Page 64 of Eleanor & Grey

Her bedroom was covered in her artwork. She’d gotten the artistic skills from her mother, that was for sure. Her breaths were quiet as she slept heavily with her body balled up in a knot. I went over to her, as I did each night, and took off her butterfly wings. She grumbled and twisted a little before falling back asleep.

During the day, she was a wild girl. She never went a minute without talking and her energy level was through the roof. At night, though, she was the definition of calm. Her breaths were always so soft and quiet.

I kneeled down beside her and combed her hair behind her ear. I kissed her forehead before heading to Karla’s room next.

She, too, was sleeping, but she had her iPhone lying beside her as her Beats by Dre headphones covered her ears. Whenever I checked on Karla, I first checked her heart beats. She breathed much heavier than her younger sister, and sometimes I swore her breaths took pauses that felt too long.

Or perhaps that was just my worried mind.

Karla Lynn East was born three weeks premature. She was in the NICU for five weeks, suffering from breathing issues. There was a moment we weren’t sure she’d pull through, but from day one, my girl had been a fighter. The day Nicole and I brought Karla home, I sat next to her crib for weeks, counting her breaths. Each inhale and every exhale was marked down in my mind. I had slept on the floor of her nursery each day, making sure her lungs were still rising and falling at a normal pace.

After the accident ten months ago, she punctured a lung which caused her to suffer from shortness of breath. Even though her lung healed, I couldn’t shake my fear away. Therefore, each night I’d check her breathing. I’d beat myself up every time she missed an inhalation, too. If it weren’t for my mistake, she wouldn’t have been suffering so much.

If my eyes would’ve been focused on the road…

Stop it, I told myself.

My brain always wandered on its own to the worst day of my life. I had no control over my own thoughts.

I removed Karla’s headphones, then sat at the foot of her bed, and placed the headphones against my ears. She listened to the same thing every single night, which meant I listened to it every night, too.

I closed my eyes as the recording played.

“I love you, my beautiful Karla,” the audio said in Nicole’s voice repeatedly.

I love you, my beautiful Karla, I love you, my beautiful Karla, I love you, my beautiful Karla…

My wife’s voice echoed on the most beautiful loop. I fiddled with my fingers and lowered my head as I listened to her words.

When it all became too much, I’d place the headphones back on Karla’s ears, kiss her forehead, and head to my own bedroom.

I sat in my darkened room, with no sound except the ticking clock on the wall. Time was moving, and my mind was working against me.

The words kept playing in my mind as I shut my eyes tight and lay down to try to sleep. Though, sleep never came easy.

I hated closing my eyes, because whenever I did, I saw Nicole’s face.

Nightmares had nothing on a cold reality. My current days were hard, but my memories were where I suffered the most.

“Grey…” Her breathy voice spoke my way.

I turned to my right, and Nicole’s forehead lay on the exploded airbag. Her eyes were struck with fear and panic.

I shook my head, shooting my eyes open. I rubbed my hands over my face, trying to shake the real-life nightmare from my mind. There wasn’t a day I didn’t blame myself for not checking on my wife more closely in that car. There wasn’t a day that passed where I didn’t remember every single mistake that I made that night.

So, I headed to my home office that evening. I knew sleep wasn’t going to find me any time soon, so I’d keep working and working to try to drown out the heaviness that was my own soul.

Around one in the morning my phone dinged.

Landon: Go to sleep, buddy.

I tried my best to listen to his request that night, but still, like all the nights that came before, I failed.

26

Eleanor

“Hi, Eleanor, welcome back to the Easts’ property,” Allison greeted as I walked up to join her on the front porch of Greyson’s home. She had been put in charge of giving me a tour and going over all the details of the job with me. We met up on a Saturday afternoon because she thought it would be easier to show me around while the girls were at their grandparents’ house. She wanted me to not be overwhelmed by meeting the girls and touring the property all at once.

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