Page 58 of Behind the Bars

She started to shut her eyes, and I shookher.

“Son,” was barked my way, forcing me from my thoughts. My recent memories were on replay in my tangledmind.

“Son,focus!”

I shot my eyesopen.

Two officers stood across from me as I sat on a bench in the hospital hallway. One was mute with a notepad, and the other talkative with no notetaking. He was the one who kept calling me son, even though I wasn’t hisson.

“Son, I need you to understand, we need all the information that you can give us. We need every detail about what happened. What you saw. Do you understand,son?”

I’m not yourson.

I stared forward at the wall, blinking every now and then. A light kept flickering down the hallway, and each time it flickered, I twitched.Please stop flickering.My hands were shaky, my throat dry. Each time I swallowed it felt like cuts against mywindpipes.

“Son, please. The sooner we get this information, the sooner we can move forward with thisaccident.”

“It it it i…” I murmured, blinking my eyes shut. “It wa-wasn’twasn’t…”

“Come on, then. Spit it out,” he urged me. “What were they wearing? How many of them were there? Did you have any relation with them? Do you know theirnames?”

My body started to rock back and forth, and when my eyes opened, I was staring down at my ripped, bloody knuckles. Covered in both my blood and mysister’s.

I blinked my eyes shut oncemore.

No.

No.

No…

Tears streamed down my face as acid rose from my stomach and landed in mythroat.

I wasn’t strong enough. She was dead because ofme.

“Maybe we should take a break, Kenny,” the mute cop spoke. “Wait till his mom gets here. He’s inshock.”

“But,” Officer Kennystarted.

“Just a break,” the other said, cutting in. “I think he needsit.”

When they walked away, I went back to staring at the wall as the light continued to flicker aboveme.

Please stopflickering.

“Elliott,” Mom cried, rushing into the hospital waiting room toward me. I’d been staring intensely at my bloody hands, shaky as I waited for her to arrive. The moment I saw her, I stood from my seat. TJ wasn’t many steps behindher.

“I-I-I-I-” My lips parted as my shaking grew. No words could form in my head, or my heart as I tried to apologize to my mom. I tried to craft words to beg her to forgive me, to understand my mistake. “I-I-I…”

No.

No.

No…

I needed words, but I couldn’t grasp them. I needed air, but no breath wasthere.

I was dizzy. I was nauseous. I was broken. I waslost.

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