Page 9 of Essa

I stare at the clean whiteboard and think about what list to start now. 'Reasons Why Adam Hates Me.' No, that's too depressing to think about right now. 'Finding a Pleasure Crew.' No, I shouldn't add another person to the crew, even though finding release with a partner might help to soften how unfair this all currently feels.

Oh, I know the perfect thing to start planning. I write the name of my plan in big block letters across the top of the board and am just about to start outlining the essential things to get figured out when I hear movement outside my door. I flip the whiteboard around quickly and press it close to the wall.

"Essa." Sloane's voice is soft on the other side of my door.

She could come in if she wants. She has access to almost all of the ship's rooms. The only one she doesn't have is Holoth's room, but that can be fixed since he's no longer here to use it. Even Helna is now gone. She ran off to sneak onto a Sombran's ship, and we're all still waiting for Phial to tell Holoth that he lost his sister after inviting her to explore the cosmos with us.

Sloane knocks on my door, and I frown, my tail squeezing my ankle harder. I'm embarrassed. Not just from being dismissed but because I thought about things I shouldn't.

When I want things, they're taken away from me. I should've been happy with my new friends and crew. I don't need anything more. Thinking about more only leads to sadness. I know this, yet sometimes, I struggle with feeling like this is enough.

"I'm coming in," Sloane calls out, but the door doesn't open. Instead, I hear another door in the hallway open and Sloane's muffled voice. "Can I help you?"

A male, probably the dark-haired one, Adam, says something to Sloane that I can't make out.

"No, my room is down the hall. The two big purple guys are my mates," Sloane answers. Her voice is calm, so he isn't asking her anything that should worry me.

I'm kind of upset that she's so calm, though. It's not that I want Sloane to be upset, but when the male talked to me, his words were filled with anger, and his eyes were filled with hatred. I didn't get soft, murmured words without hostility.

I'm not jealous of my friend because there's no way she's interested in the clone. She loves Alik and Jovi more than anything ever. But I am jealous that I don't get the same kindness or, at least, the same nonaggressiveness.

Adam says something else, just as muffled by the door and the deep rumbling of his voice. Stupid smooth rumble, and the way it makes my skin tingle and my fangs thrum.

I lick at the tip of my fang and pull the venom from it, swallowing the sweet taste of it down. It won't do anything to me, but it could hurt the others if they somehow ingest it. I don't like dripping venom and can usually keep it under control. If my fangs are going to be an issue, I'll need to drain them early, and I dislike draining them.

"No, Essa's in here," Sloane says. There's a brief pause where no one speaks. I can imagine Adam's eyes hardening, his lips pulling back in a scowl. "What's Seth's issue with her?"

The question catches me as off guard as it must catch Adam because there's only more silence. Seth doesn't have an issue with me. Or at least I don't think he does. He told Alik it was better if I wasn't around him, but I thought it was because of how much Adam dislikes me. Maybe Seth said something else while Sloane was nearby to make her think he hates me as much as Adam does.

That would be my luck. I frown harder at my hands as I decide if I'm going to go out in the hallway or not. I kind of enjoy eavesdropping, but I also don't like Sloane getting close toAdam. If he hates me, what if he gets her to hate me, too? She's my best friend. I don't know what I'd do if she didn't want to be my friend.

I don't want to hear them talking anymore or give him more chance to turn her against me. So, I scramble over to the door, my tail tight around my ankle, and open my bedroom door.

My heart sinks when I see Sloane standing closer to the pleasure crew room, Adam leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed over his chest, his gaze hard but not filled with fire and anger like when he looks at me. When my door opens, they both turn their attention to me, and I try to plaster a full smile on my lips, even if it feels fake, even if I feel fake.

"What are you two discussing?" I ask, my voice sounding much more at ease than I feel. I'm practiced at sounding happy even when I'm not. It doesn't do well to worry my friends when I'm sad over my lack of love and family.

I try to keep my eyes on Sloane because she's smiling. She's still my friend, she doesn't hate me. Of course, I only manage to keep her eyes for a moment before my own stray to the human clone.

I worry my lip with my fangs. They've elongated even more. I'm sure it looks like I want to attack him, but it's an involuntary reaction to finding someone attractive or a threat. I find Adam to be both. I want to press my teeth to his throat and fill his body with my venom so no other Haventh can sway him.

Venom drips from the tip of my fangs, and I lick at it, dragging the clear, viscous liquid from the tip back into my mouth and swallowing it down. Adam's eyes watch the movement, narrowing slightly, nostrils flaring—pupils dilating?

I want to march over to him, take his chin in my fingers, and tilt his face to meet mine so I can view those pupils up close. It must be a trick of the lighting, or maybe because his eyes are already so dark, it looks like they're dilated in lust. The sameway Sloane's and Avery's do when they look at their males. It's a human tell, one for other species, but very much evident in humans. I just don't understand why Adam's looking like that now.

"We were discussing Adam's bad attitude, weren't we?" Sloane gives him a bright smile and nudges his shoulder.

His lips pull up more, but his eyes don't leave mine. Of course, he wouldn't miss a moment to stare me down.

"Should I let you get back to that or…?" I let the question fade, hoping Sloane tells me she'd rather hang out with me than talk with the snarly human male.

But maybe she wants to be friends with him. Maybe he's kind when I'm not around. He didn't sound like he was snapping and snarling at her before I came out.

"I'm leaving," Adam says, his lips pressing tight as his nostrils flare. "Seth is in the kitchen?"

"That's where I saw him last," Sloane says.

Adam doesn't say anything else. He just pushes past her and heads down the hall. His shoulders are tight, his fists clenched at his sides. I'm sure his back muscles are flexed, and I don't stop myself from letting my eyes fall on his shapely backside. The male obviously takes care of his body, I might dislike him for being such an ass to me, but I can still admire his attractiveness.

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