Page 4 of Take All of Me

“I swear I don’t know what that was. I just need a shower. I’ll catch you at practice okay?”

He narrows his eyes, raking them over me as if he’s going to pick up the problem I’m so desperately trying to hide. “Maybe we need to see that doctor this weekend.” I brush it off with “It’s fine” but he snaps “I wasn’t asking.”

Desperate to end the conversation, I slip into the bathroom and shut the door. Holt will bring it up again tomorrow, but for now I just need not to think about it.

I’m pretty sure I know what’s happening. It’s been a slow change creeping up for weeks now—including the reason why I just fucking whimpered in front of my Alpha. It had nothing to do with being scared of him and everything to do with the fact that I wanted to fix whatever made him growl.

Some part of me wanted to immediately submit to him, to give in, to drag Maya in here and hand her over if that would soothe that sound.

And there’s only one designation that would do that.

And it’s not a Beta.

Maya

I jolt awake, heart slamming against my ribs, body buzzing like it’s ready to bolt. This isn’t the first time I’ve woken up, confused, drenched in sweat, and just a little strung out but it’s the first time in almost six months that the nightmare of Nox pinning me down claws at the edge of my mind. Ragged gasps peel from my lips as I rip the blanket off my legs, the sudden cool air sending a shiver down my spine. The darkness spreading through my bedroom doesn’t help and I reach over to flick on the lamp I set up beside my bed.

I’m not sure why the night light didn’t kick in but that’s not the reason I woke up. A hard knock pounds on the dorm door and I flinch, realizing that’s what yanked me out of sleep. My legs swing off the bed, bare feet hitting the cold floor as I fumble for my sweatshirt. I tug it over my head, curls snagging in thecollar, and stumble toward the door still groggy. I fling it open expecting… I don’t know what. Not this.

A girl stands there, maybe twenty-something, high ponytail bouncing as she shifts her weight. “Jesus, I didn’t actually think anyone moved in there.” She peeks her head in, her nose scrunched up as if she’s disappointed by the lack of stuff I brought with me. “But you can’t miss the mid-semester party at Zeta Cinder Mu.Seriously.” Her high-pitched voice cuts through the fog in my head.

“What?” It’s too early for this or maybe late. I’m not sure because I didn’t check my phone before I opened the door.

Laughter bubbles up behind her from a gaggle of girls in the hall. Another one steps forward, someone more mild-mannered and a little more my speed. “We’ll have some drinks, hang with the players, lowkey stuff.”

I rub my eyes, the weight of the nightmare still clinging. “I’m good thanks,” I mumble, ready to shut the door.

Ponytail girl tilts her head, insisting for some reason. “Just at least grab some food. It’s catered and I guarantee it’s better than anything in the cafeteria. ‘Sides, the cafeteria closes in fifteen minutes so unless you run, you’re not likely to get anything more than the bottom of the pans.”

I snort because yeah she’s not wrong. The cafeteria’s a war zone of soggy fries and mystery meat. “Yeah, okay, I do need to eat,” I admit, leaning against the frame. “Do they at least have some shitty tequila?”

She laughs, shaking her head. “Nah, some of that high-end stuff. Zeta Cinder Mu is all rich guys who want everyone to like them. Definitely peaked in high school.” Her tone drips with mockery but there’s a practicality to it I like. “Just stay at the edges, grab a plate, and leave. It’s what I do.”

I raise an eyebrow and clarify, “And this is the mid-semester party?”

“Yeah but they find a reason to party every weekend. I go for the food, a smoke if I can find someone with the good stuff, maybe a fuck or two, then come back to the dorms to study. Easy living.”

I snort again, a real laugh this time, because damn that takes me back. Four years ago, life was that easy—grad degree on the horizon, hockey pulsing through my veins, Dakota’s spicy lavender scent tangled up in my sheets. I remember a few wild nights when he’d invite a friend along, all of us laughing and touching and falling into each other like it was nothing. Simple. Uncomplicated. I cherish those days now, back when Nox wasn’t a shadow choking out the light. “Yeah I’ll head over,” I concede, pushing off the doorframe. “I’m guessing it’s the big one at the edge of the quad?”

She nods, grinning again. “Yeah, that’s the one. Make sure to grab some of the lasagna if it’s there. Bomb-ass stuff really.” The other girls giggle and start drifting down the hall but she lingers a second, tossing me a knowing look before following them.

“First party of my new life. I got this,” I mutter to myself like an idiot as I trudge through the courtyard to Zeta Cinder Mu. My mind is frayed, my entire body on alert but a sense of normalcy is what I need. Getting a little drunk, maybe finding Dakota to hook up with, and then doing the walk of shame sounds like a damn good idea. It also sounds like an awful plan as I’m just going to break my heart and possibly his when I tell him that it can’t mean anything.

Ignoring my own advice, I straighten my shoulders, telling myself that my nightmares don’t get to ruin this evening. I even slipped on a thin turtleneck dress—dark burgundy, full sleeves, covering everything from my neck to my wrists. It’s snug enoughto hug me right and I swiped some matching color lipstick across my lips trying to feel a little pretty for once. I even pulled my hair back in a bun, hoping that I’d feel more like myself than I have in ages.

It's working.

Kind of.

The moment I step into the house, I make a beeline for the makeshift bar at the back. I know the girls said something about food but I’m more interested in not thinking for the next several hours which means tequila. And a lot of it. The protein bar from earlier will have to hold me for a little while. Two hands plant on either side of me gripping the edge, caging me in. Fear spikes in my chest until that lavender scent hits my nose, Dakota grinning down at me when I twist to look at him.

I swallow nervously, not entirely sure what he wants from me despite the heat lingering in his gaze. “Kota…”

“I’m not asking for anything permanent,” he cuts me off, leaning a little closer so that his chest rubs up against my back. “Stepping back into what we used to have will take time, if it even happens again. But maybe tonight, we just have a little fun? Monday, we can start over for real. I’ll even introduce myself like a gentleman.”

I turn back to face the bar, refusing to let him see the heat on my cheeks. Feeling him up against me is giving me thoughts I shouldn’t entertain but with every passing second, his scent boldens and steals my rational thoughts away. “That’s not how any of this works, Kota. I can’t just forget everything that’s happened.” The last word comes out on a wobble, a whine at the edge of my tongue.

He smirks, signaling one of the guys behind the bar to pour a shot for me. “Loosen up a little, Aya. Leave the world outside for a few hours and just have fun with me. Just tonight. Scouts honor or whatever.”

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