Page 11 of Blocking Her Love

Sean

Despite the oldwoman’s assurances, I’m not feeling particularly lucky right now. When I tried to hold Ellie’s hand as we left the pier, she moved a step further away and tucked her hand in her pocket. That says a lot. As does how she won’t look at me, or anything else as we walk. Once back at the rental, she disappears into the bedroom she shares with Maya. She didn’t even say anything to my sister when she passed.

Setting her laptop aside, Maya glances at the closed bedroom door, then at me. “What did you do?”

Defensive, I cross my arms. “Why do you think I did something?”

“Because she’s the one hiding and you’re standing here looking guilty. And don’t give me your innocent face, big bro. I’ve known you too long for you to fool me. So, what did you do?”

Maybe if I talk this out with Maya I’ll gain some insight into how to deal with this situation. They’ve been partners so long, she knows Ellie better than anyone. Unless Ellie keeps her emotions under wraps with Maya, too.

I’m not sure what to do. Talking feelings isn’t high on my list of favorite things to do. That could be part of the problem. Once I realized I had feelings for Ellie and have felt this way for longer than I want to admit, I locked down my emotions. I don’t want to put pressure on her, on the team, or jinx their chances for an Olympics berth. Love is a distraction we can’t afford.

Love. Ah hell. Is that what I’m feeling? I’ve always liked Ellie. A lot. When did it turn to love? Or have I always been in love with her and only now understand and accept my emotions. Shit.

“I don’t care how long you’re silent, Sean. You’re not getting away with leaving my question unanswered.” Even though Maya’s tone is firm and leaves no opportunity for an argument, when I glance at her, she’s smiling. One of those damned cheshire cat, all knowing grins.

“I kissed her.”

Maya fist pumps the air. “Finally.”

I narrow my gaze. “What do you mean by finally?”

“Oh, come on, Sean. You two have been mooning?—”

“Mooning?”

“Yeah, you know. You’re preoccupied with her. You’re always looking at her, sometimes with this dopey expression. Bet you can’t go more than ten minutes without thinking about her. She’s no better, watching you all the time. Heck, I think at least once she’s even sighed. And Ellie’s not a sigher.”

Maya’s observations lighten the heavy burden in my chest. Maybe there is a chance for Ellie and me. Maybe I haven’t ruined everything.

“As for your kiss… spill.”

“So you can ask her and compare notes?” I don’t like that idea.

“Mmm, probably. Isn’t that what sisters and best friends are for? In slightly different capacities of course. One thing’s forsure, big bro. The two of you are perfect for each other. I’ve thought so since college. I just didn’t think you’d take this long to figure it out. You are both so damn stubborn.”

“So… we have your blessing?”

She chuckles. “Like that matters in the grand scheme of things. But yes, seeing the two of you together and happy? I want that for you. And I’ll do whatever I can to help your relationship along.”

I huff out a breath. “Relationship? I don’t know if we have one after tonight.”

“Why? Was the kiss horrible? Did she gag or run away screaming? Didyougag or run away screaming?”

Laughter bursts from me and I feel lighter. The dark cloud of my situation doesn’t seem so bleak. “No, no, and no. the kiss was good.”

“Good? That’s all? Just good?”

The back of my neck gets warm and the heat moves to my ears, spilling onto my cheeks.

Maya’s brows arch and her smile brightens. “That good, huh?” Reaching for my hand, she grows serious. “I’ve noticed that love doesn’t always choose the best moments to appear. With planning for the season, focusing on improving our ranking and the next Olympics, there’s not much time or energy left for anything else.

“You’ve got to go slow, Sean. Just like with training, start slow and carefully build on your love. You know how focused Ellie is. Somehow you’ve got to find a way to show her she can focus on volleyball and you at the same time. The split doesn’t have to be fifty-fifty. Some days the sand will demand one hundred percent. Other days, you can be her entire world. I believe if you are patient—if both of you are patient—you’ll find balance. And don’t you always lecture us about balance?”

Silently processing Maya’s comments, I nod. She’s right about balancing sport and life. My thoughts have been centered on an all or nothing situation. Ellie could have either volleyball or me. “I’m an idiot.”

“I won’t argue with that.”

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