Page 82 of Pen Me

“Don’t you dare move,” she pleaded.

I stroked her hair and kissed her crown just as my brother did a police-style knock on the basement door. She came up hard, catching me solid on the nose.

I groaned and clutched it, blood dripping while she hissed and followed me up the stairs, hovering with concern every step of the way.

“I’m sorry. Shit, I’m sorry babe,” she cried as I flung the door open.

Henny’s eyes widened and he stepped back when he saw my bloody, gushing state. I heard him flirting over there with my woman while I hunted for a towel.

“I knew your daddy said you had a hook girl, but shit… If I'd known you enforced like that, we might have considered hiring you for Friday nights.”

“I didn’t do that. I mean– I did, I didn’t mean to. Babe.” She came rushing after me and tried to look at it while I was busy tipping my head back and holding it to stop the drip.

“Nah- Huh-uh- Nah,” I mumbled at her.

She ducked her head back and stared at me, “If we’re gonna have secret codes, I’m gonna need you to spell them out before we put them to use, okay?”

I pointed toward the kitchen, despite my smile, and she went off and found us some breakfast. Henny munched on some bacon while we brought him up to speed on everything.

“Where is the girl now?”

“School.” He managed between bites.

“You made her go to school– When her mom was unresponsive?”

He raised one shoulder, “She wanted to go, she was texting with her friends all night. I think she just wanted something normal, instead of the hospital room and sitting out here waiting on news.”

“That makes sense,” I agreed. “We didn’t have a phone, or we’d have let you know what was going on.”

Henny nodded, but I wasn’t so sure he believed me.

“I’m gonna go gather up the laundry,” Sam announced.

Henny’s gaze followed her to the basement steps.

“Hen–”

“Don’t.” That one word came so quietly.

I licked my lips and shook my head, “I’m not going back.”

He sucked in a breath and looked away with a strained, raspy groan.

“If I go in, the Double Nickel gang or the guards will kill me. They’ll be slow about it, too. Why do all that when I can be done with it before I make it inside? My last breath can be a free one.”

“That’s a whole lot about you, little brother. What about the rest of us? What about– I don’t know—Sammy who will have to live with knowing she couldn’t talk you out of it? Suppose she goes on to feel like her love wasn’t strong enough to make you want to stick it out, or fuckin’ spend her life nitpicking every decision to see how she could have been more or did more or— or Rumi who may be here when it happens, for all you know? She’ll have to have that memory of the yard, “ Henny’s face was getting red and his hands more animated, he scarcely stopped for air as he continued on, “or God-fucking-forbid inside the cabin here– Hell, I ain’t anymore fond of the police or feds than you are, but don’t you have some fucking sympathy for the poor bastard who will be left thinking they reacted too hastily, or might carry someguilt or grief about having been the one to pull the trigger. Dude, Menace– You’re a selfish fucking bastard.”

His jaw was tense and his words sharp enough to cut by the time he finished. They did cut, if I was being honest. Tears stung my eyes. I wanted him to know the truth. I’d dove into this pile of shit to avenge him.

I started this in his honor. I never meant for it to go this way. His fingers curled like he was grappling for restraint.

I let the silence double and thicken between us, allowing him time to relax his jaw and hands, before I attempted again.

“You’re my big brother, and I’ve always–” I smiled, I always sucked with expressing emotions, that's what I always did. “I always felt like because I was bigger in size that it was my job to protect you. From other kids, when we were small. Then it was Mom’s boyfriends– When that motherfucker carved your eyeball out of your head while you were still recovering in a hospital bed–”

My eyes widened, my mouth opened, but the words lodged in my throat.

“Henny, I don’t know how to let a thing like that go… The thought of losing you, so fucking savagely. The more I pictured it, the way they did you, the pain you must have felt. I had to make ‘em pay. When she called and said that he was sitting in that seat, in my seat… I had to act.”

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