I laughed. “You’re always surrounded by people. I doubt you even know what loneliness feels like.”
His brows lowered and he brushed his thumb against his nose. His stare moved to his almost empty bowl of ice cream. “You ever stand in a crowded space and feel like no one knows a single thing about you?” he asked. “Everyone talks about you in a way that feels so phony. Everything they know about you is random lies they made up in their own heads, but they don’t really know you. They just know the fictional character they created. That’s what loneliness is—living in world where no one really sees you.”
Wow.
He just described my entire high school experience.
“Well, maybe you do know what it feels like,” I said.
“So, what do you say? Are you in?” he asked, clasping his hands together.
“Yes,” I quickly replied, and I didn’t care how fast the word flew out of my mouth, didn’t care how eager I sounded. “Yeah, I’m in.”
He smiled.
I liked it.
Whatever.
“All right. I’ll come up with a list of things we can do! I think it will be a lot of fun.” He truly appeared excited, which made me excited, too.
We finished our ice cream, and then he walked me home. I was glad Greyson had a chatty personality, because there were so many times I ran out of things to say. He was great at keeping the conversation going strong.
“Thanks for coming today, Ellie. I had a really great time,” he told me, shifting around in his Nikes.
“Yeah, I did, too.”
“How about we meet up next Wednesday?”
“It’s a date,” I said, then I felt my cheeks heat up. “I mean, not like a date-date, but like, you know…just two people hanging out...I didn’t mean like—”
“It’s a date.” Greyson smirked, smooth as ever. “I’ll talk to you later. Also stay off the internet, will you?”
He turned to walk away, but I called after him.
“Yeah?” he questioned.
“I just wanted you to know I see you, you know, the you that the rest of the world doesn’t see.”
He scrunched up his nose and rubbed the back of his neck. “Good, because I see you, too.”
I’d spent so much time hiding in the shadows. I’d avoided people, because it felt safe being invisible. If I was invisible, people couldn’t judge me. If I was invisible, people couldn’t laugh in my face. I always thought that was the right choice—to stay hidden.
That afternoon my thoughts slowly shifted in a new direction, because Greyson took the time to look my way.
Who knew being seen could feel so good?
6
Greyson
Mom and Dad were fighting again. It was late into the night and I had nowhere to escape to, so I locked myself in my bedroom and put my headphones on, turning up my music real high. It was almost impossible to drown them out, but I tried my best to do it.
As I sat in my bed, staring at my ceiling, I thought about ideas of things Eleanor and I could do when we hung out again. I thought about places she might like to see, and things she might like to do.
I tried to figure out foods she could eat with braces, so she wouldn’t be annoyed when I devoured pizza. I thought about if maybe I should bring her flowers to make her day a little better, but then I thought maybe she didn’t like flowers. Not all girls liked flowers, though a majority of them did.
Then I thought about her smile.