Page 143 of Eleanor & Grey

“What are you doing here?” she cried, pulling away from me. Her eyes were bloodshot from crying, and I touched my hands against her face. I felt every inch of her head. I touched every inch of her, making she sure was okay.

“Kar…” I couldn’t speak the moment I felt her pocket. I went to reach into it, and my heart split in half as I pulled out a bottle of her prescription pills and stared at them in my hand. Then I looked to Karla.

Her body began to shake.

Her lips trembled.

My heart shattered.

“What are you doing with these, Karla?” I asked, my voice low, so low so she couldn’t hear the fear feeding on my soul.

“Dad…”

“Karla. What were you going to do with these pills?” I asked again.

Her eyes welled up and a flood of emotions spilled out of her as she began sobbing uncontrollably into the palms of her hands. “I hate this!” she hollered. “I hate all of this. I hate being me. I hate being alone. I hate how much I miss Mom. I hate how hard everything is. I hate myself so much, Dad. I hate this world. I wasn’t going to do it, though, Dad. I promise, I wasn’t. I just…” Her words became so jumbled up, and every piece of me shattered as I watched my daughter fall apart. “I’m tired, Dad. I’m tired.”

I wrapped her tightly in my arms and held on for dear life. “I got you, Karla. I got you. Just you, Lorelai and me, okay? From this point on.”

“Just the three of us?” she asked with wonderment in her eyes.

“Yeah. Just the three of us. There is no one, and I mean no one, more important to me than you and your sister. You are my world, Karla. You are my complete, and only world.”

I meant that down to the deepest parts of my soul.

I’d give up my world for my daughters.

I’d surrender it all if it meant their hearts would be okay.

54

Eleanor

Later that night, Greyson came knocking at the front door of the guesthouse. I waited there until I knew Karla was all right—there was no way I’d be able to drive home without knowing. As I opened the door, I wrapped my arms tightly around my body. “Hey, is she okay?”

“Yes and no,” he commented, looking down to the ground. “Claire is over there with her right now, and we’re looking up some treatment centers for her mental health. She, um—” he swallowed hard “—she had a bottle of pills with her, Ellie. She didn’t take any of them, but I think she thought about it. It turns out some bullies at school told her to kill herself.”

“Oh, my gosh, Grey…” I couldn’t wrap my head around how people could be so cruel. Where did humans learn to be so dark? How could those words ever leave anyone’s lips?

“Everything she’s been through on top of seeing you and me together, I think that was her breaking point. I can’t have her struggle anymore, Ellie, which is why I’m asking if you could…”

“It’s fine,” I told him, cutting him off. “I know it’s not good for her health for me to be here, so I’ll find a new place to work, Grey.”

“I just want you to know all this was more than a job, Ellie…you were more than the nanny.”

“I know, but it’s okay. Karla matters most. When I lost my mom, there was one big thing that kept me going each day, and I’m sure it will save Karla from drowning, too.”

“And what’s that?”

“You. It was you, Greyson. And who knows? Maybe this is our thing. Maybe we come together when we need each other most, and then we move on again.”

“Yeah, maybe. There were moments when I thought we could be us again, though. But like, more than us. A new kind of us where falling together would be our norm.”

I smiled. “Yeah, me, too.” Dream a little dream with me.

“But the truth is, I’m not okay because I can’t be okay if my daughters aren’t. Honestly, I don’t know when we’ll be okay, but I’m working on it, Ellie. I’m working on bringing my family back together. And then, I want to find you again.”

My body began to shake as he said those words. “Grey…”

---