eight
Rain was falling as the ten-seater plane began its shuddering wobble down the Nantucket runway. Felicity had no real dread of flying, but as they lifted off the ground into the clouds, she felt itchy with anxiety. She knew the pilot had instruments, but the dense white vapor around the plane was unsettling.
She closed her eyes and forced herself to focus on something positive. It had been sunny this morning and gorgeous at lunch today at the restaurant on the wharf. And it had been a good time for the three of them, much laughter, delicious food, and a sense that the coming summer might bring them all closer. For the first time in years, Felicity had felt a real affinity with Jane, perhaps because her perfect older sister with the perfect accomplished life wanted something Felicity had. But Felicity had also noticed the sexual tension between Jane and Ethan. They were only flirting, she reassured herself. Absolutely just flirting. Felicity scolded herself for being jealous that for once a man hadn’t chosen her over her sister.
And she was taut with worry about Ingrid being with Noah and her children last night…the fear of infidelity hummed around her mind like a bothersome bee.
It was cloudy in Boston when the plane landed. Her clothes weren’t warm enough for the surprising early summer chill. Was she coming down with a cold? Why was she so dreary today?
Her spirits lifted when she came into the terminal.
Her children raced toward her. “Mommy Mommy Mommy!”
Alice hurtled herself toward Felicity, determined to get to her first. She wore a flowered shirt and plaid shorts and polka dot knee socks, because that was the way Alice liked to dress. Felicity noticed that no one, meaning Noah, had brushed Alice’s long blond curls today.
Luke barreled toward Felicity, tackling her at the knees, almost knocking her down. Squatting on the floor, her arms around both children, Felicity looked up at her husband. “Hi, there.”
“Hey.” Noah’s expression was stiff, fake happy.
She stood and kissed him. His kiss was cool, and he pulled away quickly. But then he had never been comfortable with public displays of affection.
In the Volvo station wagon on the ride home, the children talked and giggled so much Felicity and Noah couldn’t have any kind of a conversation, and that was the way it always was. But anxiety made Felicity reckless, and as they left Route 2 for the winding roads of their suburb, she said easily, carelessly, “So, I hear Ingrid came over last night.”
She was Noah’s wife. She’d lived with him for eight years. She could read even his unspoken words. His hands tightened on the steering wheel and his jaw tensed.
Alice burst out, “She brought us a huge pan of macaroni and cheese—”
Luke yelled. “Mommy, we watchedFrozen. She gave us the DVD. Can we watch it when we get home?”
“How nice of Ingrid,” Felicity said, smiling over the back of her seat at her children. “And how unusual for Daddy to allow you to watch a DVD.”
“I know, Mommy,” Alice agreed.
Noah glared at the road without speaking.
“Did you bring us any presents, Mommy?”
“No, sweeties, I didn’t have time.”
Noah pulled into their driveway. The children exploded out of the car, racing to the backyard where they were allowed to play while Felicity kept an eye on them from the kitchen. Noah unlocked the front door and held it open for Felicity as she entered.
Felicity dropped her backpack on the low chest in the front hall. Noah headed to his den at the side of the house.
“Noah, wait. I’d like to know…Could we talk about Ingrid being here?”
He didn’t turn to face her. “Let’s talk about it after dinner.” He went into his den and shut the door.
“Well,” Felicity said to the closed door, “now I’m really worried.”
Still, she managed to finish the day as if everything was normal. She’d left a tuna noodle casserole in the refrigerator for the weekend, and since that hadn’t been touched, she heated it up for their dinner, noticing as she worked in the kitchen that there were no signs of the macaroni and cheese or the dreadful asparagus. She did find an unfinished quart of chocolate ice cream in the freezer. Ice cream was a special treat in this healthy household. Pulling back the lid, she checked and found that only a small iceberg of ice cream was left. So, a DVD and ice cream, too.
She poured herself a glass of wine.
Dinner was chaotic, as usual. Felicity bathed the children so she could reconnect with them after two nights and three days away. Alice didn’t like it when Luke’s toothbrush touched hers. Luke insisted it was his turn to choose the bedtime story. Their concerns were so trivial, she thought, in comparison to the black storm cloud brewing around her mind and heart, a storm that could roar their lives away.
Finally, after the children had been fed, bathed, read to, and tucked in, when they were absolutely asleep, Felicity made herself a cup of chamomile tea and went into the den where Noah was studying a spreadsheet.
“Noah? Could we talk?”