Page 75 of Her Cruel Redemption

‘Show me how you wield magic,’ she said after a long moment.

I raised an eyebrow. ‘You want me to what?’

‘I want you to show me your magic. Only a little, though. Nothing that will do serious damage if you accidently strike something.’

I bristled, puffing up with indignation. ‘I’m not that incompetent.’

She just smiled faintly, waiting.

Nebulous woman. Could she not just come out and tell me what she wanted? I raised a hand, concentrating hard as I very carefully drew on the humming threads of magic in my awareness. It roared to life with far more energy than I’d expected, engulfing my hand in a flare of light.

Daethie scooted away, surprise widening her eyes. ‘Not that much.’

‘I’m trying,’ I said through gritted teeth, trying to envision the sparks shrinking down. It was like trying to move a phantom limb. And they only flared brighter.

‘Can you aim at something?’ she asked, pointing. ‘How about that tree?’

I fixed on the tree, picking out a knob to aim at as I flung my hand towards it, trying to force the lightning in the direction I wanted it to go. It snapped through the air, leaping over the tree I’d targeted, hitting somewhere beyond with a jolt of shuddering sound. Instantly, my head was aching. I let the magic return to its dormant state with a sigh. ‘Did you see what you wanted?’

‘You treat magic as though it’s an enemy to be wrestled into submission,’ Daethie observed mildly, like I was a flower budding a little later than expected. ‘It looks exhausting.’

‘What else am I supposed to do? It doesn’t do what I need it to. It won’t go where it should.’

She canted her head, tapping a finger against her chin. ‘I wonder if it’s just your human blood, or if you’ve been given it too late. Maybe it doesn’t feel like part of you. We’re gifted as children and our capabilities with magic grow with us.’

‘That doesn’t help me. I can’t go back in time and receive it earlier. I need to learn what to do with it now. What good will it be in the battle to come if I can’t wield it properly?’

She nodded. ‘It could be just as dangerous to you as it would be to your enemies. That’s why I’m going to help you understand it.’

I eyed her sceptically. ‘But I thought you were all against teaching me.’

‘I’m not,’ she replied simply, and she didn’t need to tell me the others likely didn’t know she was here. ‘The threat to your mind and your body from using it is very real, and I want you to take it seriously. But you’re going to use magic with or without help in learning to control it. If I help you, maybe you’ll wreak less harm.’ She took a hold of my hands. I flinched at the sudden contact but didn’t pull away. ‘Breathe,’ she said.

‘Really?’

‘Really.’

I sighed and did as I was told, sucking in a lungful and expelling it back out again. I did this for several breaths, until I began to feel lightheaded.

‘Stop,’ she said.

‘Breathing?’

‘Stop focusing on it so hard. Stop forcing it. You were breathing competently enough until you noticed it. But drawing your attention to it left you immediately trying to control it.’

‘So?’

‘It’s tiring, consciously controlling your breathing. And it loses its flow. It’s the same with magic.’

‘Can you just skip to the part where you tell me what to do to fix it?’

She laughed quietly, though I didn’t see that I’d said anything funny. ‘Impatience won’t help magic either.’

‘I’ve been at this for months now and have got nowhere. Meanwhile, a whole war could rest on my ability to figure this out. If I’m impatient, it’s because it’s taking too long.’

She studied me, head still cocked, completely unphased by my frustration, as impervious to my emotions as an oak tree swaying in the wind. ‘We have a saying in the Living Valley, one we use with newly gifted young ones,’ she said, releasing my hands. ‘Try to push water and it will slip through your fingers and go where it will. But if you carve it a path, it will follow you.’

‘What does that mean?’ I asked, exasperated. If she wanted me to limit my frustration, she should stop speaking in riddles.

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