Page 72 of My Fiancé's Brother 2

November 11, 2008- I look back on the last 21 years of my life, and all I see is how much I wasted. How much I lost. Jackson, despite my intentions, turned out to be a remarkable human being. He was right. I had my chance. I had my chance with him. I had my chance with his mother. Tonight, after Irene goes to bed, I’m going to drink several glasses of my best scotch. I’m going to smoke that cigar that I have been saving. And then I’m going to take 10 of my heart medication pills that I'm reasonably certain will stop my heart. Although I’m pretty sure it stopped beating the night Melody left me.

LETTER TO JACKSON FROM HARRY

Jackson,

I’m sorry I was such a coward. I’m sorry I never admitted that you were my son. I don’t blame you for not forgiving me. It was an unfair request. You need to know that I loved your mother, Melody, with all my heart. She was the most intoxicating woman I have ever met in my life. And I should have never let her go. I should have never let either of you go. Not a day has passed that I haven’t thought about how different the circumstances of your life and mine would have been if I had been more courageous in my life.

This journal is yours. Even if you don’t want it, even if you don’t read it - it’s yours to do with as you wish. I have two (possibly unfair) requests of you.

First, please remove this journal and don't let Irene or Matt know the truth about me. I think my death will be traumatic enough for them, finding out that I'm an adulterer and a murderer would only do more damage. I have also included the DNA records that prove that you are my son. Although it seems unfair that I give you proof and then ask you not to share that with anyone.

My second request is that you find it in your heart to be a son toIrene and a brother to Matt. I know that Irene has treated you reprehensibly. She's a cold woman, and she's hard to love, but I know that in her way she loves you. Please don’t abandon her. And Matt, I’m afraid takes after his mother (but better her than myself.) He tends to be selfish and controlling. I think you were a very good influence on him. I hope you find it in your heart to be their rock. They'll need you. Never doubt that.

I could have destroyed this journal and these records, and you'd have never been the wiser, but I'm tired of the lies and tired of this burden I have carried for so long.

So I pass on to you these records. This is the account of your life before you might remember it.

Jackson, you have grown up to be a man that makes me proud. You live with courage and strength, and I think Melody would have been so proud of you. I don’t know if you remember your mother, but you are the spitting image of her. Never forget that she chose you. She put your life first. She loved you. You reminded me of her every single day. And you bore my grief every single day too. And for that, I apologize with my entire heart.

Your loving father,

Harry Jarvais

CHAPTER 24

I couldn’t believewhat I had just read. I now understood why Jackson had hidden this journal. Holy fuck. Matt’s father had murdered Ted in cold blood. I felt sick to my stomach. Horrified. Even worse was the realization that I had read this journal without Jackson’s permission and the considerable magnitude of that fact overwhelmed me. He must never find out that I had read this.

My heart nearly broke over the idea of a 15-year-old Jackson, crying over Ted’s death. Ted’s tyrannical physical abuse over Jackson was inexcusable, but he had also managed to somehow form a bond with him at the same time. It staggered me that Ted had attended every single one of Jackson’s baseball games and made sure that he was sober for all of them. It appeared that Ted had been the only adult in Jackson’s life who had attempted to parent him.

I tried to remember everything that Matt had told me about his father, Harry Jarvais. He spoke so highly of him. The stern yet loving police officer who seemed so reserved in his feelings, however, showed his love in odd ways towards Matt. At the same time, he allowed his other son to be at the hands of not one but two abusers, and he stood back and did nothing to stop it. For a fierce moment, Iwas glad that he was dead. If he was alive, there's no way I'd be able to forgive him.

Don’t even get me started on wicked Irene who was as evil and cold-hearted as they came. The things she said to Jackson, the way she spoke to him. Her heartless, callous abuse towards Jackson had been difficult to read. She was as bad as Ted, if not worse in her psychological warfare against such a young boy.

Dear God. It explained so much about Jackson. His only defense against her bullying had been to have absolutely no reaction at all. The only way he could endure her reign of terror was just to pretend it wasn’t happening. Now as an adult, when Jackson faced intense situations, he had the stunning ability to turn off all his emotions and not react on any level, leaving in his wake an indifferent and impassive soldier, ready to take action. Now I understood why. He had years of practice.

I lay on the bed and thought about everything. Jackson acted like he didn’t care about ending things with Harper, but perhaps he cared deeply. At this point, I had even less understanding of what he was feeling. My only hope now was that he would find it in his heart to fall in love with Alien. That he'd be able to give and receive this child’s love. That would almost be enough for me. I could love him. And if he loved our child, I figured that we could somehow make this work.

I got a chair and pulled down the stairs to the attic. I put the journal back in the attic in the hiding place that I had found it and prayed that Jackson never found out that I had betrayed him and his trust. I needed to tuck that away and forget that I ever saw it.

I took a hot shower and then let Chloe out in the backyard. When I called her, she didn’t seem to want to come in. She was eating something. Annoyed, I marched onto the cool grass in my bare feet and yanked her back into the house by the collar.

I wokeup to the sound of puking. Chloe lay on the bathroom floor panting. There was blue vomit beside her. She lifted her head weakly and wagged her tail with two weak thumps.

“Oh shit,” I panicked. I drove like a complete maniac to Newport to the animal hospital. The vet immediately rushed Chloe to an examination room.

“Do you know what she ate?”

“She was eating something in the backyard before we went to bed. I didn’t pay attention.”

He started an IV line for Chloe. “Based on the fact that her puke was blue, I’m almost certain it's rat poison.”

I satby Chloe while the vet continuously monitored her. The only person I wanted to talk to was Jackson. I had no idea if he would get my text but I sent one.

Me: Chloe and I are at the vet. She woke up vomiting. The vet said she has been poisoned.

Five minutes later, my phone rang.

“Emily. What’s going on?”

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