Page 53 of Mr. Charming

“It looked really rough,” Rowan says.

I want to tell them about Bud’s plans, that he doesn’t know if he wants to keep me. Even if I know what they’ll say—that he’s crazy, that I’ve still got it, that I’m not going anywhere. I could tell Conor and Rowan, but it won’t do any good. In this industry, you have to be worried about yourself, as sad as that is.

I once thought differently, until I was traded to Nashville. Sure, my teammates felt bad for me, but they all stayed in Florida. I don’t blame my Florida friends for staying loyal to the team. It just really sucked to feel so left out, the one left behind. Reminded me too much of my childhood. Being the one who was pushed out never sat well with me. So if it happens here in Chicago too, I might as well retire. Fuck, just thinking about that six-letter word causes my heart to beat erratically.

“Thanks for letting me take her home and for waiting,” I say.

Rowan puts his hand on my shoulder. “You don’t have to thank us.”

“First you sat by her most of the flight, then you took her home. Are you changing your plan?” Conor asks.

“What plan?” I frown.

“Well, first you tried to hate her, then you decided to act like you were five years old on the playground, and now you’re being protective.”

I can’t say Conor doesn’t have a point. “There’s just this past I can’t erase between us, and it fucks with my head.”

“My ceiling has been really quiet,” Rowan says, his sly way of saying I haven’t brought anyone home with me.

“For how long?” Conor asks him.

“Funny thing, since that brunette we just dropped off arrived in town.” Rowan leans forward, so he’s right next to my ear. “What do you have to say about that?”

I shake my head at the shit they’re insinuating, but they’re not wrong. “I can’t.”

“I think it’s more that you don’t want to.” Rowan leans back in the seat.

“It’s okay. But you have a boyfriend to contend with,” Conor says.

I think about it for a second. He’s right. Decker Davis feels like the death of me right now. But even if he wasn’t in the picture, I’m not sure Tedi would let me in again.

“What do you want?” Rowan asks, voice serious. “From her.”

I sigh. I’ve never been good at talking about my feelings. Hell, it’s the reason I put Kane out of my life the minute he traded me. I couldn’t show him how hurt I was by that decision. Stupid or not, trades happen, yes, but they felt like family to me. My therapist from when I was younger and Tedi are the only people I’ve ever felt comfortable knowing how fucked up I am.

I think about Tedi. Besides my mom and sister, she was the first woman to come into my life and love me for me—all the messed-up pieces included. I want her to find happiness, even if I’m not the guy. Even if it feels like a twisting knife in the gut.

So, I answer truthfully. “I want her to be happy.”

“And if Decker Davis makes her happy?” Conor asks.

“Well, I’m not going to go stop her wedding or anything like your dumb ass.”

Conor and Rowan grunt from my need to always deflect with an insult or humor when I don’t want to face something.

“Then I’ll survive. If Decker Davis is the one she wants, I’ll step aside.”

They might not understand my decision. They probably think I should fight for her. But why would I upend her life, put her in turmoil, and ruin her happiness? If I did that, then I never really loved her in the first place.

Neither of my friends says anything, but I don’t care.

I mean it, if she’s happy and I’m not, I can live with myself knowing she is.

Twenty-Seven

Tedi

The schedule has been grueling, and I’m about done with this travel thing. I remember it being hard when Tweetie traveled and how much he didn’t want to go and craved being home. I understand it on a whole different level now.

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