Page 144 of Tactically Acquired

“You selfish bitch! All I wanted was one more fucking movie! You couldn’t give that to me!”

“Well, I’m sort of blind. Sorry about that,” I retorted, turning slightly to face Dick. “Seriously, a little less breathing on my neck. What part of that did you not understand?”

“Two!”

“Just put the gun down,” I shouted. “I promise you, he will kill you!”

“I’m not going to jail!”

I didn’t see exactly what happened. I heard a scuffle and saw movement, but who did what, I was unsure. I heard a pained cry and then a loud crunch.

“Ooh, that did not sound good. What happened?”

“He just broke his fucking arm!”

“And I missed it?”

“Your boyfriend is psychotic,” he snapped, pulling me backward. “I can’t believe this fucking shit.”

I rolled my eyes. “Let me guess, you’re not going to jail either.”

“You’re my ticket out of here. He won’t shoot as long as you’re in my arms.”

“You know, every movie in the history of movies has some scene similar to this. I’ll clue you in. It never ends well for the bad guy.”

It looked like I was going to have to put a stop to this. I thrust his hand away from my head, then kicked my foot back, ramming it into his stomach. He stumbled back a step and then turned the gun on me. I saw the intent in his eyes and dared him to do it.

He pulled the trigger.

A little white flag popped out of the end saying Bang!

“Well, this is awkward,” I chuckled. “Did I forget to mention that wasn’t a real gun?”

Dick’s face drained of color and threw the gun at me, missing me completely, before turning to run. Thumper went racing after him, tackling him to the ground.

“Does he realize the whole place is surrounded?” Slider asked, strolling up beside me.

I shrugged. “Not sure. How’d we do?”

“Could have gone better. You didn’t tell me Woody had an actual gun.”

“Didn’t know.”

He slid his arm around my waist and turned me toward him. My lips were just inches from his, and up this close, I could see one of his eyes properly. I brushed my thumb along his cheekbone, memorizing it all while I still could.

“I fucking love you,” he whispered.

“So romantic,” I grinned, leaning in to press my lips to his. My eyes fluttered shut and our electricity shot through me.

Just as our lips were about to touch, an explosion ripped through the building, rocking the walls and caving in the ceiling. Slider tossed me to the ground, covering my body with his. The whole building was going to come tumbling down around us. Hadn’t we already done this before?

“Goddamnit, IRIS! It’s over already,” Slider snapped, dragging me to my feet. “We didn’t need a fucking explosion!”

Fox came marching in wearing a band costume while playing an invisible trombone as he sang “Ya Got Trouble” from The Music Man.

FNG followed, using his umbrella as some kind of marching baton and Max pulled up the rear with a cigar and drink in hand. He was not singing or dancing, thankfully. That would have been too much to take.

Fox finished off his song and held his arms out wide, waiting for an applause that never came. As he looked around, he frowned, “Wait, what’s going on? Did I miss my entrance?”

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