Page 81 of Shielding Instinct

Hawkeye, now he was interesting. He talked about his sister Cora like his relationship with her gave him a solid platform of understanding. And that he mentioned Cora’s neurodivergence and not his own meant that he’d been through an assessment and deemed neurotypical.

Could a relationship work between them?

PetralikedHawkeye more than she ever remembered liking someone. Liked who he was, how he acted, what he thought, and how he expressed himself. She liked the way he smiled, and how he interacted with his team and his dog. Liked how her body relaxed when he touched her. How he was a lightning rod, grounding all of the sizzle and spark that ran through her body when he held her hand.

She felt more aligned with and more “right” with him than she’d ever felt.

It seemed to Petra that they might be wrapping a warp of understanding, shared experiences, and stories told, on which they could weave themselves a solid relationship.

“Here we are,” Hawkeye said, coming to a stop.

He had been silent the entire way up. “Your mind is obviously whirring.” Cooper came to a sit by his side while Hawkeye tapped the keycard on the locking mechanism. “Would you be willing to share that thought?” he asked.

“Darwin said it was survival of the fittest. And most people would look at someone like you and think that your kind of genes are the ones worth handing down. I was wondering if you have children.”

“No.” He pressed the door wide and gestured that she should go in first. “You?”

“No.”

“Most people would look at someone like me…” he repeated, letting the last part drift off. It was an interrogation technique meant to elicit a broader understanding of a concept. Or maybe, it was confusion that she would say something like that. Which would be fair.

“I’m playing that sentence over and over in my head,” she said. “It was quite rude, and then I coupled that with ‘Did you procreate?’ and it sounds terrible.” Petra wanted to scamper away but made herself stand her ground. No masks. He wanted her thoughts. There they were. “My shower or yours?”

“Your preference. I didn’t hear it that way. I heard that you had an alternative understanding of Darwin’s phrase.”

“I think maybe I do.” Okay, that was a surprising response from him. “Who do you think is fittest?” Petra waited while Hawkeye gathered a towel and a pair of sleep pants.

“Cooper load,” he pointed toward his bed and snapped his fingers. “I’ve never sat down and considered it. I guess I fall into the category of ‘most people.’ I’m going to pause and ask if you’re nervous right now.”

She blinked at him. Overwrought might be a better word. “It was an emotional day.”

He reached for her hands and held them between both of his, bringing them up to rest on his chest. “But brainy stuff helps?”

“It does. It forces me away from my lizard brain and fight or flight.”

“I’m going to take you back to Darwin in a second because I’m really curious. But first, I wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. On the beach today, you had everything in hand. You dealt with trying circumstances masterfully.”

“Survival of the calmest. I like it when I can offer something. If I have nothing, I get anxious. A panic attack adds fuel to the fire. It’s contagious, especially on a plane.”

“Yes, we were just talking about the plane on the drive over here,” Hawkeye let go of her hand as she turned and went to her room, and he followed behind her. “Why, especially on a plane?”

“Okay, you got me, I shouldn’t have phrased it that way.” She opened the bathroom door and leaned over the tub to turn on the water, letting it heat. “Anxiety contagion was studied in airports, and they found that a single person at a gate showing signs of anxiety increased the anxiety of everyone in the area, which stands to reason.”

“My sister does that, too.” He was grinning.

“What’s that? Have anxiety attacks?” Petra threw a towel over the bar within arm’s reach of the tub.

“Yes, to the anxiety attacks, and they can be difficult. Also, leap from thought to thought like rocks in a raging stream. But, just now, I was referring to the end phrase. You said, ‘which stands to reason.’ You made some connection, made some mental leap there, but if you don’t take me along for the ride, I have no idea why it would stand to reason.”

“I’m just going to undress and get in, and then you can follow,” Petra said, and she couldn’t imagine a less sexy introduction to their being naked together.

But honestly, she didn’t have it in her to do anything more than peel off these clothes and maybe lift her foot over the side.

To be even more honest, nothing about this felt nervous. Petra could make it a thing, but that would be the stuff of novels and rated-R movies. Petra wanted the sting of hot water and the solace of Hawkeye’s hands on her. The fewer steps getting there the better.

“Yeah, sure,” Hawkeye said, shifting from foot to foot, then he turned his back to give her a moment of privacy.

Since they were about to be naked in the shower together, she wasn’t sure she understood the move, but it had a charming, gentlemanly feel to it. And since she was wincing and gyrating to get out of her clothes, the gesture was much appreciated.

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