“No.”
“Maybe you should let them help you. Give you moral support. If they knew—”
“I don’t want support. I don’t want anyone watching and waiting for me to fail.”
He felt Zoë’s arm slip through his, her fingers curving around his forearm.
“You won’t fail,” she said.
***
The day of Mark and Maggie’s wedding, held on a retired ferry on Seattle’s Lake Union, was sunny and clear. But even if it had rained, the bride and groom would have been too much in love to notice. After champagne was served and Sam made a toast, the guests filled their plates at the elaborate buffet. Alex retreated to the stern of the ferry and occupied one of the chairs by the railing. He’d never liked to make small talk, and he especially didn’t want to keep company with people who were holding champagne or cocktails. It was strange to face this situation without having alcohol as a crutch. It felt almost as if he were trying to impersonate himself. He would have to get used to it.
He noticed Sam dancing with Lucy Marinn, who still wore a leg brace from her biking injury. They swayed together, flirting and kissing. Sam looked at Lucy in a way he’d never looked at anyone before, evincing the invisible alchemy that sometimes happened to people who were busy making other plans. They had become a couple. Alex was fairly certain that Sam wasn’t even aware that it had happened. The dumbass still thought he was a single guy having a carefree relationship.
Alex lurked in the corner, drinking iced Cokes in highball glasses. The ghost lounged beside him, silent and brooding.
“What are you thinking about?” Alex eventually asked beneath his breath.
“I keep wondering if Emma loved her husband,” the ghost said.
“Do you want her to have loved him?”
The ghost struggled to answer. “Yes,” he eventually said. “But I want her to have loved me more.”
Alex smiled, swirling the ice in his drink.
The ghost stared pensively at the sunstruck water. “I did something wrong,” he said. “I hurt Emma. I’m sure of it.”
“You mean before you died?”
The ghost nodded.
“You probably pissed her off by enlisting,” Alex said.
“I think it was worse than that. I need to remember before something happens.”
Alex gave him a skeptical glance. “What do you think’s going to happen?”
“I don’t know. I have to spend as much time as possible with Emma. I remember more when I’m with her. The other day—” The ghost stopped. “Time to shut up. Maggie’s coming this way.”
Mark’s red-haired wife—now Alex’s sister-in-law—approached him. She was holding a white porcelain coffee cup. “Hi, Alex.” She was radiant with happiness, her brown eyes glowing. “Are you having a good time?”
“Yeah. Nice wedding.” He began to stand up from his chair.
“Don’t get up,” Maggie urged, motioning for him to remain in the chair. “I just wanted to check on you. There are a few women who are dying to meet you, by the way. Including one of my sisters. If I bring her over, would you—”
“No,” he said quickly. “Thanks, Maggie, but I’m not in the mood for small talk.”
“Can I get you something?”
He shook his head. “Go dance with your husband.”
“Husband. I like the sound of that word.” Maggie smiled and gave him the cup she was holding. It was filled with steaming black coffee. “Here. I thought you might like this.”
“Thanks, but I’m—” Alex broke off as he saw her discreetly retrieve his half-finished glass of Coke and ice from the little table next to his chair.
“She thinks you’re plastered,” the ghost said helpfully. “You’ve had about four drinks and now you’re sitting here in the corner talking to yourself.”