Page 76 of Bronco

“But I’m not him, and you’d never make me mad. You only make me worry when you don’t tell me shit, and then hide tattoos for years when you should have been healin’.” I feel my throat thickening. How much has this precious angel suffered?

What kind of asshole brands a woman with a fuckin’ cult tattoo? I swear to fuckin’ God if we cross paths, he’s not only adead man, but I’ll resuscitate him only to kill him all over again until I’m satisfied he’s really learned his fuckin’ lesson. Then the alligators can finish off his pathetic excuse for a body.

“I have healed,” she protests. “Being with the MC, they’ve welcomed me with open arms. And I have you and Lace, Audrina, all the girls. I’ve never had a family like that before. I know I’ve not done everything right, and I feel like I’ve kept things from you, but where I come from, we don’t just blurt out our feelings willy-nilly. We were taught to keep those things inside.”

“It’s not willy-nilly.” I pull back and wipe away her tears. “It’s me. I’m your best friend, and I’ll always be here no matter what, even if it’s just to listen. There’s nothin’ you can say that will make me think any less of you, or what you’ve been through. None of this is your fault. You were a child. You trusted your brother and he let you down.”

She nods, her eyes red and puffy. I can’t deal with it, but I know I have to. I have to be her rock because she’s got no other male figures in her life to take on this role, and I’ll do it gladly. “I know, trust me, it’s taken years of therapy to realize that, and I still have trust issues.”

I stroke her cheeks with my thumbs. “And you can cry all you want, whenever you want. Sometimes I do that, too?—”

“You do not!”

“Hell yeah, I do. Usually it’s a TV commercial, especially if it has a puppy or a kitten in it, a sappy book, even a birthday card?—”

She whacks me on the arm playfully. “Stop it!”

I’m trying to make her laugh; I hate seeing her like this. “What? It’s true. You know I was a mess when I saw that movie about the dog who reincarnates.”

“Everyone cries over dog movies, that doesn’t count.”

“I think I should tuck you back into bed.” A tug of fear hits me in the guts that she’ll regret what we did tonight. That she won’t see me in the same light, and she’ll push me away. She never lets too many people close. It’s a habit of hers and now I know why. The same way she hasn’t ever committed to anyone else. Sure, she’s had dates, but I think she went on those out of obligation to the girls who set them up, or just out of curiosity.

“I think that’s a great idea.”

I take care in drying her off, helping her back to the bedroom as she sits on the bed and I pull on her pajamas. There’s nothing sexual about any of it, but it feels intimate.

When we’re settled back under the comforter, she lays in my arms. “You need anythin’?” I ask.

“No, Bronc, everything’s perfect. Thank you.”

She lies back, her eyes closing as silence falls between us. It only takes a few minutes, and the lull of her soft breathing tells me she’s asleep.

I lay for a while, staring at the ceiling, wondering how the fuck we came to this. Notus,but this whole situation as well as the fucking tattoo she’s been hiding. I didn’t want to upset her, but I’m hurt she didn’t tell me. Hell, she knows all of my secrets, and yet tonight I’ve only just found out two of hers. Pretty major ones. What other things is she hiding? Why did she not feel comfortable enough to share them with me?

I get that she doesn’t have to tell me everything, but this is pretty big. Fucking major, when you think about it. Still, she’s suffered enough trauma reliving it for one night, and after all the sex we’ve had, she’s exhausted. I close my eyes, willing sleep to come so I don’t have to keep picturing all the ways I’m going to hunt down this Vince guy and kill him for touching the woman who has sealed a special place in my heart from the moment I met her.

I don’t know how I thought this was a good idea; friends with benefits? What in the actual fuck was I thinking? Clearly, I wasn’t thinking through the right head. Just the head between my legs. The sex tonight was phenomenal, I’m not gonna deny it, but it’s more than that.

It’s the way Amber tugs at my heart, searing her way into the one place I always keep guarded. I like her more than a friend, but I know how she feels about relationships. And after what she told me tonight, she’ll probably run a mile.

I start to worry I was too rough with her. I’d never hurt her intentionally, but I couldn’t help myself. She’s so damn beautiful, consuming her moans and groans could be my new favorite pastime.

Then I remember the other parts. The evidence that her past isn’t out of her system.

I hated seeing her like that; so upset and vulnerable. Having to relive the ordeal, and having that fucking reminder on her skin every single day. I’m starting to think I’m not a very good friend, but this isn’t about me. I get why she kept things to herself; I understand she’s traumatized, but I thought we had trust between us. I thought she told me everything. Heck, I haven’t held back.

She didn’t trust me enough to tell me any of this shit, only the parts that she thought wouldn’t make me mad. Why is that? Why would she care if I hunted this fucker down and cut his nuts off? It’s what he deserved.

Still, as I glance at her sleeping, she looks so peaceful. I hope I put her mind at ease a little. The simple fact is, I want to tattoo her. Ever since she dropped her pants that time at my shop, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Even with liquid courage, she was never going to let me do it. But this time it’s different.

The need in me to cover that thing up and make it the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen, runs deep. Then she won’t have to cover up anymore. She won’t ever have to see it and be reminded of that place, or what he did. If she really wants laser, I’ll organize it. I just want her to be happy.

Amber stirs, and when I glance down, she snuggles farther into my shoulder. This is how I want her; wrapped up beside me where I know she’s safe. Where the demons can’t find her.

I made a vow a long time ago, back when my dead-beat dad left, and I’m making that same promise to Amber that I did to my mom: I will serve and protect. She deserves a man who can give her everything she wants selflessly, and the more I think about it, the more uneasy I become. I want it to be me, and all of this is only just hitting me now.

I know I’m out of her league. I know that we shouldn’t be doing this because I’m sure as fuck that sex complicates things. I wasn’t lying about any of that. But we’ve crossed a line. A line I’m not sure I ever want to come back from.

---