Page 37 of The Soldier

If something happens and I don’t get back to California to fuck that gorgeous she-wolf, I’m going to be so damn mad.

I’m not floating up in heaven watching Cole shag her. I’ll have to haunt him for eternity. That’s not how I want to spend my afterlife. But what choice will I have?

Trina would hate knowing I was here. If she is genuinely against dating someone in the military, then I don’t know how she’d react when she finds out I’m now doing black ops work.

I thought you just wanted to sleep with her the one time?

I purse my lips at the rogue thought.

Of course that’s all I want.

Great, now I’m arguing with myself.

Fucking Miller, he always rubs me the wrong way.

I shake off thoughts of Trina—and Miller—once more and take in the showers.

“Lunch gets cleared away in about thirty minutes so you might want to grab something to eat straight after.”

“Thanks man, I appreciate it.” Before he disappears I call out, “Johnson.”

He turns.

“Is Delta team here on base already?”

He shakes his head. “Na. They’ll arrive tonight.”

I nod, then head into the showers desperate to get under the water and cool down. Even if it’s only for a few minutes.

Being back in the desert is bringing back all my old emotions. Reminding me of all the hours I’ve spent worried my parents would get a visit telling them that their son was dead. Watching soldier after soldier lose their life. Us losing friends.

Wives losing their husbands.

Kids losing their dads.

For what?

War, up close, makes no goddamn sense.

So, I left. I planned to get my shit together. Get a job—did that—and settle down.

Haven’t done that.

I told myself I wasn’t dating or getting married beforehand because I didn’t want my name to be on their lips when they got news that my body was being flown home in a box.

Instead, I’ve been sleeping with a reasonable number of women—not as many as people think— and sitting on the fence. I’m not miserable.

I’m just not moving forward.

Is that why Josh chose me to lead? Because I have given the impression I’m a playboy who isn’t going to settle down?

Hard to blame them if he did.

Every minute I spend on this damn sand, the more I don’t think I can do this.

Serving my country was an honor. One I left because after twelve years and innumerable missions, I’d felt I’d done my time. Without losing my life.

Now, I might be playing with destiny.

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