Page 82 of Shielding Instinct

“Which stands to reason,” she said, tugging at the string of her bikini top. “Think about a zebra on the periphery of a herd that perceives a possible threat. That zebra stills and focuses on assessing. The rest of the herd responds in kind. Danger for one could mean danger for all.”

“Got it,” Hawkeye said. “Sort of like yawning might have started as a signal that it was time for a tribe to go to bed.”

“Yes. If someone yawns, it tells the tribe that things feel safe and sleepy. That they aren’t on hyper-awareness. They can pass the feeling of safety around.” Petra slid behind the curtain and was once again grateful for a moment of privacy as the pain of the first water on her abrasions made her face deform in agony.

She could hear Hawkeye getting undressed. Then he stepped behind the curtain to stand with her.

“Darwin?” he asked, bottles of shampoo and conditioner in his hands.

Darwin indeed. Ho-o-o-o-lyyyy shit.

She licked her lips and forced her gaze to meet his. “Survival of the fittest means that if you have the right traits, you have a better shot at living,” she stammered. At least in the shower, he wouldn’t see her drooling. Small favors.

He pressed her shoulder until she turned away from him. “You keep going with that thought. I’m going to start with your hair, and then I’m going to clean the blood out of your cuts. You’re in worse shape than I thought. I’d hoped that once the dried blood was off, you’d have a few small cuts. I’m so sorry.”He kissed her shoulder. “I’m so grateful you put yourself through that and saved Terry’s life. God, woman, you are so damned brave. You are astonishing.” He dropped another kiss—and held his lips there a little longer.

She liked how he lingered like that. “I…” Sensations and thoughts overwhelmed Petra. Panic clutched her lungs.

“Petra,” he said, “you’re okay. Everything’s okay. You’re safe. It’s over. I’ve got you now.”

She nodded her head.

“Put your hands on the wall in front of you. Go back to one subject. You’re showing me something new about Darwin. Here are my fingers on your scalp.”

Petra took a minute to breathe and center. She focused on her index finger, which lay on the white plastic wall, and the gentle swirls Hawkeye traced over her scalp. “Survival of the fittest sounds like pulling yourself up by the bootstraps, like rugged individualism. But, in human history, people have always depended on others for survival. People get good at one skill and market that skill from storyteller to shaman to stone cutter. It was—and is—a rare person who attempts to go it alone. And that’s why ostracism was one of the worst possible punishments. Like being left alone on an island. Buck’s Island here in St. Croix, for example.”

“You’re straying again. I’ll ask about Buck’s Island later. About Darwin, what I hear is that survival of the fittest means the one who can contribute in some way. Can follow societal rules. Probably the one that is seen as a good person.”

“Exactly. That’s… people who can form alliances and make easy friendships. That doesn’t work out great for me.”

“What are you talking about?” he asked. “You’re friendly.”

“Am I? Hmm. I don’t think of myself as friendly. Since I’m neurodivergent, it’s more likely that people think of me as odd. I’m fine with that,” she threw in, lest he thought shewas looking for compliments or even pity. “There are actually scientific studies which say that just from looking at the face of someone who is neurodivergent, neurotypical people think there’s something off that they couldn’t place, and so they assume a red flag and distance themselves.”

Petra would love to know what Darwin thought about that.

Still, had she just told Hawkeye that people found her odd?

Petra was fighting hard not to make the mistake she always did—to mask, to shapeshift, to try to interpret what the other person was looking for and transform into that thing. It was a typical means of survival—since they were talking about survival—for people who were differently wired.

“We can debate how people perceive you,” Hawkeye said, and his voice sounded like he was smiling. “My team thinks you’re amazing. And if I saw any red flags waving, I wouldn’t be naked with you right now. But let’s focus on the word ‘friendly.’ Take Cooper. He’s laid-back and accepting, but I wouldn’t call him friendly. He likes who he likes and tolerates others. He does a good job. He’s highly esteemed. He gets a lot of joy from his work, which helps people. But his behavior with you on the plane was atypical. He likes people at a distance. He’s also my best friend.”

“I think Cooper and I have a lot in common. I tend to keep my social circles small.”

“And trustworthy?” Hawkeye asked.

“Yes, I’d say that’s true.”

“Always or as an adult?”

Petra was having trouble considering that question as Hawkeye knelt behind her, massaging his hands over her thighs, the bite of soap in her cuts, the gentleness of his hands. “It’smore pronounced the older I get. I plan on being quite the curmudgeon in my old age.”

“Thanks for the warning.” He leaned forward and kissed her hip, then stood. He pulled Petra back into his arms, holding her against him, and she could feel his dick hard at her back.

“I’m going to say something, and I hope this isn’t offensive in any way.”

Petra braced for it. Nothing good could come next.

“We’re both exhausted. Physically and emotionally drained from today.”

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