Page 74 of Her Cruel Redemption

‘I’ll go with Goras,’ Mae replied almost too eagerly, rising to her feet. I wondered if she was thinking of Orym and the slim chance she might have of seeing her when we made it inside the walls. Wondered if she’d spent the night before dreaming of her, and if she hated herself for it.

Gwin embraced the other woman so naturally, and they squeezed each other tight for a long moment. ‘Then please be careful,’ Gwin whispered just loud enough for me to hear as they parted. ‘Look after each other and take as few risks as you can.’

‘Of course,’ Mae said, smiling warmly. She glanced over her shoulder at me. ‘I’ll see you later.’

‘You’d better,’ I replied as she left the tent, and anxiety flickered in my stomach as I watched her go. ‘She’ll be alright,’ I said, more to myself than to Gwinellyn, who was looking tense and drawn as she watched the tent flap close.

‘You’re with the group making the attack on the gates,’ Gwin said when she turned back to me.

‘It seems sensible.’

‘It feels wrong that I’ll be watching from afar.’

‘It’s not wrong.Youhave to be safe, more than anyone else. No one fighting for you would wish for you to be there with them.’

‘I know. But it still feels wrong.’ She let out a long breath, brow crumpling, eyes dropping to somewhere near my feet. ‘People will die.’

‘People die every day. At least those who die for this are doing it for a reason.’

‘Just try to keep your head. Hang back, let the soldiers do what they’re trained for.’

I stood, stretching out my arms and rolling my neck after sitting still for so long. ‘And no magic, I suppose.’

‘No.’

‘How am I supposed to hold Draven’s attention long enough for half an army to sneak into the city if I can’t draw on the most powerful tool at my disposal?’ I wanted to use it.Neededto use it. Hankered for that rush of power I’d felt on the skywalk at Bright Keep, for the terror I’d inspired. The risk of magic poisoning worried me a little, but I’d beaten it before. Why wouldn’t they wield me as the weapon I was?

‘I think we both know you won’t need lightning to hold his attention,’ Gwinellyn replied, and now, finally, some of yesterday’s conflict tightened her mouth. I opened mine to speak, but she shook her head. ‘We’re not going to continue that conversation now. Let’s just… try and use your relationship with him to our advantage.’ She offered me a half smile, one that still wore anxiety draped around its edges. ‘And stay safe. I don’t…’ her voice cracked. She cleared her throat and tried again. ‘I can’t…’

I relieved her from her struggle with whatever emotion she was trying to speak around and rubbed her arm as I steered her out of the tent. ‘I know. I’ll be fine. I’ll see you back here after we’ve liberated the city. Try not to mope around crying over every man who stumbles back with a bruise. You’ll have to be in a good headset for a rousing victory speech.’

Her eyes widened. ‘Oh Aether, a victory speech?’

‘See? I’d prefer my lot to yours. Everyone has their battles to fight.’

With a final reassuring smile, I left her to go and find the segment of the force who would be serving as a diversion with me, anticipation buzzing in my blood. I’d never seen a battle, and perhaps I should have been afraid. I’d certainly never been the sort to risk my life and run headlong into danger for a noble cause in the past. But this didn’t feel like that sort of folly. This felt like an opportunity to settle a score, and I was eager to see it through.

A storm was brewing above, and a sudden shower sent people around me scurrying for cover. I didn’t. I paused and turned my face to the sky, staring up into the rain-speckled grey, basking in the sudden thrum of exhilaration in my blood. I didn’t hug myself tight, didn’t withdraw from the chilling sweep of wind over my skin, and when the growl of thunder rolled out around me, slowly building, building, building, I felt the magic in me rise with it, like the sound was summoning me onwards. I wanted tostrike.Wanted toburn.I wanted to tear apart the fabric of the world in a blaze of white.

With a shudder, I shook the feeling away, taking a slow breath to settle the restless churn of magic, before continuing on at a light jog to escape the rain. Perhaps those who were going to be entering the city via the tunnels had one advantage. At least they’d be free of the weather.

General Morozov—the serious, upstanding man who’d attended the negotiation—was leading the assault on the gate, and when I’d found him in the midst of organising his men and planning strategy, he told me, respectfully, that I essentially had nothing to prepare for because I didn’t need to worry about being involved in any of the fighting myself. I was making a nuisance of myself by refusing to return to my tent and insinuating myself in his planning when Daethie found me. I didn’t know how long she’d been standing there by the time I finally noticed her. She seemed content enough to linger on the edges of the circled tents that was serving as Morozov’s command centre, watching as soldiers and pages and heralds and captains raced back and forth.

‘They’ve certainly been making good use of you,’ I remarked as I approached her, noting the nurse’s apron she wore strung around her slim waist, marked with stains I didn’t want to know the origin of. The cocoa-coloured dress was ill-fitting, probably because it hadn’t been made for her, and her hair seemed even frizzier than usual.

She gave a lop-sided shrug. ‘If I can ease suffering, then I will.’

‘Just don’t let them catch you using magic to do it. I don’t know what sort of reaction you’d get. It’s bad enough with everyone eying Mae.’

‘It’s funny when you give me advice you don’t take yourself,’ she replied airily. ‘You’re quite happy for your own magic use to draw attention.’

True enough. I let the comment go unchallenged. ‘What are you doing lingering here? Have you decided to join the gate assault?’

‘I’ve come to see you. There’s something I’ve been meaning to speak with you about for a while.’

Intrigued, I followed her as she led me though the tents until we left the bustle of the camp for a thicket of trees flanking it. There, she seemed satisfied that we perhaps wouldn’t be overheard, sitting on a bank of soft grass in a shaft of sunlight. She patted the ground beside her. ‘Sit.’

I did, buzzing with curiosity as I waited for her to reveal what she wanted to talk about. She studied me, the sunlight turning her blond lashes translucent and gleaming from the uncharacteristically sombre look in her eyes. I shifted my seat, uncomfortable under her scrutiny.

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