Page 14 of The Alpha

When I looked up at him, only a second passed before he moved over to where I was and sat beside me. “This place. The club.Him.” My voice cracked on that last part. “You—Knox—were all so deep in the MC life. I knew there wasn’t anything you guys wouldn’t do to get to the end goal.”

“Kelsie, that’s our life. You knew this from the very beginning.”

I nodded. “Yeah, but then I got with Knox, and I saw all the violence and brutality, and how savage it was to be the significant partner of someone in the club.”

“He didn’t hurt you, di?—?”

I cut him off by shaking my head. “God, no. He’d never hurt me.”

I felt and saw Carter relax.

“I know how loyal youallare, so ready to bleed for the MC and everyone they hold close.” I shook my head again, gathering my thoughts. “I felt like… if I stayed, that darkness would consume me, and I’d fall down a hole I’d never be able to crawl out of.”

He stayed quiet and listened, but his jaw was clenched.

I squeezed my eyes shut. “I never told him this, but one time, I came to the clubhouse late. I don’t even remember why I did. But I saw Knox carrying a dead body to a van and tossing it in the back. I stayed hidden and just watched.” I cleared my throat, remembering that night. “I followed them, Carter.”

“Fuck, Kels,” he cursed, and I felt his tension.

“I saw Knox bury that body with his bare hands. I heard him talking shit to the corpse.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I know the asshole he killed wasn’t a good guy, but hearing Knox replay what he’d done, picturing it, was like a hot knife in my chest.”

“I’m sorry you had to see that shit, Kelsie, but you shouldn’t have been sneaking around. Things are kept from you for your own safety.”

I nodded. “I saw what Knox was capable of. What he was willing to do for the club.” I looked at my brother. “I wasn’t even shocked. I wasn’t scared. I wasterrified, because I knew I could easily… accept it all, no matter what.”

“Did you tell Knox any of this?”

I nodded but then shrugged. “In a way, yes. I didn’t admit I watched him bury that man. I told him all but that though.”

Carter nodded and gave a grunt of acknowledgement. “Probably for the best. Knox doesn’t want you to see that shit.”

I stared at my brother, knowing I had only told him the first part of my story.

“You loved him,” Carter said, more a statement than a question.

“I do. Very much. So much it made my chest ache. But caring for a man like Knox felt like loving a deadly weapon.”

He exhaled through his nose. “So, you ran.”

I nodded but didn’t respond.

“I don’t fault you.”

“I couldn’t breathe here anymore,” I whispered.

Carter looked at me for a long time, gaze soft and loving. “And now you’re back.”

I nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

“And why did you come back?”

“Because I was tired of running. I felt just as lost and empty all these years later as I did when I first ran. More, actually. Because I was alone.” I thought about the life I’d made on my own. It had been pointless and empty. I worked and went home, repeating the process day in and day out. I had friends, but they weren’t genuine. “I lost myself out there, trying to pretend I didn’t miss home. Didn’t miss you. And even if this place still scares the hell out of me sometimes… I missed it. I missedme.”

His eyes searched mine. “And so you came home.” He didn’t wait for me to respond. “But that’s not the real reason, is it?”

I hesitated. “No.”

“Tell me, little sister.” Carter’s voice was soft, gentle even.

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