knees. He might be confused, but it doesn't stop him from working the button of my jeans.

"I said I wasn't fucking you." I grab a handful of his hair and guide his open mouth over my cock as soon as it's free. "I didn't say I wasn't coming."

Seth makes a sound of protest that's muffled on my cock as I thrust deeper into his throat. He gags once before relaxing. My hold softens in his hair because he only needs minor instructions to keep up the pace I want.

When I spill down his throat, and he pulls off me, gasping for air and looking up at me with devotion and blown out pupils, I let out a contented sigh. That's exactly what I needed. Some of the sharp edges of my tension have been dulled, and I'm in a much better mood.

"What about me?" Seth asks, still kneeling in front of me, his lips swollen and pink.

I guide him over to the bed. Not letting him get off his knees until I nudge him onto his back. I unbutton his jeans, bring the zipper down, and pull him out. I spit into my hand, rubbing it over his head, causing him to whine and moan.

If we were somewhere safe, I'd make him wait longer, but we're not, and I can't risk anyone finding us in a vulnerable position. I stroke him in the way I know he loves, and when he blows, I wrap my lips around his tip and drink him down.

Promise me you won't cause problems here.Seth says as his breathing starts to level out. We're both back to being fully clothed, lying on the bed on our backs next to one another.

"I can't promise that," I tell him.

I try to sound amused, but it's taken out of me right now. There's always a short period after we're together where my emotions almost feel normal. Where I think I might be a normal human. It never lasts long, but for the few minutes I have, I savor them.

"Promise you'll try." Seth turns to face me, his eyes probing.

I can't look at him right now. He'll get me to agree to things I won't be able to do when I'm back to being who I am. So, I ignore the statement, hoping he drops it. But it's Seth, and he knows me and knows there's only one person in this universe I care about.

"I want to get to know them," he says, flopping back onto his back. "Don't ruin that for me."

I clench my teeth together, my emotions starting to numb, my attitude turning dark. "Whatever you want. Just don't let her touch you."

I regret the words as soon as they're out of my mouth because Seth's whole body stiffens like I've struck him. I don't need to tell him which her I'm talking about. We both know it's the golden one.

He thinks she's pretty. I could see it in how he acted when we were all in the same room. It's why I hated her so easily. Seth and I have shared women before, but I chose them and told Seth what to do. This wasn't like that. He chose her when I was right there. He wanted her when I was right fucking there, and it made me hate her. My hands fist on the bed, but I don't take the words back.

"You're a fucking asshole," Seth says, pushing himself off the bed and leaving the room.

I should tell him I'm sorry, that I'm jealous, that I don't want to lose him because he's the only person who makes me feel like I'm worth anything. I don't say anything, not even in our sharedmind. Yeah, I'm a fucking asshole. But I'm an asshole who will keep him alive.

three

Seth

Idon't know where I'm going. I just know that I can't be near Adam when he gets all post-orgasm asshole on me. I swear he does it just to prove he's so hard, so badass. Who needs feelings? Not him because feelings are for pussies. Or some bullshit like that.

Stupid idiots, both of us. Him for being so awful and me for putting up with it. He loves me, though, more than anything else, so much that it scares him. I can feel it in our tether.

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