Page 46 of Eleanor & Grey

But I wasn’t.

Every single part of me ached.

Nothing can prepare a person for death.

You can’t speed past the hurt to reach the closure.

You are simply overtaken by sorrow. Grief shows its face and it unforgivingly drowns you, and for a while, you wonder if staying under the water would be better than ever breathing again.

When my mother took her last breath, I wanted to take my last one right there beside her, but I knew that wasn’t what she had wanted. She wanted me to emerge from the darkness, to swim again.

And I would.

Just not that night.

That night, heartbreak won the battle as I steadily fell apart.

16

Greyson

FROM: [email protected]

TO: [email protected]

DATE: May 1, 4:33 PM

SUBJECT: Sorry

I ran into Shay at school today, and she told me about your mom. She said she and her mom were heading down to Florida to help your dad and you out. I’m sorry, Ellie. I’m so damn sorry and I know that doesn’t do anything or change anything, but I just wanted you to know. There’s not a day that passes that I don’t think about you guys, about you. I just wish there were something more I could do.

I remember when my grandpa died, I just sat around, uncertain of what to do. I’d never lost anyone before, and it fucked me up for a good minute. People told me to pull myself together and man up about it. “Death happens, kid. Better get used to it,” my uncle Tommy said. “Real men don’t cry,” my dad echoed.

I think that’s bullshit, though.

Be fucked up for a good minute.

Don’t pressure yourself to feel better until you’re ready.

I just wanted you to know I’m sorry.

She was what every kid dreamed of having as a parent. I know I did a million times over.

I’m just really fucking sorry.

-Grey

FROM: [email protected]

TO: [email protected]

DATE: May 2, 2:02 AM

SUBJECT: Re: Sorry

Grey,

It’s two in the morning and everything hurts. By everything, I mean every single thing.

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