Page 90 of Point of No Return

The blade was an extension of my arm, a continuation of sinew meeting movement, but as I carved the shape into the air for the thousandth time, my muscles gave way. I collapsed, the blade falling into the sand beneath the shallow water.

Eva sighed, and as my hair came unraveled and fell forward, she walked around me and kneeled.

She lifted my face. “You are here for one reason and one reason only,” she said, frowning down at me. “And in that, you have never been anything but disappointing.”

I will never be what Camila would have been.

I knew better than to apologize. Apologies only made her angry. “I will be better.”

My mother stroked my face, smelling strongly of sea and salt and earth. “I only wish that were true.”

“What-”

The cool water came over my face. A comfort, a relief from the heat, at first. But then her hands were at the back of my neck, and my air was gone. I was thrashing, struggling to lift my head above the waves, but she held me under. The water was inside my mouth and then it was down my throat, and I was sealing my lips shut just to keep the weight of it away from my lungs.

But then my breath was gone. My last inhale was pure fire. And then there was only peace. The absence of mind, of thought, of body. It took all of forty-five seconds for me to become nothing at all.

I was not a future. I was not a legacy. But I was not a disappointment, a failure, any longer. In death, what was and will be ceases to exist. There is only peace. I have never felt anything like it since.

Neither of the boys have said a word about the river since we’ve gotten back. Maybe because I hardly allow either of them to get a word in before I scamper off. Because I can’t stop thinking about it. Thinking about it makes it real.

It isn’t often that I think about that day on the beach in Prevya. The memory of it once felt distant. But after falling into the river… The memories are back.

I remember the water. I remember inhaling salt until my chest burned. Sometimes it’s easier to choose not to remember than to think about how I clawed myself out of that water. It’s easier not to think about struggling while my mother held me under… but I can still remember the taste of drowning.

The day after we’ve unpacked, I immediately text Liv. When Aleks and Skar both leave for work, I request a car to pick me up at the front of Viserion. A car pulls around in less than ten minutes, and I’m dressed in less than five. It’s not until the car door pops open that I consider how my plan came together a bit too easily.

Crew steps out, smiling as wide as ever and offering a hand to help me into the car.

“Char,” he greets, seemingly amused at my slight frown. “Don’t tell me you’re upset to see me.”

I climb inside, unsurprised when he slides in beside me. “Of course not. I figured my husband hadn’t loosened the noose any.”

Crew cocks another grin. “It was me or a full protective detail. I talked him into this.”

“Hmm… are you telling me you requested to spend time with me?” I flutter my eyelashes at him but my smile drops. “Charmed. Truly but you’re full of shit.”

A boisterous laugh escapes him, shaking his shoulders. “You’re really hurting my ego here.”

“I’m well-aware of the rules,” I tell him, adding: “Thank you. I prefer you over a full detail any day.”

He grins, buckling in as the car pulls out of the driveway. “I know.”

We’re sitting at the bar and everyone within a ten foot radius is steering clear of us. I’m sipping some fruity little drink from a straw, surveilling the nearby patrons as Crew silently keeps watch next to me. He ordered a drink for the sake of appearances, but it remains untouched despite the fact that he spins the glass with his thumb ever so often.

Through the crowd, I spot her golden locks as she dodges people that stumble their way toward the bar.

“Liv!” I call, and she locks eyes with me, smiling as she shoves her way through.

She pulls me into a hug when she sees me, and for a moment, I’m frozen. Her sunshine scent hits me in a wave, and I wrap my arms around her tightly, my heart clenching in my chest.

“New rule: No less than bi-weekly check-ins. For sanity and peace of mind,” she pulls back, squeezing my hands.

“Only bi-weekly?” The corner of her mouth curves up, and as if she’s suddenly aware we have an audience, her eyes flicker toward Crew. “This is Crew. Head of Security at Viserion and Skar’s…” I glance at him quickly, unsure of what to call him. “Well, I don’t know.”

I see the slight frown on her face- a crack in her usual glittering facade. “Yes. We met at the wedding actually,” she plops down into the seat next to me and calls the waiter over.

Odd, I cast a questioning look over at Crew only to find him watching her with this unreadable expression on his face.What the-

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