Page 70 of If You Stayed

“I am being serious, Mom! What the heck? Why are there pictures of you with Gabriel all cuddled up with each other? And why are you both pretending that you didn’t have a past together?”

“We aren’t pretending. Well, he’s not pretending. I’m just…” I was just what? Pretending. I was pretending. “It’s complicated, Ava.”

“Then uncomplicate, Mom.” Her eyes were packed with so much confusion, and I couldn’t blame her. “What’s going on?”

I sighed, debating the best way to unpack everything for her. How much was too much to share with a fourteen-year-old girl? It was clear that Ava was very wise for her age, but she was still, in fact, an adolescent. The balance between being a mother and a friend was always up in the air for me, but in that very moment, I went with the only option that felt right—the truth.

I sat back on the edge of her bed. “We grew up next to each other. He was first my enemy, then my friend, then my very best friend, and then…we dated for a short time.”

“Oh my gosh,” she remarked, taking a seat beside me. “Tell me everything.”

So I did. I told her every single memory of the man I once called mine. I told her the ups and downs of our story. And then I told her about the night that changed everything. I told her about Elijah. I told her about the promise I’d made to Amma,even though it made me feel awful. I told her everything and begged her to keep the secret, too, until Amma spoke about it to Gabriel.

By the end of me sharing, Ava had tears in her eyes.

Her hands sat in her lap as she shook her head. “You loved him.”

“Yes, I did.”

“And he loved you.”

“Yes,” I agreed, “he did.”

“And then he just…forgot?”

I nodded. “The accident was terrible. I’m stunned that we made it out of that wreck alive, truly. But Gabriel lost all his memories. He forgot everything about our relationship. His mom had a hard time with it and blamed me for the accident. They moved away shortly after, and I never heard from him again.”

“Until he showed up as Dad’s architect?”

“Yup.”

“And…he still has no clue who you are?”

“Nope.”

“Oh my gosh!” Ava gasped, covering her mouth. “This is someThe Notebookshit.”

“Language, Ava.”

“Mom.” She groaned. “You can’t tell me that the first love of your life doesn’t remember you, but he randomly showed up as your architect years later and expect me not to cuss.”

You know what? Fair.

“It doesn’t matter, really. It was a long time ago, Ava. Ancienthistory. We’ve both moved on with our lives, and we both are happy where we are. That’s all that matters.”

“But, Mom—”

“No buts. We can’t keep looking to the past if we want to make it to the future.”

She frowned and shook her head. “But don’t you kind of wonder what would’ve happened if you two found each other again before meeting Dad? After you saw him, did you daydream a little about the what-ifs?”

Yes.

Repeatedly.

Even five minutes ago.

“No,” I lied. “I let him go the moment he moved away all those years ago. So, we should leave it at that. But it does kill me, him not knowing about his brother. It’s not my place to tell him, and I promised his mother I’d let her tell him, but I don’t think she ever will.”

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