Page 60 of Eleanor & Grey

I didn’t reply. There wasn’t much to say, and I wasn’t one to engage in conversations that didn’t matter. Eleanor was the nanny. It was a done deal. There was no need to rehash it over and over again.

“She seems wonderful,” Claire commented, because she never got the hint when I wanted to be left alone. Or, perhaps she did, but she worried too much about what I went through when I was left with only my thoughts.

“She mentioned you knew each other? When you were younger?”

My body tensed up, and I fiddled with the cuffs on my suit. “Long time ago.”

“Yes, but it’s always nice to be reintroduced to someone from your past.”

I had no comment about that either. I didn’t know what it meant that Eleanor Gable had been the woman to walk into my library that afternoon. I hadn’t even allowed myself to really think about the concept of her reentering my life. All I knew was that she had the best resume out of everyone I’d seen that day, and I had more important work to get to back at my actual office.

I cleared my throat. “I have to get to work. I’ll probably be late heading home, too. After you pick up the girls, can you call in the babysitter to come over and watch them?”

Claire frowned, and I hated it.

She had her daughter’s frown, too.

I hadn’t known it was possible to miss a person’s frown until hers had been ripped away from me.

“Grey…” Her breathy voice spoke my way.

I turned to my right, and Nicole’s forehead lay on the exploded airbag.

I blinked my eyes shut as Nicole came rushing back to me. It felt more and more like drowning every time it happened.

Grief was strange, how it snuck up on you, how it showed up even when you tried your hardest to avoid it. I’d kept busy because I didn’t want to mourn. I didn’t want to face a world where she no longer lived, but the grief appeared quietly, at random moments, even though I tried my best to drown it out. It came at me sharply with the realization of what had happened. My chest tightened as pain flooded every part of my soul.

“Greyson,” Claire said, her voice soft and filled with concern as she placed a hand on my forearm, shaking me away from my darkness.

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay, son?” she asked, knowing very well that I wasn’t.

But I lied.

I always lied.

“I’m fine. I’ll check in later, and make sure Allison emails Eleanor with all the details about the position. Thank you, Claire, for showing up today.”

“Of course, sweetheart. I’ll always show up,” she promised.

She didn’t lie.

She never lied.

I inhaled deeply and pushed away the emotions trying to slip out from within me.

I wouldn’t allow the tears.

I didn’t want to mourn.

I didn’t want to feel.

I didn’t want to face the fact that she was gone.

So, I did the only thing I knew how to do. I went to work, and I drowned out the wildness of my mind that tried to swallow me whole every second of every day.

24

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