Page 36 of Landon & Shay: Part Two

“How so?”

Again, silence.

He lowered his head and didn’t say another word.

Geez.When had that happened? When had he stopped letting me in?This wasn’t who we’d been. This wasn’t the love story we’d created. This was a completely different, twisted love that I didn’t recognize anymore.

I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t hold him because he was broken. I couldn’t protect his heart while giving him the freedom to crush mine. I couldn’t save him while surrendering myself.

I refused to be his sacrifice when he refused to let me in.

“You need to leave,” I whispered, the words burning as I pushed them off my lips.

“Shay…” He sighed and ran his hands through his wild mane.

“Don’t say my name if no truths are coming after it.”

More silence.

He stood up and began getting dressed.

Tears burned at the back of my eyes as I studied his body, bent over to pull up his jeans. Yet, I didn’t cry. I wouldn’t give him the gratification of seeing how he hurt me. I wouldn’t give him the pleasure of knowing the effect he had on my soul.

I wouldn’t give him any more of my tears.

I’d already cried enough over the boy who wasn’t ready for me, who would obviously never be ready for this, for us…for the love story we could’ve told.

“Say it’s over,” I said, standing tall even though my body wanted to crumple over.

“What?”

“I want you to say that we are over. I don’t want to make believe that you’re going to show up here again. I don’t want to think there still might be a chance for us to work this out. So, say it. Say it’s over. Say we’re done.”

The corner of his mouth twitched, and he hesitated for a split second. He didn’t even have enough nerve to look me in the eyes. “We’re done, Shay, you and me. Whatever this is, it’s over.”

Even though I’d told him to give me those words, they still pierced me as they were spoken.

That was it. We were done. Landon and Shay were officially over.

Before he left, he looked at me. His blue eyes were so heavy and he looked drained to his core. There was something there, something scary eating at his spirit, and all I wanted to do was hug him. I wanted to pull him in close to me and tell him that everything was going to be okay, but I couldn’t.

We were over, and he was no longer mine to hold.

Besides, he wouldn’t have let me in.

“I love you,” he confessed, and his words stole my breaths away. “I love you so much, Shay, and I’m so sorry I’m this messed up. I wish I could’ve been what you wanted, what you needed, what you deserved, but I can’t do that. I hope you have all the best things in this world come to you. I hope you get every wish you’ve ever wished for. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything in this fucking world, and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry that I hurt you,” he said. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he walked out of the front door. His shoulders were rounded forward, and his hands were stuffed deeply into his pockets.

Oh, Landon.

My chest ached with regret, and worry, and love.

Didn’t he know it? Couldn’t he see? The only thing I’d ever wished for was for him to come back to me. He was my dreams, my hopes, my wishes, and my prayers, and now he was leaving me, and I was letting him go.

He left that night, and I lay in bed, unable to rest at all. The following days moved by slowly, and the knot in my stomach didn’t disappear. I couldn’t shake him from my mind. I couldn’t focus on school, on eating, on anything other than the empty part of my heart that was left after Landon walked away.

There were so many moments where I felt as if I’d made a mistake, as if I was in the wrong to push him away. I knew how his demons ate away at him each night. Who was I to try to rush his healing? Besides, I’d told him to take his time. Even worse, I’d told him to not rush. Yet there I was, with the voices of my own doubts and of others shouting inside my head, telling Landon to hurry up and figure out how to love me and let me in.

I’d made a mistake, a massive, harsh mistake that left me longing for the broken boy I loved.

---