Page 121 of If You Stayed

“I love him,” I told her.

“Then go after him. He’s waiting.”

“I can’t,” I whispered, shaking my head. “I want to, Amma. Trust me, I do. But first, I have to make sure my daughter and I are safe.”

Her eyes that matched her son’s blinked a few times. “He’ll wait for you.”

“I can’t ask him to do that.”

“Oh, Kierra… Don’t you see?” She shook her head. “He’s been waiting for you for over twenty years. I have no doubt that he can wait a little bit longer. I can tell him—”

“Please don’t,” I urged. “Don’t say a word, Amma. I don’t want it to be that way. I want him to live as I try to figure out my life. I don’t want him waiting for me until I know I’m able to give him all of me. And if I’m too late, well…that’s something I’ll have to live with.”

That was the thing about love, real love, that is. One had to be willing to let it go in order to not hold the other back fromfinding their joy.

***

After work, I headed home to begin my search for documents and files in Henry’s office. I wanted to find a password to the videos of him abusing me in the home. Knowing how much of a smart house we had, I knew something had to have captured Henry’s abuse toward me. Those videos would go far in court.

My stomach was in knots after I got into the office and began to thumb through his things. The only issue was that everything was password protected and next to impossible to get into. It shouldn’t have surprised me that a tech mogul had a high-level password system set up. Still, I was hoping that I was able to break through something.Anything.

“What the hell are you doing?”

I startled, looking up to find Henry standing in the doorway of his office. The look of shock on his face was heavy as he held a stack of paperwork in his hands. The divorce papers I’d had drawn up and left in the living room. I was going to read through them that night and mark down any changes I needed for my lawyer.

“Henry. What are you doing here?” I nervously asked as I stood from his office chair.

“What are you doing?” he repeated. “And what are these?”

I slowly walked toward him, uncertain of how he’d react. “I didn’t know you were coming home so soon. I was hoping to have everything put together for us to go over after you cameback and—”

“We already talked about this. We aren’t getting a divorce.”

“Yes, we are.”

He narrowed his eyes and glanced around his office. “What were you doing in here? Trying to find ways to fuck me over in court?”

“It’s not that… I just…” I sighed as my stomach knotted up. “I can’t lose Ava, Henry. She’s my world.”

“She’s not yours. She’s mine.”

I shook my head. “She’s not your property. She’s a human, and she wants to be with me.”

The anger that flashed through his eyes made my skin crawl. His nostrils flared with his deep breaths. “You’re trying to ruin me. I bet you want my money, too.”

“No,” I said. “I want nothing from you. You can keep everything. I just want my daughter.”

“My daughter,” he corrected. “Not yours.”

He was blocking the door, my way out. I tried to stay calm because I knew if he saw a moment of fear in me, he’d lean into that even more.

I grimaced as I tried to casually walk past him. “We can talk later. I’m sure you had a long flight and—”

He gripped my wrist and shoved me against the doorframe. I yipped from the pain of my back hitting the door so hard.

“Ouch, Henry!” I murmured, trying to untwist his grip from my wrist. “Let me go.”

“You’re trying to ruin me,” he said, his brown eyes packed with hatred and fear. He smelled like whiskey, and it wasbecoming clear that his trip to China hadn’t gone the way he’d hoped. Now I was the one who was trying to ruin him. Now I was his enemy because he couldn’t attack those who truly let him down. He could only try to hurt me in the shadows.

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