Page 100 of If You Stayed

I should’ve stayed in line, but I couldn’t. Maybe because I was tired. Maybe because I was betrayed. Or maybe because Gabriel was right.

I deserved more.

I didn’t even know more was an option until those words fell from Gabriel’s mouth. I didn’t know I could crave more than imprisonment. I thought the only moments of happinessin my life could come from my time with Ava. I didn’t know I was allowed to feel good except with my daughter.

“It’s fine,” I lied, hugging him back. Afraid that if I let go, he’d grow angry again with me for not forgiving him quickly enough. “It was my fault. It’s fine. I’m okay.”

He pulled back and placed his hand against my stinging cheek. He cupped my face and moved in to kiss it. His touch made my skin crawl in a way I wasn’t certain I could handle. He made me sick. His lips began to move to my lips, and I felt vomit rising in my throat.

“Henry,” I whispered, slightly turning my head.

“Kiss me,” he ordered, his mouth brushing over mine.

“Wait,” I murmured.

“Kiss me,” he repeated. “I love you, Kierra. I love you.”

That broke my heart.

I couldn’t remember the last time those words rolled off his tongue. I didn’t know he knew how to say he loved me anymore. What broke my heart the most was how those words were soaked in lies. If that’s what love was, I didn’t want anything to do with the sentiment. Love wasn’t meant to feel this way.

“I just need to use the bathroom,” I told him. “I just need a moment.”

He held me tight for a second before dropping his hold. His eyes looked empty. When did he lose it? His soul? All I saw was darkness as he stared so deeply into my eyes.

I pushed out a smile. “I’ll be back in a second. Maybe I can meet you in the bedroom?”

Any doubt in his stare faded as he gave a slight nod. “Okay.” I began walking to the bathroom near the foyer. “Kierra?”

“Yes?”

“I’m going to fuck you like I’m sorry tonight.”

He said that as if it were a compliment before he turned to walk to our bedroom.

The moment he rounded the corner and was out of my view, I hurriedly but quietly slid on my shoes, grabbed my keys and purse, and headed out of the house.

I drove off as fast as I could.

I drove for what felt like hours, looping around in circles, uncertain of what to do or where to go. And then I remembered Gabriel’s last words to me.Call me if you need me. No matter what.

I dialed his number.

He answered on the second ring.

***

I drove to his house.

He opened his screen door and stepped onto the porch the moment my car pulled up. The porch light cast a soft glow against his skin as he gave me a look packed with concern. “Hey. You okay?”

I shook my head.

He stepped closer. “Did something happen with Henry…?”

I flinched at the name as my heart pounded painfully against my chest. I swallowed hard as I pushed away the tearswanting to fall. “I was just wondering if you could… Can you…can you hold me?” I whispered, my voice breaking.

Without a second of hesitation, Gabriel wrapped his arms around me. I buried my face in his chest, feeling his warmth engulf me, feeling it comfort the chaos and instability of my mind.

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