“I mean… since you left.”
He reared back like she had slapped him, suddenly causing her to feel like she had done something wrong. Truth be told, there were a lot of things she hadn’t done since he went to prison. Certain things felt sacred to their friendship, and she wouldn’t have felt right doing them with him behind bars. In some ways, she subconsciously forced herself to do his bidwith him because she was such an empath. Her mind literally couldn’t allow her to enjoy the thingstheyused to enjoy when there was no way he could enjoy them for the foreseeable future. She shrugged, her eyes bouncing around the kitchen.
“Look at me.”
“Kyd…”
“What else?”
“What else, what?” she asked, squirming in her seat.
“What else have you deprived yourself of?”
She smiled sheepishly at him. “I plead the fifth.”
He blew out a long breath before his chin hit his chest. “I never wanted you to do that bid with me, P. How many times did I tell… beg you to keep living?”
“It wasn’t that simple.”
And just like that, those pesky tears were back, and this time, they couldn’t be held back.
He grabbed her by the shoulders, forcing her to look at him. “It was, though. I lost so much while behind bars… so fucking much. I lost myself. I’m self aware enough to understand I’m not the same person coming out as I was going in. The last thing I wanted to do was lose you too.”
“You didn’t lose me,” she said. Her words rushed out of her to reassure him. “I’m right here, Kyd. You’ll never lose me.”
She grabbed one of his hands from her shoulder and squeezed it, hoping to convey the intensity of her words through her touch.
“I can’t tell.”
She felt like she’d been punched in the gut. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she looked at him. Her heart completely shattered. His words made her feel like she had failed him, and that was the absolute last thing she ever wanted to do.
With her voice wavering, she asked, “How can you say that? I’m here. I’ve been here. I?—”
This time, he squeezed her hand, and his brown eyes softened, showing her a glimpse of the old Kydrick. Her heart warmed slightly, but she still felt an ache there as she tried to understand what he was saying to her.
“I don’t know anything about your life aside from the fact that you’re a lawyer. All we’ve talked about for the past twelve years was me and my situation and the case. That’s it. After a while, I assumed you just didn’t want to talk about your life because you figured it might bother me, so I let it go. Either that, or I thought maybe you had a man…”
“Kydrick,” she said with a gasp. “I don’t have a man. I mean… I’ve dated, but I don’t have a man.”
And then she clamped her mouth shut because she felt a ramble coming along, and the last thing she wanted to do was make a fool of herself by explaining her love life, or lack thereof, over the years.
He chuckled, giving her a glimpse of his smile and dimples. She swooned, but did her best to focus on his words.
“My point is, I feel like you’ve lost yourself in me, Pooh, and I don’t like that shit, so I need you to promise me something, aight?”
“What?” she asked apprehensively.
“Let me help you find yourself again. Please? I’ve spent a long time thinking about how to pay you back for everything you’ve done for me, and I honestly don’t think it can be done, but this is the one thing I kept coming back to. We can make memories together and learn to live our lives to the fullest together. Just promise me you’ll rediscover yourself along with me. I don’t plan on wasting time now that I’m out. There’s so much I want to do, and I want you by my side when I do it.”
Paisley offered him a small smile, wiping her wet cheeks and nodding. His words touched her. It showed her that even while behind bars, he not only paid attention to her, but he spent timethinking about her. Lord knows she spent a lot of time thinking about him.
“I can do that,” she whispered.
“Good. Let’s start with getting reacquainted with our favorite restaurant.”
“Deal.”
They dug into their food, allowing the comfortable silence to sit between them as they took their first step toward a new life.