“I’m not.”
“I can’t, Neledrim. I just…it’s too much.” He throat constricted, tears blurring her vision. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”
She pushed herself to her feet and ran.
“Anna!”
Ignoring him, she shoved her body against the heavy door, fighting the wind to open it. Cold pierced her very core the moment she emerged into the night, and she knew the damage had been done. The walls had come down, and she did not know how she would survive the heartache once he decided to leave.
* * *
Anna stood on her toes, trying to peer between the shutter’s slats. All she could see outside was blurred white and gray. It had been snowing since the night before, since she had fled from him, and the sun would soon set again. She'd not seen sign of him all day. Turning away from the window, she chewed at her lower lip, hands fiddling with the fabric of her skirts. This winter was worse than the one that had taken her husband and child. And it threatened to take a different person from her.
But aren’t I the one who lefthim?
There was a knock. Her heart, which had sunken to the pit of her stomach, leapt, beating frantically. She raced across the room, lifting the bar and tugging the door open.
Neledrim entered, shrugging snow off his shoulders. He walked past her to place the sack in his hand atop the table. Brows furrowed, she followed. He made no remark as she opened the bag and peered inside.
"Where did you find all of this?How?" Within were three rabbits, two squirrels, winterberries, cattail shoots, and clams. Enough to feed her for weeks, it seemed.
The bounty could not distract her from Neledrim, however. He'd yet to look at her, and it almost felt as though the air around him was thicker. It was like some gloom hung over him, affecting everything in his wake.
"I am leaving," he finally said, his words heavy.
"Now?" she whispered. "You can't. You'll die out there." Her heartbeat had slowed, but each thump echoed between her ears ominously.
"I've survived worse," he replied. He swung his gaze up from the table to meet hers, his brows drawn tight. "If all else fails, perhaps there will be a benevolent spirit to save me."
She stepped forward, touching his arm. A heavy weight settled in her stomach. "You said yourself that those are just silly stories. No one can survive that. Don't go."
"Each moment I spend here causes you greater sorrow," he said, his words strained. Softly, he brushed a thumb over her cheek. "For both of us, I must leave.
Their hands dropped away, reluctantly, and the small distance between them seemed impossibly wide to her. She couldn’t beg him. Couldn’t force herself to say the words to make him stay. Even after what they had shared, she could not bear the pain that caring for him would bring any more than she could the thought of him coming to harm.
"Please. At least until the storm passes."
He shook his head. "You've given me more than you know, and I thank you." He dipped his head towards the sack on the table. "You'll need that to get through the winter."
The wind wailed outside, rattling the shutters. The house’s beams and planks moaned their protest. Even the fire wavered.
"It's dangerous."
"Being alive is dangerous, and those risks make it all the sweeter," he replied, walking to the door. His graceful hand touched the bar and lingered. "Thank you. For all you've done for me."
Anna closed her eyes, unable to watch him leave. There was a blast of frigid air in the room, rustling everything. When she opened her eyes, the door was closed. Neledrim was gone. He was at the mercy of the storm now. In the cruel hands of winter, which could offer glimpses of unparalleled joy, of stunning beauty, and then take it all away in an instant.
She sat in her rocking chair, nails digging into the wooden armrests. A moment later, she was on her feet again, pacing before the fire. He would see reason. He would realize the danger of what he was doing and would come back. She'd probably find him in the barn the next morning.
Time passed, each moment slipping into the next, her dread mounting more and more rapidly. Unable to stand waiting any longer, she strode to the door and opened it.
Chill wind slammed into her like a giant, icy hand, pushing her back. Her brown curls fluttered about her head, obscuring what little vision the sheets of whirling snow did not. She tugged the door closed, clamped her arms over her chest, hands tucked in her armpits, and trudged out into the blinding white.
"Neledrim!" she shouted, the storm swallowing up her voice with what might have been laughter. Tiny crystals of ice rode the wild air currents, stinging her face. The cold wormed its way beneath her clothing as she stumbled through the snow. "Neledrim!"
Her teeth clacked together as shudders coursed up and down her spine, but she pushed forward. He couldn't have gotten far. She would be the stranger in one of his stories if she had to, would drag him back with all the strength she could muster. She wouldn't lose him, too.
Ducking her head against the force of the wind, she squinted, trying to make out her surroundings. She couldn't see anything through the snow. How long had she walked? How far had she come?