Page 21 of Killing Me Softly

The rain ran cold down his spine and he could hear Kenny’s voice in his head, calm and clinical, reminding him that catastrophising was a hallmark of his trauma. And his past hadconditionedhis brain to magnify rejection into devastation. But understanding the psychology of it, naming it, tracing it back to its roots in his childhood, didn’t stop the flood. The overbearingpain.

In a complete act of utter spontaneity, he yanked out his phone and even though he hovered his thumb over Kenny’s name, he wouldn’t be callinghim.That would be too much—too vulnerable, too exposing. Instead, he scrolled down and tapped on Jayden’s name. He didn’t call his mate from the care home often. Rarely at all anymore now he didn’t need to constantly ask for money or ask him to get him out of a scrape he’d landed himself in. But Jaydengot it. Not in the exact way Aaron did—Jayden’s mum wasn’t a serial killer—but she was just as unhinged, having been unable to care for Jayden as a kid and shunting him into the same care system. Growing up in chaos like that left scars that never fully faded. And despite the brief, messythingthey’d had years ago, which barely counted as a relationship and had meant little beyond Jayden helping Aaron feel in control of his body again after the nightmare of being unconscious and raped, Jayden was the closest thing to family Aaron had.

So when he answered on the third ring, voice loud over the noise in the background, Aaron almost shed tears at the flippant easiness. “Hey, A! Whas-sup?”

Aaron hesitated. Now that he had Jayden on the line, the words felt jammed in his throat. “You busy?”

“Yeah.”Jayden’s laugh was distracted.“At rehearsals. But I got two minutes if you were calling to check my bank details and transfer me that thirty quid you owe.”

Aaron closed his eyes, exhaling. Right. Banter. Normal. He could do that. “Uh, yeah, sure. Must’ve sent it to the wrong account.”

“Sure you did.”

Aaron forced a smirk. “Can I ask you something?”

“Is it about whether you’re in love again?”

“No.”

“Good, ‘cause I think we both know you are.”

“Ha, yeah.”

“So is it back to money?”

“No.” He shifted his weight, trying to force down the knot in his chest. “I get my loan in a couple of days. I’m sorted there.”

“Good. Go on then, ask away.”

Aaron rubbed a hand over his forehead, the cold rain still clinging to his skin. He didn’t know what he wanted from this conversation. Clarification? Justification? Acknowledgment?

Fuck it.“If your fella…” Aaron winced, realising he’d completely blanked on the bloke’s name—Jayden’s partner of a few years now. There was an age gap there too. And if Aaron let himself think too hard about it, he’d have to admit that all those therapy sessions had been right. That maybe, when they told him kids like him haddaddy issues, they weren’t pulling it out of thin air.

“Rick,” Jayden supplied, completely unfazed, snapping Aaron out of the spiral before he could dissect why kids fromcare so often gravitated toward relationships built on power imbalances.

“Right. Rick.” Aaron said it like he hadn’t just needed a reminder. “If his mum died, would he want you to comfort him?”

A pause. Muffled voices. Then a slam—probably a stage door shutting behind Jayden as he stepped away from the noise.“Did your bloke’s mum die?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit, mate. Sorry.”

Aaron swallowed, nodding even though Jayden couldn’t see him. “Yeah.”

Jayden hummed, like he was thinking.“And you’re asking if I would expect Rick to ask me to be there for him?”He didn’t take long to answer.“Yeah. Course.”

Aaron’s stomach twisted. “Right.”

Jayden wasn’t stupid. He caught the meaning immediately.“Your bloke didn’t, then?”

“No.”

Jayden let out a breath.“Bruh. Don’t take it personally. He’s grieving.”

Aaron clenched his jaw. He knew that. Heknew. But that didn’t stop the gnawing ache in his chest, the way his mind spun in circles trying to make sense of it.

Jayden’s voice softened.“I get why it stings. But some people… when they’re hurting, they don’t know how to let people in.”

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