Page 41 of Bronco

That’s the least I can give her in all this mess.

I crouch down, Olive holding the bag of gifts we picked out and me balancing the Tupperware of treats we made this morning on my knee. It’s the first time in weeks she’s been excited about something, other than hanging out with Cami. If I can give her that, and it takes her mind off things, then it’s a job well done in my book. I love my niece, but I’ve no clue what to do with a child. I keep texting Erica’s number, knowing the messages don’t go anywhere, but the idea that she could get them makes me feel better. I worry about her day and night.

She’d never leave her kid,never.And Olive knows nothing more than I know; her mom had to go away for a little while, but she’d be back soon. The hand-written note Olive handed me said as much, but left no clues to where she was actually going. Now I have to lie to my niece and tell her that her mom had some business to take care of, and she’ll be back for her soon, not knowing if that was actually true. I’m mad at her, truth be told. More than mad. Livid.

I know with a hundred percent certainty that she would never go back to the compound. It’s the last thing she’d ever do.

Erica knows she can talk to me. I’m the one person she can lean on; a sister. I’ve always got her back, and she has mine. So why this secrecy? I’m hurt by her actions.

I squash my feelings down, knowing I’ve got to put up a happy front for my niece and not ruin the party by crying.

“Feeling okay, honey?” I ask as Olive looks down at me. Her pretty pale blue dress matches the color of her eyes. “You’re a little quiet.”

“I hope they like their presents,” she admits, chewing on her lip. It’s a habit she gets from me, funnily enough. “I mean, the babies won’t know, obviously, but the older kids might not like them.”

I cup one side of her cheek. “They’re gonna love them, do you know why?”

She shakes her head, trepidation written all over her face with a frown and her eyes glazing over making her look sad. I don’t want her to cry. It’s a party, I’d love for her to enjoy the moment and just be a kid again instead of worrying all the time.

“Because you picked them out.”

Her face softens and she envelopes me with a hug. “Thanks, Aunty A. I really needed to hear that.”

I smile to myself. She’s very properly spoken, which comes with years of living in an environment like we did where no-one speaks out of turn. I think when she gets a bit older, I’ll help her out with some cussing. Lord knows it’s helped me in the past.

“Atta girl. You’re gonna be fine, plus you already know Ella and Cami, and they can’t wait to see you.”

She perks up at the sound of her friend’s names. “Okay!”

I stand, tucking the Tupperware under my arm. “Ready?”

“Yep!”

This kid. She’s been through so much in her short little life, and I hate that she has no answers. The more I think about Erica and her note, I want to scream with rage.

Dear Amber,

You know I wouldn’t do this if there was any other way. Please understand how much I love you and my daughter, and to abandon her like this, although temporarily, kills me.

I don’t have a choice. I wish I did, but things in my life are more complicated than you can imagine. Know that I’m okay and I’ll be back. I get you’ll be mad at me for trying to fix this myself, but I have to. This is one mess I need to sort out on my own.

I’ve told Olive I have to go away for a few weeks for work, and that we’ll be moving to New Orleans permanently, so she won’t be any the wiser. She’ll be okay if she’s with you.

Please try not to be mad at me.

I love you. I’ll be back soon.

Don’t look for me, I beg you, it’ll only make things worse.

Your sister, Erica

I try not to get mad when I think about that letter. Heaven knows I’ve read it over and over so many times, the paper is wearing thin.

How could she do this to me? To Olive? To herself?

We tell each other everything, and now she does this vanishing act that, quite frankly, is scaring the shit out of me. The more I think about it, the more I need to talk to Star. It’sbeen more than a few weeks, and every night I’m awake trying to think of something,anything,to calm this situation and make sense of it. That’s a little hard when I’ve nothing to go on. Olive arrived with two suitcases of her stuff and some cash. I’m a little insulted that Erica would give me money; as if I wouldn’t look after my own niece, but that’s just how she is. So, yeah, I’m fucking mad at her, and I have every right to be.

I glance up as we head through the side gate at the back of the clubhouse. The garden that leads to Cash and Deanna’s house is nothing short of magical. I helped Crystal, Deanna, Jas and the other women set up the fairy lights, as well as the tables and chairs. It really does look like something out of a story book.

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