Page 115 of The Soldier

But I failed her. Because of me she has been irreversibly harmed. It doesn’t matter what my brothers-in-arms say, it’s true. I should’ve answered the damn phone and been there for her.

I should’ve thrown her ass over my shoulder and carried her out of the party so she never left with Roger.

Logically, I know those choices weren’t mine to make. Trina would have thrown an absolute (loud!) fit.

I don’t care.

I would do anything to turn back time, but I can’t.

So, we start again. From here.

Ifshe’ll talk to me.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

TRINA

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I’ve had a few days off work and still don’t want to go back. Being a hermit isn’t going to solve anything but curling up in the fetal position in my bed, watching the reruns of Yellowstone works well for me.

In saying that, the hero of the show—the burly powerful guy—reminds me so much of Marsh, and I end up crying almost every time he grabs the frustrating heroine and shakes her.

She loves him.

She justcan’tand won’t let herself love him.

It’s like they wrote this show about me and my toy soldier.

Then the sexy scenes...oh god, the way the hero kisses her and holds her so dominantly. Passionately. Possessively.

I miss Marshall. I miss him so damn much.

I don’t know how I’ll feel the next time a man touches me. I don’t want to let what happened change me. I love sex. I love sex with the right man.

Marshall.

I’m a sexual woman and have been body positive all my life. After talking to a counselor yesterday, she said something that stuck. I can let this define me or I can push through it and see it as a horrible moment among an otherwise long and happy life.

At first I was likefuck you lady, you didn’t have some guy shove his disgusting fingers inside you,but as I’ve thoughtabout it and been scrolling online reading other victim’s comments, I’ve decided I don’t want to be angry forever about this.

I was lucky—if you can call it that— I got away before he was able to fuck me. Or kill me. Or torture me.

There are so many worse scenarios.

I’m so proud of myself for fighting and getting free. Luck was on my side. Or perhaps there was a higher power looking out for me. Whatever it was, I will be okay.

Fuck Roger, I will not let him decide my future.

I’m going to trust...

Wait.

Trust? Have I ever trusted?

I want you to go out there and tell him that you are mine. Let him smell me on you.

I’m not yours.

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