Page 23 of Tactically Acquired

“What’s that?” Thumper asked, leaning closer.

I flinched, horrified that I had unwittingly gotten involved in their spat. “Nothing. I didn’t say a damn thing.”

“Me thinks the baldy doth protest a tad too much,” IRIS laughed.

I spun in my seat and narrowed my eyes at IRIS. “Me thinks thou doth spend too much time with Fox.”

His smile dropped instantly. “Cake eater.”

“What does that even mean? I like cake? Of course I like cake. I like cooking. How is that an insult?”

“That’s not what it means,” he snapped.

“Then why don’t you enlighten me.”

“It means…it means…”

“That’s what I thought,” I huffed in amusement.

“For fuck’s sake,” Thumper grumbled. “He’s calling you a spoiled rich boy.”

I raised an eyebrow, wondering where the hell he got that from. I swiveled again. “You think I’m a rich boy?”

“A spoiled rich boy,” Thumper clarified.

“I’m not rich.”

“That’s not what—” IRIS tried to explain, but I cut him off.

“According to Thumper, that’s the definition of a cake eater. And we both know Thumper’s never wrong.”

“He could be wrong.”

“I bet if I looked it up on my phone, it would say the same damn thing.”

IRIS rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna make the tiniest explosive in the world and shove it up your ass in the middle of the night. And when you least expect it, I’ll set it off and end you in the blink of an eye.”

I thought about it and nodded. “Well, at least it wouldn’t be painful. Sounds like it would be over pretty fast.”

“Where the fuck is this airport?” Thumper grumbled. “You would think an airport in California would not be that hard to find.”

IRIS leaned forward between the seats, breathing heavily on my neck. “There are over eight hundred airports in California.”

“Would you get the fuck away from me? I can’t stand when someone breathes on me.”

“So sorry, your majesty. I wouldn’t want to get in your air space.”

“Hey, this—” I said, slashing a line between us, “is my boundary line. You don’t enter it for any reason.”

“Even if you’re dying and the only way to save you is by mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?”

I flicked one eyebrow up. “Even then. If you put even one fucking lip over the line, I swear to God, I’ll cut off your balls. My airspace is a sacred thing and I will not have it tainted with the hot air flowing out of your mouth.”

He held his hands up, sliding back in his seat. “Good to know. The next time you’re lying on the ground dying, I’ll be sure to stay ten feet away.”

“I would appreciate that.”

“Where’s the fucking airport?” Thumper shouted, slamming his fist into the steering wheel. “Seriously, there are fifty fucking turns around here and they all go the wrong fucking way!”

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