Page 29 of Love Set Me Free

“I did. I’ve always owned up to that. The guilt I felt behind that was too immense to keep in. Jaden was just… there. We became friends when we started our freshman year. He was there that night, you know? At the party. And when Kydrick was arrested, he allowed me to cry on his shoulder. One thing led to another…”

“That’s bullshit, and you know it, Janelle. It hadalwaysbeen you, me, and Kyd.Always.You hadmeto lean on. I was fucking there. You didn’t need Jaden, and you didn’t need to hurt Kydrick like that. That was a selfish ass choice you made at a shitty ass time.” Paisley’s heart rate picked up, and she felt her skin heat with anger that had been suppressed for far too long. It wouldn’t take much more for her to explode.

“But you weren’t there,” Janelle muttered.

Paisley’s head reared back. “The fuck did you just say? Because I know you didn’t just say I wasn’t there. I’m the one that always held shit down. I was a good friend to you. I know like fuck you aren’t trying to deny that.”

Her finger jabbed at Janelle, but she didn’t dare take a step toward her because Paisley was sure to knock her head off. She shook with rage, and the tears she had been trying to hold back now fell freely.

Janelle stood up quickly, jabbing her own finger in the air and ignoring her falling tears.

“No! Youweren’tthere,” she roared. “Not forme! You weren’t there forme. You were there forhim!”

Silence hung between them as Paisley blinked at her in shock. Finally, she wiped her tears and shook her head before whispering, “That’s not true.”

“But it is, Paisley. I’d just lost my boyfriend to the system, and he had these atrocious claims against him?—”

“False claims!”

“How was I supposed to know that?” Once again, Janelle’s voice elevated in frustration, and Paisley clamped her mouth shut out of complete shock. “I wasn’t there when it happened?—”

“But I was! Kyd didn’t do it, and you know he didn’t.”

“Of course, you were there,” she muttered under her breath.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means exactly what it sounds like. You two were always joined at the hip, but he was my boyfriend.”

Paisley took a step back in offense. “Okay, but you know it wasn’t like that. He’s my best friend just like you were.”

Janelle shook her head. “You don’t get it. You never did.”

“You were my best friend!” Paisley’s words came out in a shriek, cracking with emotion as she swiped at her tears angrily. All the pain she felt toward Janelle spilled out, and she couldn’t stop it from leaking all over her former friend’s lawn. “You were my only female friend. I don’t trust bitches now because of you. Because you abandoned us. You abandonedme.I needed you. I fucking needed you. While you were out getting married, buying this beautiful home, and popping out babies, I was busy fighting tooth and nail to get our best friend out of prison. Fuck everything else. Fuck all of it. That is what hurt me the most. You left me to pick up the pieces.

“You cheated. Fine. Shitty thing to do, but we all mess up. What you should have done was shrug that shit off and stand beside me to still fight for him. Fuck whatever complaining we did. Fuck if we claimed we didn’t want you there. Fuck whatever insults you had coming. You chose to leave us. You leftme. If you would have stayed, I would have forgiven you eventually, but you chose to leave, and that right there is why we could never be friends again.”

Paisley covered her face and sobbed into her hands. She wanted so badly to sit down on the concrete and rock herself to soothe the pain, but she held it together just enough to not embarrass herself in that way.

“I didn’t know how to be there for you after what I did,” she mumbled, her voice cracking as she spoke. “Shame and guilt kept me away, and I was wrong, but I convinced myself you didn’t need me.”

“Well, you were wrong,” Paisley replied, trying to control her tears. “So fucking wrong.”

Janelle lifted her watery eyes and gazed at her with such raw pain, causing Paisley to take another step back. The energy coming off Janelle at the moment was so potent Paisley wanted to run. Her next words completely knocked the wind out of her.

“You love Kydrick. You did even back then. And he… he loved you. I could never measure up to you. The chemistry you guys had was unlike anything he and I ever experienced.”

Paisley shook her head. “That’s not true. We’re grown now, so I’ll admit that I had a secret crush on Kyd for as long as I can remember, but I never allowed that to get in the way of you two. I was crushed when you guys announced that you were dating, but you two were my best friends, pretty much my entire world, and I would have never come between you.”

“You don’t think I know that? I know your heart, Paisley, which is why I could never be mad at you. Not after all these years and probably not ever. You have the kindest most selfless heart I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. When I started realizing how you felt about Kydrick, it tore me apart. Not because I was sad Kydrick and I would never make it but because you were suffering. You did your best to hide it, but I saw you, Paisley. I always saw you, and even though Kydrick didn’t even realize his feelings for you back then, I knew I was only hurting him too.

“I was going to break up with him… before everything happened. I had made up my mind that I was going to bow out gracefully and let you two naturally figure things out. I knew I would rather that than lose my best friends by being the wedge that stood between them.

“And then he was accused of such terrible things, and Paisley, I didn’t know what to think. There were so many emotions, and I never really thought he did it. You have tobelieve me when I say that, but my emotions were at an all time high. Life with a man in prison for rape was too much for me. I knew I wasn’t built to withstand that test, but I knew you could. Cheating was never part of the plan. I fucked up in a major way, and I will live with that regret for the rest of my life, but I have a slice of peace knowing you two had each other, even if I was no longer in the picture. I knew because of you, Kydrick would be alright. He never needed me, Paisley, but healwaysneeded you.”

Tears streamed down Paisley’s face as she took in Janelle’s words. Admittedly, she hadn’t been as selfless as everyone claimed. She didn’t care to see Janelle’s side of the story. Paisley assumed she’d done a good job of hiding her feelings all those years ago, but now, she realized that assumption had been wrong. She couldn’t imagine how Janelle must have felt when she realized her best friend was in love with her man.

After wiping her tears, Paisley looked down the street toward Janelle’s parents’ house. The ghost of a memory tugged at her. She could still see the blue plastic kiddie pool Paisley, Kydrick, and her would swim in when they were toddlers as their parents stood around the grill and sipped on hard seltzers and beers.

---