Page 99 of Tactically Acquired

I swallowed the massive lump of tears in my throat and tried to calm down. I had to pull myself together. I couldn’t afford to break down in tears like this all the time. Not when there were things to be done.

“Oh God,” I whispered, taking a step back. “What about the funeral?”

“That’s what we need to talk about. I know it’s shitty timing, but I need you to tell me what you want to do.”

What I wanted to do. That seemed like a monumental task right now. I couldn’t even think past the fact that she was gone. She had just written me a letter. I didn’t even know how she died. Had she performed in the theater? What about her husband? Was she still married? Would he make the arrangements?

“Audrey?” Slider asked, his face marred with concern.

He wanted an answer. My eyes slowly rose to his face, and for the first time in a very long time, I was angry. Very fucking angry. I thought I had gotten past all of this. I thought I had accepted what was happening to me, but now, when I desperately needed the connection to him, I couldn’t have it. Not the way I wanted.

“I need Spencer,” I whispered. I couldn’t do this without him. There was so much I needed to talk about with him.

Slider actually looked disappointed that I wanted to talk to Spencer instead of him. I didn’t mean to hurt him, but there was so much he didn’t understand—so much that I hadn’t disclosed to anyone besides Spencer.

“Yeah, let me take you to Spencer.”

He turned to leave, but I fumbled for his hand, knowing I needed him to guide me. He squeezed my hand, probably thinking I was holding his hand for comfort. God, he was going to hate me.

“Audrey,” Spencer called out, instantly letting me know where he was.

It was something he did when we were together, always making me aware of his presence. He was by my side in seconds, his arm wrapped around me as he led me down the hall to his bedroom. As soon as the door closed, he helped me navigate a path to the bed.

I shook my head as the tears started to fall again. “God, this is such a mess.”

“Tell me what I can do,” Spencer whispered.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.”

He took my hand, sliding his fingers through mine. “Audrey, what do you want? Do you want to go home for the funeral?”

I huffed out a laugh, finding the whole thing funny. “I shouldn’t, right? She wouldn’t come to mine. She’d probably find some excuse not to come. Maybe she’d have a vacation in Maui or a production that she’d been dying to be in that she just couldn’t miss.”

“She would be there,” he reassured me.

I doubted that. “She wasn’t there for me when I told her about my diagnosis. In fact, she told me it was no big deal, and then she changed the subject.”

“Well, she’s always been a little self-involved.”

“She always was,” I corrected in a small voice. “I thought…”

“What?”

I felt foolish for even thinking it. “I thought I would see her one more time before my sight was gone,” I admitted. “I told myself that I would track her down wherever she was and see her, even if it was for only five minutes. I just wanted to have the memory.”

“Audrey…you still have the memories.”

Tears spilled down my cheeks as I shook my head. “It’s getting harder to remember,” I whispered. “It’s been so long. Ten years is a really long time to go without seeing your mother.”

“I know,” he sighed, brushing the tears from my face. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. What about her husband?”

“I don’t know,” I shook my head. “I don’t know if he’s still around. I don’t know if she’s even married or if she wants to be cremated or have a lavish funeral.”

“It’s Ginger. Of course she wants a lavish funeral,” he teased.

I smiled, cupping his face in my hands as tears filled my eyes again. “I wish I could still see your face clearly. I miss it so much.”

“How bad is it?” he asked. It was the question that came up every few months whenever my vision started to deteriorate further.

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