Page 119 of Her Cruel Redemption

The hold was dark and humid and stacked with crates and barrels, some lashed down and others shifting with the roll of the waves. I spotted a gap behind a cluster of grain sacks by the wall and we ducked behind it. Only then did I realise how violently I was shaking with cold and adrenaline.

‘Come here.’ The command was soft and accompanied by a pair of hands drawing me over, even though he was just as wet as I was. I couldn’t believe I was on board a ship headed for Aether knew where. Withhim.

One moment at a time.

Shafts of daylight split the hold. Draven was asleep, his head resting against one of the bags of grain, arm still wrapped loosely around me. I was trying not to wake him. I wondered how long it had been since he slept. Wondered where we were going, what we would do when we got there. I traced patterns in the dirt on the floor, too sore and uncomfortable to sleep, doubts spinning through my head. As the adrenaline had faded away, they had crept in, whispering through my mind, demanding to know how I could justify this choice. What if he turned on me? What if heabandonedme? The sharp scrape of a door opening cut into the silence. Boots on the boards.

‘Come out,’ Captain Margrave’s voice barked. ‘Now.’

I glanced at Draven. His eyes were open, and he was already shifting to rise to his feet. He stood, and I followed, stepping out from behind the grain sacks to where the captain was waiting with folded arms.

‘I’m sorely tempted to throw you overboard here,’ he said, voice gruff. ‘But I gave your friend my word, so I’ll take you as far as the next port. It’ll be a few days. We’re in open ocean now, so if you’d prefer a bed and a cabin, you can have one.’

I raised my brows in surprise. I honestly thought he’d been about to cast us out. But he seemed a little more relaxed now, his shoulders lower, his face less riddled with tension lines. Perhaps the open ocean put him in a better mood.

We followed him up the steps, emerging onto the deck into a sharp blast of sunlight and brisk, salty air. Sailors called to one another and laughed, their voices full of humour, and I craned my neck to take in the sails above, bloated with wind as they took the ship soaring across the ocean. There was no land in sight, not in any direction I could see. Just endless stretches of sea. And the hope that poured into me at the sight was euphoric, because if there had ever been a chance at a new beginning, then surely it was on the open ocean where the land-bound past couldn’t follow, and the horizon promised new possibilities at every turn.

The sailors eyed us curiously as Margrave led us across the deck, but there was no hostility for now, not with the captain’s treatment of us signalling that we were welcome aboard. Even so, it was a relief to reach the cabin he was letting us take.

‘There’s food,’ he said, motioning to a table where a small basket had been set. I spied a bottle of what I hoped was wine poking out of it. ‘I don’t want you in the mess, so I’ll have more brought. It’d be better for the crew to have as little to do with you as possible.’

‘We’ll keep to ourselves,’ Draven agreed. The captain gave a brisk nod and then he was closing the door on us, the sound of his boots fading away as he returned to guiding his ship. I crossed to the bed and sank onto it with a sigh, relieved to rest my aching body on a softer location than the floor of the cargo hold. Relived that we wouldn’t have to hide the whole time we were aboard.

‘What are we going to do when he boots us off at the next port?’ I asked, rubbing my eyes with my hands, mind beginning to dart down the path of what the future held.

Draven hadn’t moved from the doorway. His eyes were shadowed as he watched me, his jaw lined with more than a few days-worth of stubble, his hair scruffy where it had rubbed against the sack he’d been sleeping against, the dark fabric of his shirt and pants streaked with pale lines of salt. And the aching that always filled my chest when I looked at him felt softer, now. Warmer. Less shot through with rage and fear.

‘What?’ I asked, a shiver of doubt creeping into my voice. What was he thinking, with all that raw pain gleaming in his eyes? ‘Is something wrong?’

He approached, crossing the cabin to stand before me. Slowly, he offered his hand.

I stared at it, baffled.

‘Hello,’ he said. He cleared his throat, tried again. ‘My name is Draven Soveraux,’ he continued, his voice a little steadier. ‘I’m the son of a kidnapped Yoxvese woman and a cruel king. I’ve spent half my life in captivity and the other half seeking vengeance for it. I’ve killed and tortured and commanded armies and started wars. I’ve had magic and lost it. Had a crown and lost it. Hadyou.’ He paused, swallowed. ‘And lost you.’

I felt like I could hardly breathe. My heartbeat was strange and fluttery and buoyant. ‘What are you doing?’

‘What I should have done in the beginning.’ He moved closer, his hand dropping lower, seeking out mine. I let him take it as he crouched before me, sinking to his knees. ‘I have used you and kept secrets from you. I’ve hurt you and made you my enemy. And I’ve spent far too long pretending that I haven’t loved you since the moment you looked up at me from that street corner and offered to sell me something when you had nothing left to sell.’

I was shaking my head. Something brittle in me had snapped as he’d spoken, and I was suddenly riddled with fear, wrapped tight by that hissing voice that warned that this couldn’t be real. ‘What is this?’ I demanded, the fear raising my hackles and making me want to shut down, block him out, build up the walls around me so he couldn’t reach me. Because if I let myself believe him, what would happen to me when he revealed it had all been a lie? How would I survive it? ‘You think we can just start again? Just run away and pretend none of it ever happened? And what’ll we do with ourselves if we do? Build a house? Have a baby? Forget this was ever our life?’

‘If that’s what you want,’ he said simply, earnestly. It struck me back into silence. ‘If you want a safe, settled life, I’ll give it to you. I’ll build you a house in a shaft of sunlight and bring you tulips every day. I’ll hold you through your nightmares and kiss every place I’ve ever hurt you. I’ll give you thousands of new memories until the old ones don’t ache anymore. If you want me to get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness every night for the rest of my life, I’ll do that too. Anything, Rhiandra. Command me and I’ll do it. If you want another palace, I’ll build you one. If you want to burn the world down behind us, I’ll light the match. I don’t care what future we’re chasing, so long as it’s one where we belong to each other the way we should have from the start.’

I was trembling. I couldn’t stop. It was one thing to save his life, but another entirely to believe in the future he painted. To pin all my hopes on something that was so dependent on him. ‘You aren’t a good man,’ I said, my voice unsteady.

‘No,’ he agreed. ‘But I can be good to you. I want to be.’ He cupped my face, grey eyes scanning mine like he was searching for something he’d spent his whole life looking for. ‘I don’t want to be the reason for any more of your pain,’ he said. ‘If you don’t think I could ever earn your trust, and you want to walk away… then I’ll let you. I love you enough to let you.’

Abruptly, I stood. Went to the table. Rummaged around in the basket Margrave had left us until I found a glass and the bottle I’d spied before. Gritted my teeth as I yanked out the cork. Slopped a generous helping into the glass. Drained it. Poured another. Draven had risen to his feet, eyeing me with some concern.

I shook the bottle at him. ‘That is bullshit.’

He frowned. ‘I meant all of it. I have nothing—’

‘The last part,’ I interjected. ‘About letting me walk away. What, I give up everything for you and then you justlet me walk away? Aftereverythingyou went through to force yourself into my life? After youchased meacross two kingdoms? No fucking way do you get to feed me that line.’ I took another drink, steadied by the warmth of the wine in my stomach.

‘I know that’s what I did,’ he said slowly, ‘but if—’

‘No!’ I smacked the glass down onto the table. Fortunately I’d emptied it, because the roll of the ship sent it promptly tumbling to the floor. ‘If we do this, thereisno walking away. Not for either of us, do you understand? We have nothing but each other to rely on, now, so you’d better be fucking reliable. You’d better make itworthcommitting treason and being exiled.’

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