Page 35 of Love Set Me Free

“Maybe. So… you’re leaving?”

Kydrick looked out the window at his Jeep that was filled with the clothes and other items she bought him. His eyes found hers again before he nodded. “I think it’s best, Pooh. I found a nice spot not too far from here. Can you believe I finally got my own shit?”

Paisley saw the excitement dancing in his eyes, and underneath her sadness, she felt joy for him too. Pride swelled within her, solidifying this transition their relationship was going through.

“I’m proud of you,” she whispered.

He looked into her eyes for several seconds as if he was looking for something. “You know I’m not leaving you, right?”

She smiled sadly and patted his hand, which now rested on the couch between them. “You are, but it’s okay. I promise I understand.”

“I’m not, though. You think I can leave you? You’re the most important person to me.”

She shook her head. “It isn’t that simple.”

“Why can’t it be?”

“Because I can’t keep putting my feelings to the side, Kydrick. I love you. I have wanted to know what it’s like to be your woman since before I was even a woman. I can’t keep putting my feelings on hold for everyone else. I can’t keep doing this to myself. I can’t…”

“You can’t what?”

“I can’t continue to be your friend and pretend like you aren’t the love of my life.” A tear slipped out of her eye.

Kydrick let out a long breath and ran a hand down his face in frustration. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this, man.”

“I think we both know better than anyone that life doesn’t really care about the plans we make. God always has the final say.”

Kydrick turned to her completely, grabbing both her hands and staring intently into her eyes.

“This isn’t the final say.”

When she tried pulling away with a rebuttal to his words, he held her tighter and forced her to look at him again.

“No. Listen to me. I need time. I can’t deny myself that, Paisley. I need to learn how to be a man in the free world. I have to. Even if you don’t understand it, this is not the end. It’s not.”

Tears now gathered in his eyes, breaking Paisley’s heart. She’d rarely seen Kydrick cry. After everything he’d been through, seeing him tear up because of her did something to her. It made her want to make things better for him, like she always did, but she refrained. She’d been serious about putting herself first, and she knew this was the start of standing on that.

“If you say so,” she replied, not fully convinced.

To her, it felt like the end. It felt like the hardest thing she ever had to do—stand on business when it came to Kydrick. She promised herself that she would push through no matter what.

He rubbed her cheek, collecting another one of her free-falling tears with the pad of his thumb.

“You have to understand that I’m no good for you right now.”

She pulled out of his grasp this time and glared at him. “Stop saying that stupid shit. It’s not true. I would have been with you before you had a car or a place of your own or a penny to your name, back when we were just kids. What makes this so different?Youare all I’ve ever wanted, and you thinking that isn’t good enough, thatyouaren’t good enough, pisses me off. You areeverything. You are the stars, the moon, and the sun. You are the air I breathe. You have kept me going for as long as I can remember. It breaks my heart that you can’t see that.”

“Maybe that’s the problem,” he whispered, a tear slipping out of his eye. “I’m all you see, and in my eyes, that’s not good enough. I want it to be, though, and that’s why I need to leave.”He chuckled sadly. “Do you want to know why I went to go see Janelle? It was so I could make sure I was no longer in love with her. I needed to speak to her privately and see if there was anything there. When we met at that restaurant, I realized there never was anything there. It was always you, Paisley, and deep down, I knew that. Janelle did too. We both agreed that we should have stayed friends, and you and I should have been the ones to date back then. I would have never made that first move, though.”

“Why?” Paisley had started to wonder if there was something wrong with her. Why would he choose Janelle all those years ago knowing deep down he wanted her?

Kydrick slid down onto his knees and in between her legs, so she had nowhere else to look. He wanted his words to resonate with her in the worst way. Their eyes held each other as he spoke.

“Because you were always too good for me. You were the best of the three of us. Neither me nor Janelle deserved you. That’s what me and Janelle spoke about when we went to lunch, and that is why I was able to forgive her so easily. She and I were never meant to be. It was always us, so like I said, this is not the end. If you can’t be my friend while I figure this shit out, I won’t be selfish anymore. I won’t hold you so closely out of fear that you’ll slip away and realize I’m no good for you.

“But I’ll pray every night for our reunion. I’ll dream every night of the day that I get to be back between your legs, my new safe space. I’ll pray for you. I’ll crave your presence every second that we’re apart. When I feel like I’m good enough, like I have the world to offer you, Paisley, I’m coming back for you. Do you hear me? I’m coming for you, and I’m not letting up. When I come back, I’ll apply all the pressure, and I’ll give myself to you wholly. When I come back, I’ll make you my wife.”

Tears streamed down her face at his words. She yearned for everything he said, but she felt defeated because in order to get to those moments, he had to leave first. That hurt her the most. She had to endure more time away from him, and she couldn’t agree with that pain. It had been entirely too much on her for most of her life, and she felt tired now. Too weak to keep fighting for their union, all she could do was nod and cry, wishing like hell she could snap her fingers and time jump to happier days.

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