Page 117 of Point of No Return

Aleks raises a brow and swivels in his seat, mug midway to his mouth. He sets it down and stares at me for a long moment. His face says it all:What the hell are you talking about?

He humors me. “Like after death?”

“At all. Do you think someone can go back from what they’ve done?”

He scrubs a hand down his face as he thinks. “You ask all the tough questions before bed?” he teases, but I watch him, unblinking, awaiting his answer. “Geez, Charlotte. I don’t know. Do you believe in a god? I feel like that’s a question better suited to them.”

“Maybe it is.”

Another chill settles in my gut, and I have to force myself to look away from him so he doesn’t see the dread clearly written across my face. I know my answer. I’ve known it for a long time now, but I can’t wait around to truly find out.

He leans forward, smiling weakly. “Is this about my brother?”

“What?”

“Because we’ve all had to do some bad shit to stay afloat. The family business isn’t exactly-”

“This isn’t about Skar. Or- Or anything like that.”

His brows knit together, bright eyes assessing me carefully. “Then what is it about?”

It’s probably the first serious question he’s ever asked me, and my heart knots with guilt as he looks at me. He has no idea what’s about to happen.

My smile is forced. It’s a mask hiding every dark, deep foot of the grave I’m digging for myself. There will be no going back.

“Nothing. I’m just being silly.” I can tell from the way his eyes narrow that he doesn’t believe me, so I sell it further. “I’m serious. I don’t know why I was thinking about it. Probably thinking about kicking helpless dogs or something.”

“I think you definitely have a chance at heaven if you repent now.”

“Shut up.” I shove him, and he smiles again, the easy carefree Aleks back. He finishes the last of his coffee as the wind gently breezes past us.

The evening is mild, the air warm, the sky dusted with clouds. I sent the servants away an hour ago, but the steaming pot of coffee remains at the corner of the patio table. Having a coffee before bed has become a habit as of late.

“Viserion isn’t quite so lonely with you here,” Aleks smiles from the corner of my eye, but it’s interrupted by a yawn. Then another. My heart picks up. “Damn, I feel tired all of a sudden.” He shakes off the sudden wave of deliria, and I crack a bit more as his eyes struggle to stay open. “I should-” he stands, and I jump out of my seat.

“Aleks, don’t-”

He stumbles, weakly grabbing hold of my arm. “What did you…” Realization floods him, but the coffee has already done its damage.

Guilt is heavy in my gut. He collapses against me, his full weight hitting me so hard I can’t stand. We both fall into the table. Dishware shatters on the ground around us, and I curse as I take the brunt of Aleks’ fall. But he’s already gone, his eyes closed, his body limp.

“Shit,” I curse, gently pushing him off of me and sitting upright. I cup his cheek as I look down at him. He doesn’t deserve this.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m telling him as I close my eyes and press a kiss to his head. A lone tear slips down my cheek, and I quickly wipe it away as I stumble back.

Out, leave.

My mind is forcing my body into action but everything is distant. Groggy. Cold. This will forever be my fault.

I don’t know how I make it to the room, but I’m stumbling around in search of the bag I packed.

Bed. Under the bed.

I sink to my knees, reaching and grabbing the duffle. I yank it out, hating the tears that cloud my vision.

Dammit. Dammit, this can’t be happening. I force myself to reach into the bottom of the bag, feeling for the flimsy piece of paper I found in the bottom of a photo box in Venine.

The memory alone starts a new wave of crying. My cheeks are wet with tears, and I clamp my hands over my mouth to stop the sobs that threaten to spill out of me.

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